deafness

My hearing has been getting worse over the years, I do not hear sounds above a certain level (birds singing, violin), and do wear a hearing aid. I should wear one in each ear, but found this unbearable. I can 'hear' people if I am looking at them, and sometimes hear folk standing behind me, no idea why, but this can be quite embarrassing, because if I am in company (specially playing bowls, where you need to be sociable) I will say to people, sorry I am a little deaf, if I do not answer you, it is because I have not heard - then someone behind me makes a remark, and I instantly respond - so I have to say -"but you will have to be careful what you say!. If I have not heard, I sometimes make a joke and say "just a second I will tune you in", but I know it is frustrating for my close family. Unfortunately my husband is getting deaf and I am no at all patient with him! Subtitles on t.v. are a boon.

charleygirl Can you persuade your aunt to subscribe to Caller Id on her phone? If your name is in her address book, it will show on the screen who is calling, so she will know it is you. Not much help if her phone does not have a screen tholugh.

When I was in my teens I kept getting a perforated eardrum. Eventually it was so scarred that they decided I needed an eardrum graft. They took a piece of vein out of my wrist and sewed it on in place of the damaged eardrum. It did not improve my hearing, but I have not had a perforated eardrum since. That was over 40 years ago.
If I wear a hearing aid I can turn the volume down on the TV or radio, but I hear the traffic going past my house so I do not hear what's said much of the time. It does not work in crowded places, as you can hear the man at the next table just as loudly as the person sitting opposite. I prefer to rely on lipreading. The hearing aid comes in handy if an emergency vehicle goes past. You can switch it off then.
My sister in law has digital hearing aids, only two years old, and she has the same problem. Same with another member of the family.
What you have to do is look at the person you want to hear you, and pronounce your words very clearly. It's difficult to understand Geordies or Northumbrians because they usually alter the vowels.

Charleygirl and Deedaa I had a friend whose hearing had been damaged in the war, he had an amplified landline phone, it was a great help until he became profoundly deaf in his eighties.

My MiL is very deaf and has a hearing aid which lives in a drawer in her room in the home. She refuses to use it "Because of the soap opera that they play on it all the time - I've never liked soap operas!" We did try giving her a mobile phone but it was obviously never going to work if she wouldn't use the hearing aid.
Conversely I have been going to the doctor every year to see if my hearing is bad enough for a hearing aid. He is still saying that it won't help me yet, so I just have to make sure I am looking at anyone who speaks to me.

My husband has gone more and more deaf over the last couple of years. He bought a hearing aid out of the paper, but it didn`t work for very long, then last spring he bought another, a bit more expensive, but hardly ever wore it. I thought he was wearing it wrong, because in his ear it didn`t look like the picture in the advert, but he said it didn`t work their way. We`re starting to get hoarse from shouting, but fortunately he finally agreed to see the doctor about it, with the result that he`s had the ears syringed, slight, VERY slight, improvement in one ear, but still not good, so is going to the hospital on March 5th to be fitted with a hearing aid..............at long last!! Deafness does run in his family though, he has a brother, both sisters, and a niece who are deaf, and one of our daughters had hearing problems till she had an operation a few years ago, and is fine now. But it is very frustrating when you`re having to shout all the time, our neighbours must know all our business lately!

try not shouting but changing the tone of your voice, at the care home I worked at we had a profoundly deaf person, that could hear me even when I was behind him, and he would complain that people shouted and sounded cross. my friend doesn't like his hearing air for the same reason, it just makes everything louder, so you still can't hear speech properly

Yep I have this problem with my mother in law. She has always been partially deaf but is now profoundly deaf. So I recognise your description and feelings. She drives me mad,sometimes she embarrass me. Frustrates me and makes me ashamed of myself. Often all at the same time. One thing it has taught me is that it must be one of the disabilities that gets the least sympathy/understanding. I'v always thought that when mum blames me and the rest of us because it's hard for her to accept the affect her deafness has on her. Unfortunately her son, my husband has inherited the condition. He's a completely different type of personality and his deafness has had a profound affect on his confidence throughout his life. He takes the blame inwards while his mother places the blame on others. I have a friend who is an audiologist and she sorted my husband hearing and it's transformed his life. Hearing aids have improved no end over the last five years. So perhaps you could persuade your mother to have her hearing reassessed. Good luck don't beat yourself up about it.

I have a 97 year old aunt who is very deaf, has a hearing aid which is semi permanently in a drawer. I cannot ring her any more because she does not know who I am so puts the phone down. I am then accused of never ringing her. It is very frustrating for me.

My argument is that they don't need to lose their hearing, its so anti social. If deaf people use their hearing aids then they will hear, they will soon get used to things in the background just as before, and they need not feel ashamed to go to the nhs, as there are lots of private clinics who sell expensive aids that must work better than free one from the doctors.
They just don't want to hear, I get the feeling that they feel they are in control and switch off their aids when they are just not interested. (Im referring to an elderly man I knew who used to switch off when he was bored). Ive even heard of an operation that fixes the aid to the skull of the deaf person, there are lots of ways to be treated.

I sympathise with both of you. I certainly find these days that distinguishing an individual conversation in a crowded room is increasingly difficult and really people do mumble so.

But then, it's hard to admit that ones senses are not as sharp as they were previously.

Have you read a wonderful novel by David Lodge called Deaf Sentence? It's poignant and also very funny just like your ham story. But it does give a huge insight into what it's like to lose your hearing.

It's true, Cactus. Hearing aids amplify all sounds.
One day you, too, might have to wear a hearing aid. Hopefully your child/children will be more tolerant. I have a hearing aid for my good ear. The hearing in my other ear cannot be improved. I very rarely wear it either.
If your mother is so intelligent, with good mental ability, why do you have to tell her where the jam aisle is? Why not just slow down and let her find it for herself? You'll probably find yourself less frustrated.