Can you be cured of depression?

I had in mind Seasider's partner and wondered if he/she is happy in their work. Workplace stress affects a large swathe of one's lifetime.

Sorry there's no editing at GN forums.

The loss of power to alter some life events does not always apply to stressful employment. Sometimes it's possible to change jobs so that one's job is more meaningful. Not 'meaningful' in any grandly virtuous sense, but jobs or businesses that allow the worker to make independent decisions.

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is-everything-you-think-you-know-about-depression-wrong-johann-hari-lost-connections

An extract from the book about depression. Bereavement issues such as tenacious grief are due to being faced with ultimate loss of power to prevent dreadful events.

www.theguardian.com/media/2018/jan/07/johann-hari-depression-brain-lost-connections-book-interview

What causes depression and and idea of how to feel better.

Questions not yet asked

Does the son love his father

Will the son be told there is a risk of suicide

Can the son be prepared for what may happen if you stay, what may happen if you leave

I fully understand the feeling of enough is enough but how deeply do you care for your husband

Do you really want to walk away , if so will your husband have support living alone

I agree with Eglantine - cancel the trip while you still can and use the money to safeguard your son and yourself. Suicide is a high risk but so is violence towards you and your son. I don't want to scare you but be on guard. Good for his sister to help.

That is unusual seasider. My OH has PD and the medical and support services are very clear that we need to be treated as a unit, as he would be sunk without me (or someone else) here. They even took away a medication against OH's wishes as the side effects were having such a deleterious effect on me. I think that is a sane and practical outlook, as without me here he would be in a worse state. The subject came up last week when we saw the consultant. I said that I felt bad that he should have worse physical symptoms because I was unable to cope with the mental effects of one of his drugs. Consultant dismissed that concern out of hand and said that what was happening before was completely unacceptable and was to be avoided at all costs.

Thanks I am. There are serious decisions to be made. The counsellor who suggested yoga etc was running a course that I attended to try and understand the condition better. The counsellor DP saw himself was totally focused on his needs. He told me that when he mentioned the impact he was having on the family the counsellor said he was not interested in us,only DP.

Sorry to read what a tough time you're having seasider. I hope the discussion with your GP is helpful. I'm surprised that a counsellor would make suggestions about the advice you would give to your partner, ie yoga etc. The focus of counselling sessions is usually on the needs of the person seeking counselling, rather than on making suggestions about help for the person whose behaviour leads them to seek help.
Drinking too much is often a coping mechanism for people who are depressed. I'm with vampire in believing we are responsibly for ourselves and can in truth, only make changes in the way we respond to the behaviour of loved ones. Attempts to change others who don't see the need, or aren't yet in a place where they want to make changes, are unlikely to succeed.

Would your partner be prepared to move out and seek help so that your son has a calm home for this key period in his life. Whatever you decide to do, please put yourself and your son at the heart of any decisions you make. Look after yourself.

Take care reaching a decision, you have to live with the outcome not us, it may be good it may not , I wish you well and I hope your husband finds help.

Lucky. I am going to make an appointment to speak to the doctor on my own though I know he won't be able to tell me much. Maybe I cannot prompt him to get DP in for a review. I am quite lucky and I would have somewhere else to live in a few weeks time. I could cancel the holiday but would lose a lot of money( it is a dream trip) because we are quite close to the date of travel. Monica my son and I have discussed the situation a lot. He is very frustrated with his dad's behaviour too.

In my opinion, there is no cure. There is control of symptoms with medication and therapy.
It is his choice to participate in what can make him, his best. But, it is his worst that you fear.
Say "good-bye". Then say "hello" as you are strong and a new you will become apparent. You may right now be lost with indecision. Decide.
You can make it on your own. You don't need permission or opinions as you will never control any one person. You must however have a life that will, and can make you happy.

Have you discussed the situation with your son? At 16 he must be very aware of what is happening and it must be very stressful for him. Being open with him may well help him.

