So who cares for you?

flowers Maw

Sorry that didn't work ???

Thank you!
But not looking for sympathy!
It is a similar situation in a way for empty nester parents when their children go to university or leave home go get married.
We are most of us, brought up, I think, to put others first, and putting yourself first is not our default position.
It is, to me, also a sobering thought that there are some people with no-one to care for them.
A bleak prospect.

??? No one can take your memories, wishing you well with making new ones.

Exactly maw, a widowed friend voices the same thought regularly. Its not something we prepare for is it? Worth considering for us all. I know you aren't looking for sympathy but sending anyway. always good to have flowers about .

For me ? No one. Been widowed too long to miss that relationship. A mother, grandmother sister, aunt, mother in law . younger daughter lives a five hour drive way. Grandchildren moved away this year. No contact with my three sisters , hard because we live in the same town,being the eldest i cared for them, the youngest sister lived with us for several years, I miss her.
Have two sons in law but one is an ex husband of younger daughter and the other married to elder daughter is now a widower. They are both helpful , especially my son in law who isn’t , in practical ways.

The one who always made me feel realy loved was my elder daughter, we both thought we would have that closeness untill I died. Now she is dead I have to face aging alone,

(((hugs))), Annie. You know we care for you but it isn't the same is it.

It's a very sobering thought, Maw.

This is just a statement of fact- I have no living relatives in this country- I have cousins in Ireland but I will never see them again. I have good friends but they have all moved many miles away so it is difficult. I have been independent all my life and will continue to do so until my powers of attorney get me carted to a care home.

Anniebach. I know how you feel and I'm sad for you too. My daughter age 36 died 7 weeks ago. I will miss her so much. She was so demonstrative. Always told me how much she loved and needed me. We really connected. The thought of never caring for her or her for me. Heart breaking.
Sorry Maw, I didn't intend to make your post about me!
Hugs to everyone in need of one.

Bikerhiker, I am so very sorry x

Maw , yes it’s acceptance , we have to accept, no use raging against it, but the ‘what might have beens’ are there x

Bikerhiker so hard to find the words, Other than I am so very sorry.

Bikerhiker

Thank you for your kind words. There are so many aspects to losing someone you love apart from just feeling so utterly sad for them. I know many here are bereaved and have expressed similar feelings.

Bikerhiker this thread was never intended to be about me!
I started it because I had to think about it and because there is no way I could be alone in my situation whether because of bereavement, divorce, AC moving away or abroad, any reason why we might be facing a different future relying on our own resources
I was unclear how to move forward without losing the past which I find ai want to cling to because Paw’s memory is something I need to keep alive.
Accepting how things are though has to be the only way to cope with what is ahead of us.
For you Bikerhiker and Anniebach losing a grown up child is the ultimate heartbreak and whether you are facing it alone or with a partner, the pain is impossible to communicate.

Anyway, my lesson from this morning is to be kind to myself, to resist the guilt which accompanies the pleasant experiences and if the tears want go flow, let them flow.

Good post maw!

Bikerhiker and Annie for you too!

I have been trying to work out what being kind to one's self means because so many people have said it to me. I think you have hit the nail on the head Maw. Not feeling guilty is a definite.
I have wanted to post on here for years but never did. Suddenly I feel I can and glad I did. Thanks x

Happily my OH is still with me - but his ability to care (in any sense of that word) is overridden by his poor health. His life is centred round his symptoms and his anxiety. He is very needy of me, and worries about my survival for that reason - not for any other I think.

But that is how it is; and I accept that I have to care for myself (again in every sense of that word). But it is a black hole in my life.

Lots of s to all those trying to come to terms with bereavement.

No one. My OH is ill, I do everything around here. Luckygirl - I can understand just how you feel. Illness just takes over and it can be exhausting at times. I do sometimes wonder what will happen when I need fetching and carrying.

Charleygirl don’t forget how worried some of us were when we realised we hadn’t heard from you for a bit. Caring can take many forms, some more practical,than others.

Telly and Luckygirl I sympathise with your position as the carer., been ther, done that and it is a hard habit to break, leaving a big hole when the need is no longer there. So for you, Annsixty, synonymous and all the others - I think we need to be aware of who cares for the Carers.

Agree with all the comments made . It's difficult adjusting to a new life . But with mostly good memories & keeping busy definitely is a help

Life can be very cruel sometimes. I'm so sorry to hear about the heartbreak and deep sadness some of you have suffered and are still suffering.
I am so lucky. My husband and I support each other although we do wonder what will become of us.
Memories are so very important. We must treasure them and hold on to them even as we move forward.
Thank you for your post MawBroon. It spoke to me and I'm sure others too. Thank you everyone for sharing.

I have never met my Mr Right, just a couple of Mr Wrongs ! So even when married I always felt alone Anne unsupported. However, I am blessed with a real closeness to 2 sons and their lovely wives, plus my daughter and her lovely husband. Not close to my elderly Mum as I won’t be controlled, but have life long friends who have always been there for me, plus my 5 lovely grandkids. I had a conversation with a close friend who lost her cherished husband and is struggling terribly with that loss. She said that in some ways I am lucky as I will never have to feel that gut wrenching loss. I don’t think she meant it as they had a wonderful marriage.

I know the feeling well. I am nobody’s priority. At times of absolute self pity, I wonder if anyone would miss me if I wasn’t here. So, try my best to be kind to myself and make the most of the time I do get to spend with my children, Granddaughter and friends.

An interesting question, Mawbroon. A child is normally cared for by their parent(s) but it is less clear-cut with an adult

I have been following an interesting psychotherapist on Facebook and she agrees with one of Bikerhiker's posts that the starting point is to care for yourself.

This involves feeling and releasing all the pain and/or anger that you feel which must involve putting yourself first because the process needs focus, concentration and not being interrupted by other people or things. I don't expect anyone else - even DH - to put my needs above his and I hope that this will never be tested.

So if I had a therapist who asked me this question, I would answer that my DH cares for me up to a point but that I do not know who would care for me if I needed a great deal of help and support.