Black dog gang

It seems we are all struggling with horrible feelings due to past trauma of one sort or another. Some of us have experienced something truly tragic (Anniebach, Nonnie) and others like me have not. I feel so much for those of you who have lost loved ones and wonder why it is that my mental health is so fragile when nothing really bad has happened to me. I should be grateful but I'm just constantly afraid.

Anyway have just done an hour in the garden, had tea with a dear friend and just checking in with you all makes everything better.

That thing about the jar was a promotion for the programme which starts on the 15th, BBC2 I think. Various slebs from what I can see, starting with Nadia, the cooking woman.

Loopyloo I agree with adding more clear water to the jar,

It is a battle wot but battles can be won x

I am very isolated because of the agoraphobia so I can accept it or keep trying to overcome it , I will keep trying ?

Am back x

Yes Fred is my scooter .

Worry ? My husband died in a car crash 43 years ago, when my daughters grew up and learned to drive ? Yes I was fearful, when they went with friends in car fearful. and no mobile phones for contact, Now youngest grandchild has a car and again I am fearful.

Niggling is the thought , will one of my grandchildren have bi polar as did my daughter , and it took her life .

We can not erase the past. What I will not do is tell my grandchildren my fears but I do ask for a text when they reach where ever they are driving to. Because we live in an area of mountains winter is difficult. I check the local news site every morning to check the mountain roads.

Nonnie I really try to stop the horrible feeling.. I can not understand how we all cope with it. I suppose if we new we wouldn’t be hear would we. Thank goodness for friend on hear... some good support, I thank our lord for that. it’s like wot was saying it’s a constant battle for so many of us.

Annie how or you feeling today ? I do hope you are ok . Any news from your DG sending you hugged and a sun flower ?

It's a constant battle to squash down negative thoughts, I find.

Joce I feel like that with my family. When they ask how I am I say I'm fine. Haven't even told them about the abcess under my tooth. Don't want to worry them and keep telling DH not to say anything.

Maggie be very careful with St John's Wort, it has a very negative effect on some medication. Suggest you talk it over with your pharmacist because they will know if it is safe for you.

I think I feel different to many of you in some ways. For example I am sitting here looking out at the rain and thinking how good it will be for our lawn and DS's lawn which have both had treatment. I am also glad it means I can sit here and not feel I ought to be 'doing something'.

I have written down all the positive things in my life and there are many but it hasn't helped a bit. I'm trying to convince myself I am having a slightly better day today.

Aww I see now I was so mixed up there Annie..

Thanks Doodle I do try but keep failing.

Maggie I can't understand how you feel about cancer because I don't have that issue but I can understand the catastrophising. I didn't know I would never see my son again so am constantly checking up on the rest of the family. On local news last night I misheard the name of a road where a disaster had occurred and was sure it was on DS's way home from work. I panicked but he was already home and was fine. At night when I can't sleep I have to put my hand on DH's back to check he is breathing. If he has been quietly in his study a long time I have to check he is OK. It is no way to live and logic doesn't help at all.

Sorry, can't reply to everyone.

Sorry Annie that sould say gardener don’t know why I put dog derrr.

Fred is ABs scooter , if I remember correctly. The rain does make things more dreary. Read about depression in Sunday papers. Someone talked about a Jam jar with dirt in it and water. That you can't get rid of the dirt at the bottom but you can add more clear water. Idea being that you try to fill your life with things that help. But often difficult to do this.
Best wishes to everyone.

Can I ask what you are rethinking. And who is Fred? Annie is he your dog? Have I missed something

I am rethinking things through , not sure about keeping Fred.

Aww Annie the rain doesn’t help us does it? I hope your granddaughters car is fix soon.. can you face time your granddaughter Annie? I am very lucky to see mine almost daily but if not I face time them.. I do hope you see her soon Annie..

I have my granddaughter for a few hours so hope that helps, I am sure it will love having the little ones. As the day goes on hope we both pick up somewhat Maggie.