Could you use the holiday money to rent a flat for six months while your son does his exams in a peaceful and calm atmosphere? It will also enable you and your H to have a period apart to reassess your relationship, it might even drive your H to realise what he will lose if he doesn't take some action to sort out his problems with depression and alcohol and do something about it.

Marriage is meant to be for better and worse, but that doesn't give one partner permission to behave as badly as they like without seeking help to resolve their problems.

It is a dreadful illness and my heart goes out to anyone dealing with this, either in themselves or in a loved one. I do understand what you are saying Annie.

I don't for someone To say - I can't fight anymore, I am tired-
Is incredibly rational thinking

I doubt it is curable but you can learn to spot the early signs and employ coping mechanisms.

I would agree vampire queen. When you are very depressed suicide can seem like the best way out. You get beyond worrying about any one else but your own misery.

No I'm not saying it's a rational choice but it feels incredibly rational at the time.

Suicide is occasionally a rational choice (e.g. if you have a progressive illness, or, as someone round here did, a diagnosis of early dementia - she chose not to have her family burdened). But suicide in the context of depression looks like a choice from the outside, but it is initiated by the illness so is not a choice made rationally. I know when my depressive illness was very bad I simply felt so very ill in every way that carrying on seemed impossible, and I pleaded with my family to "let me go." Very hard for anyone outside the illness to comprehend I know.

OP - it must be worrying that you feel responsible for your partner's safety; but the GP may be quite correct in stating that those around him would be advised to be vigilant. My family kept me alive when I was so ill.

I know that this is not helping your overall situation - can you go and talk with his GP? They have to be careful what they say because of confidentiality, but it is reasonable for you to have a grasp of what you are dealing with if he is saying that you have the responsibility of keeping OH alive.

What a very stressful situation for you. The answer to your original question is that depression can be treated with the right drugs and therapies which often need to be lifelong - whether it is ever totally cured is another matter.

Suicide may be a choice but not a choice made by a sound mind . Are you saying of a suicide, it's their choice, what they wanted to do.

It is not fair of the doctor to ask you to take responsibility for your DP's safety. It is something that you have no control over. I am a cutter. I fight it but sometimes it gets too much. You can't watch him 24/7 and even if you could he'd still do something if he wanted to. Whatever we do to ourselves is a personal choice. It is no one else's fault or responsibility.

Does he need his meds changing? He drinks through choice. He may think it's a coping strategy even though it isn't but at the end of the day it's his choice.
You really need to put yourself and your DS first. If you're not careful you'll end up depressed too.

The mental system is so run down that they're the care onto the families even if the families have no ability to deal with it.

Some drugs can have side effects which could be worse than the condition itself. Most people would not suffer from these side effects but for some, side effects such as mood changes could be possible.

Can you go with him and ask the GP if a change of medication would be beneficial?

Otherwise, I do not think it is good for your DS to be in this toxic atmosphere in this important academic year - it could adversely affect his future. Perhaps, as someone else suggested, you could rent nearby or ask your OH to find somewhere to rent but stay in touch. In fact, that could give him the impetus to try to face up to what is happening and to take steps to try to improve the situation.

Keeping an eye on someone who is a suicide risk is stressful and leaves you in hell if you fail , but in my opinion more of a hell if you don't try

I think it depends on the love you have for him , you have your son to care for.

I hope you can get some one who will support you and someone to support your partner

Anniebach -from your description he shows signs of clinical depression but has the most terrible mood swings. I have asked the doctor if it could be testosterone deficiency but he did not seem interested

Thank you all for your suggestions. Vampire DP was not a controlling man before and could be good fun and good company but he seems to have gone downhill. He has lately been letting the mask slip.in front of his older children so they are beginning to see how bad he is. He did have a bit of a meltdown in front of two good friends. The man of the couple gave him a good talking to which I hope gave him something to think about! I am quite close to one of his sisters who has been good enough to encourage him to stay with her for a few days to give us a break. I am starting to put my affairs in order in case I need to leave. The doctor made it worse by telling him he was in a high risk group for suicide ( I think just his age)He told me I had to keep an eye on him but that's a big responsibility!