COUNSELLING

Further, if going to the GP to ask for a counsellor, there will probably be quite a waiting list, the counsellor may often be a 3rd year trainee building up their hours, and you'll be offered 6 weeks. If you think this will suit you, then that's good. If you feel the need for longer-term therapy, contact the BACP.

mariana. In trying to find a counsellor, I would recommend that you seek one who is an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy. Assessment is quite rigorous before acceptance. Any good counsellor or therapist worth their salt will offer an initial session, in order to allow you to question them on their practice methods and accreditation. It also gives you the opportunity to see if you could work with them.

Good luck.

I remember friends going to a marriage counsellor. After a few sessions, one of them said that the counsellor agreed with her and advised one course of action, the other that the counsellor agreed with him, and advised a completely different course. Two people at the same meetings, who had taken away two versions.

I assume that the counsellor was being impartial (and would not be advising any specific course of action) and I knew that a large part of their marital problems was that neither would listen to the other's point of view.

Unsurprisingly, an acrimonious divorce followed. To get help from counselling, you do need to open your mind to it.

I'm not sure but I think anyone can set themselves up to be a counsellor – you, me everybody. I don't think they have to be licensed or trained or even halfway intelligent. I would suggest that if you are looking for a counsellor to help you get to grips with your life, you go through the NHS which always used to and probably still does require training and experience.

Ana, perhaps not. Good point.
But I suspect he is being truthful about what he says was advised.
Or another scenario is that he got the wrong end of the stick in some way.

Anya Thank you for recognising and acknowledging that but what was truly bizarre was that I have always been a strong woman and then failed to realise how I was steadily being reduced to a truly feeble – emotionally, psychologically and physically – creature until it was almost too late. I think I was very lucky with my counsellor.

soontobe, are you sure that the person you know who is receiving counselling is being completely truthful about 'practical solutions' having been offered?

Mariana you've posted befire about feeling depressed and going through a bad situation. I hope you find some help. It's good that you are reaching out and looking for a way forward.

A good counsellor can really help, but it's not always easy to find one.

Absent you must be a very strong woman to go through that and come out the other side.

Interesting you say that absent.
The person who I know who is having some counselling, has been given practical solutions, and the person who is being counselled, has acted on them.
Those of us around him, thought that that was unethical thing for the counsellor to do, if that is the right word. Plus we think that what the person being counselled was advised, is based on what he has told the counsellor, which is at best a twisted version of the truth.

Sorry you are depressed, mariana. Yes, I think counselling does help.
Just talking to someone outside your everyday life helps to get perspective on your problems. Their job is to listen, not make practical suggestions though. It's not a complete cure, but can help you see your life in a different way.
I've had individual counselling and group counselling. Both were of great help to me, especially the group, and I still use some of the techniques
I learnt on that course.
Best wishes to you.

Of course they don't offer practical solutions – how could they? They help you recognise and acknowledge what is happening and encourage you to find a solution. For example, I was completely taken aback when it was pointed out to me that every time I mentioned my daughter, I automatically made a strong holding motion, but every time I mentioned my violent partner, I made a pushing away, dismissive motion. Being made aware of my body language – which wasn't always in accord with what I was saying, not that I consciously lying – helped me clarify what I truly felt.

I think counselling probably does help but the difficulty is finding a good counselor.

I have had courses with NHS counselors, who seemed to be obsessed with being able to tick boxes. I have also been to private counselors who were not effective at all. I still have problems which I am trying to work through on my own.

They listen. I am not sure they are supposed to offer practical solutions.

I had some counselling when I was living with an aggressive and violent partner and simultaneously going through a very difficult time in my teenage daughter's life – the two situations were almost certainly not wholly coincidental. As a result of the horrible situation in which I was living, I had lost 3 stones in weight and was painfully thin without my even noticing it. I found it extremely helpful in the long run in clarifying my thoughts about myself, my relationships, my hopes and intentions for my future and my daughter's, until I felt strong, confident and secure enough to act to improve our lives – well, probably not improve that of the violent partner but I learned to acknowledge that that was his responsibility, not mine. It took some time for me to get there and I very much appreciated the help in finding my way when I felt so beaten down (literally and emotionally).

My dd and ds have both had counselling and found it helpful.
I think it depends on the circumstances.

I've had several courses of counselling. My issues are so complex they can't be dealt with in one course.

Good quality counselling is very effective. It's difficult and will churn up emotions that you have buried for a long time but it's worth the effort.