Getting older

No, I don't think you are, Nibbie. Are you new? If so, welcome.

I think one of the things that keeps me busy all the time is the fear of stopping and ending up in pain, lonely or like my Mum in a kind of half life with my children trying to do the right thing.

I watched a programme last night on BBC4 about an elderly couple finally leaving their home in order to downsize to a bungalow.

It was a castle

The husband was very frail and didn't spend much time out of his chair. The wife finally had to give in to the challenges of old age in a way that made me really admire her spirit.

Growing old is not for wusses. We just have to 'man up' and get on with it....If our health allows.

I have found the older I get the less it bothers me.
I think in our late 50's/60's old age seems scary and depressing, when you reach old age you realise it actually isn't so bad. I still keep up, having young GC and my oldest at 17 is a joy, we are very good friends. I do have sadness in my life as my H has Alzheimer's but we cope well with little help and when I get my "robotic knee" as the 5and 7 year olds call it I expect to be a new woman, although still an old one.
Don't fret about it, it will come anyway and you may wonder why you worried.
The odd glass of G&T helps a lot.

I watched that programme, Merlotgran. A very tough old lady.
At 80 I'm beginning to understand what happened to my Mum in her last years. I'm afraid I wasn't always very patient at the time. She lived to 87 and in her last years really struggled.
Looking back she was wonderful, as Dad died when she was 75.
Someone once told me "you always need something to look forward to". And as Ann said the odd glass helps.

I agree nibbie and like you spent my nursing career with older people BUT it taught me some lessons about staying as active as possible physically and mentally and generally not giving in. I know its easy to say and I know what its like to battle daily pain and bouts of depression but I REFUSE to let it best me. So far I'm lucky and doing well and DH and I are in a much better position on all fronts than our parents were at the age we are now so I'm am hopeful that I can keep up. The bright side is you have all of us to chat with and if you ignore the odd unhelpful post you will enjoy this site. Nice to meet you.

annsixty I am off to take your excellent advice re the G & T!!

But do you feel old at 80 Tricia? I will be 79 on Tuesday and just don't feel it.

Thankyou for all your advice,most of the time I don't think about getting old just when I watch some programmes and they leave me a bit depressed ?

Yes, old age catches up with everyone, if you are lucky enough to live to an old age. The bones begin to ache, the memory is not as it used to be and the eyesight is a bit blurry, all that and the deafness! The trouble is the mind won't accept any of that, and so often people say as you do annsixty you just don't feel it, that is until you try to undo that wretched bleach bottle top!

Being old is much better than the alternative!!!

It's an occasional worry that crosses my mind but mostly regarding the manner of my decrepity, as in am I going to be struck down by dreadful illness etc, not the old age itself.

Inside I'm still about 23 though!

I am very fortunate, the generation above me (which was extensive) have lived, with only a few exceptions, into advance old age (late 80s/90s)and stayed physically and mentally healthy until the last few months of their lives. Two of my aunts, both nearly 90, are still alive, living independent lives, one still drives.

So when I look forward I am hopeful for what lies ahead. However I am not blind to what could happen. As circumstances happened I was the carer for all three family members who went into care, two with dementia, one with depression. I have thought and planned ahead and discussed it with our DC.

The one thing this familial longevity has made me do is look after myself. I quite consciously keep myself physically and mentally active, eat well and look after myself and do my best to ensure DH does also.

Try not to dread the future Nibbie, after all, there's not a lot you can do about growing old. I will be hitting 70 in a few weeks but I'm still the youngest of our group of coffee morning friends, the oldest one having just turned 80. Healthwise some of them have had it worse than others but their mental attitude is admirable, keep your chin up and take life one day at a time. Some will be diamonds but some will be stones xxx

Has anyone read the Jenny Joseph poem "Warning"? I'm not sure about taking it literally but it's given me a bit of inspiration for the future.

Similar to Tiffaney, the oldest in our coffee morning group is in her 90s, she is deaf and partially sighted but what a zest for life she has! Sadly with old age some us do have health problems some deal with them better than others, some do nothing but moan, you get to know those ones and never ask how they are. Yes mental attitude is the key and never stop laughing its good for the soul.

I agree with thingmajig, inside I'm still 23, get energised and enthusiastic about things then find I'm slow and physically restricted. Count my blessings though we both can get around fairly easily, we have sufficient money for basic needs and have lots of interests to keep us motivated. I know it can change in a heartbeat so making the most of each day. The G & T certainly helps but maybe not for breakfast ! !

Bucks Fizz perhaps ,along with the croissants and smoked salmon?

That should have been bagels of course. What am I thinking of!!

You want croissants with your smoked salmon, then go for it A60

No annsixty it's definitely croissants here in France

"too old for all these choices"?

Have a bagel and then a croissant and plenty of smoked salmon. Then you don't have to choose.

Sounds like a plan annodomini, goodbye diet

I rather like Tiptree's Little Gem Preserve on my croissants so will have both. Enough of this now!!!

At 76 and DH 83 I can begin to sense our Children and Grandchildren beginning to treat us with more care and appreciation. Based I believe on their own generation of friends gradually losing their own parents and grandparents. It is strange but rather nice and I like this relaxing of responsibility to see that everyone is OK before yourself which has always been my role before.
Enjoy the G & T and putting your feet up!