Can I just share a secret with you all please?

Well done, I can understand how drinking has become a bad habit, it is tough finding a new purpose, I too try to make myself feel better through food or drink, and am trying to work out what is going to give me a sense of purpose. Perhaps now you have stopped you can work on finding a purpose. I have a writing book and am starting journaling, try it each morning when you have a quiet time , it’s great for downloading and thinking x

Wow !
Very well done xxxx

Well done. I find it difficult to not drink but try to have 3 days free ( don’t always manage it ) My rule is no alcohol on my own And not to drink generally until after 5

Congratulations, my friend! No one who hasn't been there can really understand what a huge thing you've done, but all credit to you! Now go and enjoy life! You deserve it!

I heard a really useful description of addiction as overuse of coping strategies which have become habitual. I think it really helps to take away the ‘blame/shame’ angle. I think that, by that definition, it probably covers anything or any activity which might be appropriate in moderation, but could be overused and stop someone from living a balanced life and contented life.

Well done you it is absolutely brilliant what you have achieved.

Do you think your husband has been aware but not said anything. He must have smelt the smoke on you and although apparently vodka does not give off a smell he must have noticed that you were not sober.

Could you not have a talk with him to explain how you have been feeling and also take up some of the suggestions for gett Ng out there and meeting some new people.

Well done for giving it up, but it must be hard. Now you have a void in your life again though. It's time for you to fill it with something healthy, walking, jogging, painting, or my passion, sewing. Do you both enjoy holidays together?

Well Done Ella, so proud of you.

Very well done Ella ?
I do love Bradfordlass’s post on the first page. All very good ideas for when you plan to have a day out!
It sounds as though your interests may be a little similar to mine (wildlife) Is there a wildlife hospital near you as they are nearly always looking for volunteers? Would you consider something like doing a ‘Wounded Badger patrol’. There is probably one in your area. How about your local Badger Trust Group? An animal or environmental activist Group? A bird watching group? Toad patrol?
I hope you find something that you really enjoy and congratulations again on going for a week without alcohol. ???

It is fantastic that you have given it up. Maybe think about replacing it with something healthy like a walk outside, joining a gym, club, learning a new skill like pottery or a musical instrument. Or volunteer...Something you have secretly always wanted to try...

Join the WI.

Well done Ella Keat! You are some Lady! A force to be reckoned with! Someone with a really strong will.

If your mood slips in future, please go to your Doctor and let him/her help you.

Wishing you every happiness, you deserve it so much!

Elle x ?

Well done Ella. Stay determined, I wish you good things. Volunteering is a great way to spend your days and will give back structure that is lacking after retirement. It can take many forms, from helping in a charity shop to befriending people who are lonely. It's worth asking around to find out what's available near where you live. Good luck with continuing to be successful in conquering your demons. Xx

I learned a little tip for anyone giving up a habit, say smoking for example.

Every time you feel the urge/think of having a cigarette*, smile and be inwardly amused at yourself and say (not necessarily out loud) "oh! I forgot! I don't smoke!*"

*or whatever it is you are stopping doing.

Oh dear, your dilemma brought me back memories of my Mum and Dad. Dad was very socially awkward and relied on my Mum a lot - and it all got so much worse when they both retired. She signed up to learn French (which she'd always wanted to do) but only went to 2 classes because of the "atmosphere" when she got home - she was always someone who hated any arguments and, as she herself admitted, wanted "an easy life". But it just got worse and she was so frustrated and fed up, that she started drinking - in her case, sherry. It took a few years but she ended up with a regular routine - she'd not let herself start until 6pm but then would be asleep in the chair by 10pm. She would wake up hungover and sit in bed with a book and a cuppa; and Dad was happy because he knew where she was! Anyway, the sad truth is that she died because she got up in the middle of the night, still drunk, and had a fatal fall. Such a horrible shock for us all. I SO longed for her to stand up to him, to stop taking responsibility for his happiness (we are not responsible for anyone-else's happiness but our own!) and to grab at life, whilst she had it. I could still weep for all those wasted years. I think it's fantastic that you've realised there's a problem. Good luck.