Good morning friends

I am sitting on the sofa watching the rain and so hoping for good news about younger granddaughters car. I miss her.

Morning Joce. It's my day off so not so many distractions. Not good! But off for a walk with doggie now. What are you doing today?

Morning all. How is every one this morning? Hope it’s a better day for us all..

Goodnight Maggie sleep well ?

Oh Joce, I really understand and know just how it feels....You must try very hard to stop feeling you're a burden to your family. They sound very loving and they just want you to be happy, please let them be strong for you. We must try and tell ourselves that when we find a symptom, that it's not the worst thing imaginable and that we've felt this way before and we're still here! But there's nothing wrong with going to the doctor if you really have to and your experience is very disappointing - please try not to see that doctor again. Is there anything in particular worrying you at the moment?

Sharon, thank you so much for your advice. Yes, my brother is living with cancer (he seems to be in remission at the moment after a very grim prognosis) and my dad died of cancer. My sister-in-law has incurable breast cancer and is the most stoic, accepting person you could hope to meet. But none of this is unusual; most everyone has a family member with it, don't they?

Dawn, it's interesting to hear other people's experience with medication. It's good that at least the Lexapro helps with your sleep. I've been on everything under the sun and can't seem to find anything now that works. I know St John's Wort is only supposed to help mild-moderate symptoms but I thought I might give that a go. In Germany it's the go-to antidepressant and is prescribed by doctors.

Thinking of you all and hoping that if today wasn't a good day, that tomorrow might bring some moments of calm. I always find it helps me to look up at the sky and watch the birds. Or to stroke my little dog. It grounds me for a moment and helps me stay present. Animals are so accepting and just get on with it! Goodnight ladies x

I don’t think it does help having had cancer.. I dont know why I am like this Maggie I wish I did have a reason for it. I think my husband does understand t some degree, you see he has no fear f illness like me... my daughters are very good and know before I do that I am on a down ward drop.. that worries me I feel like I put them under so much stress, that’s so unfair of me, I can’t help how I feel and that saddens me more. They should not have to put up with me I am there mother and my job is to stay strong for them, I feel so bad as there mum for being like this.

Hope it is ok to mention meds here. I take 10mg of Lexapro. May help some what with sleep but nothing else.
Would like to hear if anyone else has better experience with anything else and that it did not increase appetite. Thank for any possible assistance.
Dawn

Maggie I could have wrote that, I am the same. I am fine till I get a pain a bump just like yourself, then I cannot control any thing is so bad . I wake up like it and it just never stops. The last time I went to the doctors I had a very small what every it was on my back that would not stop bleeding every time I took the plaster of it pored when on a few days so I went to see her. He was pulling faces behind my back my daughter was with me and she saw her as well. I had every faith in her till then, now I have none. That is not the only reason though but that’s a long story .i take Prozac, do you take any meds for it Maggie if so which do you have and does it help.. I don’t think mine does but too scared not to take it ...

Sending love and understanding to all you lovely people and hope with time you'll all find the strength to overcome this dreadful illness. No-one knows until they've been there do they.
Maggie have you tried a beta blocker called Propanalol the slow release capsule 80mg one capsule in the morning which as it says, slowly releases through the day. I've taken it for some years now and I swear it saved me. The ordinary tablet form taking something like two or three a day didn't work for me they wore off to quickly. Propanolol comes under different brand names but are all propanolol and is printed on the box. I don't know if I'm allowed to mention medication or not but you might want to mention this to your GP. It's used for other things as well, high blood pressure, angina and anxiety. I've never had health anxiety but you do need to have some help when it's irrational. Are there any Anxiety management courses that can be arranged by you doctor. Some years ago I went on a six week course, just one morning a week and I actually enjoyed it. Sometimes we think it's only us with problems but as I found out when going there and when I started reading posts on Gransnet net, that actually there are so many people with awful problems too and you know what, that put mine into perspective and I thought to myself, I'm not the only one. Has someone you know had cancer Maggie? Wishing you all a day tomorrow .