The Black Dog Gang

Hello Rowantree, sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. It is very hard when you have struggled to get back to normality and then feel yourself slipping backwards again. I know what you mean about envying other people their seemingly normal lives but I know from experience it just makes you feel worse. Are their any new hobbies or interests that you could take up or learn while you are having to rest, just something to make the time worthwhile? I hope today is a better day for you.

HumptyDumpty, my daughter has mental health issues, and mental health issues run in my family too. I totally understand why you wonder if you should have had a child, I’ve wondered about that too sometimes. But things are what they are, and we have to accept that we’ve probably passed this awful condition on to our children. But we didn’t do this either knowingly or maliciously, and all we can do is support them if we are able to, but also try to cope with our own mental health in the best way we can. It’s not easy though.

Thanks, Maddy; your last sentence is so true. DH has cut herself off from all support except me, and it does weigh very heavy.

my younger dd has mh issues too humpty
they go back decades. long story but finally she got appropriate DB therapy which was intensibe but helped her help herself. she still suffers anxiety and depression but i no longer feel she will take her own life....
years of self harm and anguish have taken their toll but thankfully we are all still alive. she now has a lovely partner ans a 5 year old daughter to whom she is a loving mother and has turned her life around. didnt start to happen till mid 20s though and she had had her intensive therapy course. Dont give up hope that things can change for the better even if all looks black right now. been there, so many times. life is indeed unfair but you are doing the best that you can. xxx

Hello all.
I've been reading the thread, but not having the best of times myself, so I feel I'm not able to do much except try and encourage us all to keep on keeping on.
I can only imagine the pain that those with mental health problems face.. and to have adult children with the same issues must be just terrible for you.

Sorry to learn that MissAdventure.

We have to keep trying ,

Thanks Annie.
We do have to just keep on.
I have been stumbling lately, but I hope things might ease a bit soon.

I am struggling too, and fearing yet another battle to overcome the agoraphobia, at times I doubt I have the strength to do it but I will have to dig deep and find it.

I hope things ease for you soon

Rowantree so pleased to hear your daughter has reached a happy place in her life. Can you tell me whet DB therapy is, please?

Annie

Annie and MissAdventure, I know how much you have struggled, there are no words [flowers

Humpty, I have found councelling helpful, and also the help and support of other family members. My own DD is improving but still has episodes of behaviour which are very difficult to cope with. It’s important to reach out to others for support yourself, and to try to be kind to yourself. The kindness of others such as family members, friends, and other Gransnetters makes a huge difference in your ability to cope with everything that is happening.

I'm sorry you're still struggling Annie. Me too! Was hoping the new therapies would have started to help by now. As you say we just have to keep trying.

Just to add, we’ve had an ‘episode’ from daughter today, which I’m ashamed to admit, made me cry. These episodes always upset me, make me feel depressed, and make me feel helpless to change anything. I take my antidepressants but whilst she behaves like this I don’t think I’ll ever be well. And I don’t think she’ll ever change, her own depression is now under control, but still when things don’t please her..........

humpty DB therapy is Dialectical Behavioural therapy. Its very intensive and focuses on acknowledging/identifying feelings which are painful and learning how to live well with them so they dont impact your life so much. it takes huge commitment, is delivered by a specialised team usually, and requires hard work. my daughter was lucky to get it. not everywhere offers it by a long chalk.

its appropriate for those with mood disorders which are severe, including unstable mood disorder/borderline personality disorder with which DD2 had been diagnosed. its taken years and she still gets irritable, anxious and low but now can self soothe and manage her symptoms though she still takes meds. nothing else worked for her, but everyone is different.

I'm struggling a bit at the moment. The black dog is sitting in the corner staring at me. And I feel so guilty because I don't really have much to be depresssed about. My life is pretty good. I am alone a lot of the time but thought I had got used to it after all these years.
I send heartfelt good wishes to those of you who have dreadful things to cope with.

I am finding the DMDR therapy is stirring up so much

I’m in - and struggling at the moment.
My other half has been ill for sometime with an ongoing issue that there is no magic cure for. I had retired a few years ago and he has had to retire due to this ongoing issue. I feel so flat at the moment as my life seems to have changed so much from partner to carer, after a career as a nurse I thought I had hung up my uniform. Life has changed so much and our plans to travel, see the world and generally relax are up the spout, and I don’t see an end to it. I’m glad to get this off my chest as I’m sure friends and family ar sick fed up with me, I try not to moan and let him see me upset, but today I just had a meltdown and can’t stop crying, I feel so selfish when there are people out there far worse off then me, I too have health issues and feel that since retiring I am on th slippery slope !

Lizzy I am sorry , you are not selfish and comparing your life with others be they happy or sad doesn’t help you. It is hard when plans and hopes are broken . You can talk here x

Lizzy You are not selfish. You have been through a lot. It's not easy. As you will see from the posts here, you are far from alone.

Thank you for your comments ladies. It’s good to know you’re not alone at times like this, and it’s great to share the painful side of depression with people who understand x

I know I’m struggling at the moment and have been to GP who signed me off work with ‘low mood’ . I’ve had a few recent life upheavals ie: moved to new area (to be closer to family to help with grandchildren etc) changed jobs, but hate new job, Miss old colleagues etc. GP now given low dose HRT ‘to see if things improve’ . But I still feel so low as if life is passing me by while I feel so down about everything. I used to be the life and soul of the party but now I don’t want to move outside my front door for anyone or any thing. I know you lovely people have far more symptoms of real depression so I feel a bit of a fraud posting on here but I feel someone may understand.x

Hello all, mental illness is awful, isn't it? I have been on antidepressants for years, but the one I'm taking now is Mirtazapine, and I've been on it a few months. I must say that it has taken months for me to feel well again.

I don't feel depressed now, but most of the time I feel "flat". Do any of you get that too? I have got a nice life - loving husband, family, and the mortgage paid, no money worries. I only work a few hours a week. I've got holidays, trips, birthdays, etc., all to look forward to - but nothing makes me excited or interested. I haven't really experienced this before and hope it will pass.

Teagranny no you are not a bit of a fraud, depression can hit us because of happenings in life and it can hit us for no reason that we can think of. We all have different ‘happenings’, but what we feel is the same, no joy, no laughter, feeling we have to put on a brave face, even feel guilt. Please share here , you will be listened to

Hugs

Thank you anniebach for your kind reply, yes we all have happenings I agree, but the inability to cope with them is what has hit me. I have been trying to think of practical things to try to help how I feel, whilst waiting for the HRT to possibly work. I think I’m going to leave my job as that is causing me a lot of anxiety, and can’t see it getting any better. I have made enquiries with an agency that says they have work for me in my field, so it’s just a case of putting notice in and taking the plunge I suppose. X

Oh Lizzy, I know exactly how you feel. My husband has health issues which mean we can no longer travel. My granddaughter has severe mental health issues and drains me both emotionally and financially. There seemed very little of me left and I would have to be honest and confess I envy those having a carefree retirement.