Well done - that's brilliant! I think quite a few of us will share your former secret. I definitely drink too much wine but am managing to moderate these days. If anyone here is on Facebook and could do with a bit of help/support re alcohol, do check out the Club Soda group. It's a private group so your other FB friends won't see what you're saying and the support and friendship there is terrific.

Forgot to add - I second U3a, loads of things going on, even where I live in the middle of nowhere!

Congratulations Ella Keat,well done,thank you for sharing the acheivement with us,its great news.Looking forward to hearing about your next project.
Good luck in the future.

Well done, keep it up. And when you join U3A and volunteer at the wild life site, if hubby complains he can choose whether to go with you or stay at home and do all the things a previous poster listed! If he joins with you, in time he may make his own friends and gradually rely on you less, giving you the freedom you need.
Good luck.

Well done...I can relate to you...I really enjoy a large glass of wine 'every' evening! and if I am out for lunch and have one then...I usually still have the evening one ! Every day I think in the morning no drink today !! but I do...also my husband like yours is great, very good around the house, very sociable when we are with friends and a great dad and Grandad, but never goes out on his own happy to potter in the garden...which looks beautiful...we go out together a lot just as a couple...I have friends but always feel guilty at leaving him....I would also like to downsize but know he would be lost without his garden as he doesn't have any other interests on his own...I feel very fortunate when I look around me...but find it difficult to accept how insular he is....

Well done EllaKeat! A friend had the same issue, drinking a bottle a day and managed to just stop (though take care of any withdrawal symptoms-her GP was v helpful and non judgemental). I hope that you are feeling better and good luck for the future. ?

Very well done EllaKeat...I have a husband who gets up..dressed...sits in front of tv and is back asleep by 11am every day.Wont go anywhere...especially with me! Just sleeps and waits for me to put three meals a day in front of him . I’ve reached for the bottle a few times myself....but as you’ve found out it destructive...don’t let your husband push you into a life you don’t want. If the men in our lives have given up...we haven’t! So get out there and enjoy whatever it is you end up doing.

Well done EllaKeat - you have every right to be proud of yourself.

Drinking is a pleasurable thing to do, as is eating. WE have found since retirement 'every day is a weekend' and so we had a drink, sat up late, enjoyed ourselves. OH in particular was opening a bottle of red wine every night - to have a glass with the evening meal, but, surprise, surprise, he got through the whole bottle in the course of an evening. Our measures and glasses at home are bigger than pub ones! He'd open white for me and refill my glass when he topped up his.

It was very nice but I could see a habit forming. I told him, no wine for me on weekdays, and he followed suit. It's just out of bounds. We are strict with ourselves and our livers will thank us too. If friends come over or there is a celebration we enjoy wine mid-week, but try to skip a day at the weekend. We have to be in charge. It's an easy road to go down.

We can drown our sorrows in drink, or stuff down our emotions with food. I think over-eating can become just as habit-forming and addictive for some. Self-control can be difficult once the addiction forms, so do keep up the good work Ella.

Well done EllaKeat. I take my hat off to you.If you can quit those two addictions then you most certainly have the strength to sort out the rest of your life.

My OH is also a home bird but fortunately doesn't mind me going off and doing my own thing. It used to be bother me him being a home bird but finally decided it was his choice and as long as he was happy ....... So simply ignore the atmosphere and get on with living. He is responsible for living his own life. My OH actually joined me on one of my volunteering endeavours and it's turned into a great weekly afternoon out. Good luck

Congratulations, EllaKeat. I managed to give up the alcohol two years ago but still haven't given up smoking. There are still days when I feel the temptation but now the norm is not to drink rather than the other way round. One day at a time.

I haven't joined it myself, but AA is really good and about much more than just not drinking. It is useful for changing lifestyle and negative personality traits too.