An interesting article on dementia

Anya, if my experience is anything to go by your neighbour will not only have been grateful to your for helping her put her husband to bed but grateful that someone was prepared to care. Thank you from me to all the people who do.

I remember coming across my elderly neighbour shouting at her husband who had Parkinson's. I was in the habit of popping into her house (by her invitation) most evenings to help her put him to bed.

This particular night I was held up at work and she'd tried to get him up stairs all by herself, him trying to pull himself up on the handrail and her pushing him from behind. He fell backwards onto her, luckily only a few steps up. And she completely lost it.

It was one of the saddest things I've seen. Part shock, part exhaustion, part frustration.

Nobody should ever feel a failure because they can't always cope. They were a devoted couple, but caring for someone with a debilitating condition is ....
well you can all fill in the words. And it's much, much harder if that person is someone you love.

Crumbs. What a wonderful group of people; never out of their depth with the ..... dementia and what it does to a much loved relative. How perfectly floaty Validation Therapy sounds. Of course you will agree when you can but it is by no means that simple.

Off to weep into my pillow after another difficult day with my much loved mother - seeing her get upset and not knowing how to deal with what she sees as the truth and also keep her safe - and I am tired from my own illness which is not excuse for not being the perfect carer but it is certainly not uncommon for the older generation caring for the elderly frail.

I'm sorry phoenix I know you meant well and were trying to be helpful but I (sometimes) just don't want to hear just how well other people cope when I am feeling like a failure.

I found it easier and comforting (for me) to join Mum in her fantasy world as vascular dementia took a firm hold towards the end of her life. I was lucky that she never became aggressive although she suffered panic attacks at the end.

I have some lovely 'journeys' to look back on. Popping across the road to the Albert Hall for the Proms, Ozzy Osborne entertaining us in the lounge, Terry Wogan popping in to water her potted plants to name but a few and the best one of all....Mum being made the new manager of the nursing home but she had to lie about her age to get the job

If she spoke about a deceased relative as though they were still alive I would make a joke about him/her pushing up daisies rather than do any harsh reality stuff.

Dementia can be a safe little world sometimes but obviously terribly distressing in some cases.

I read this too and thought what a good plan it offered, maybe a less heartbreaking way forward for those of us dealing with parents or partners with dementia.

Thanks Phoenix have forwarded the article onto family member coping with this at the moment. Good advice I think.

I've played along with my Mums stories many a time, it's easier and less upsetting, I just ask her questions about it and make comments, maybe a daft conversation but at least we're having one.

I read that phoenix - it made such a lot of sense to me. I will be using some of the advice when I am with my mum who has vascular dementia ...