Mindfulness for Depression/Anxiety?

Rowantree Buying new secs. really is exciting! They're lovely tools and wouldn't be without them.
Get your Vit.D. checked.
Hope you pick-up during the remained of the day.

Rowantree, one thing which will help is when you have good moments - and you do x - no matter how fleeting hold onto them, write your good feelings down so you can recall them. Don't dismiss them , write - I enjoyed buying my secataurs on Saturday and look forward to attacking those shrubs, I am a good gardener etc. anything positive then write it down. Thoughts trigger feelings yes ?

I too think blood tests a good idea, and this will sound off the wall but eat turkey x

Vit D deficiency? I had a blood test a few months ago which didn't throw up anything untoward - presumably it would have done.

Have now returned from garden centre - dropped in to see a friend on the way back and it was lovely to share a hug and a few words. Going to try and get on with some jobs, meditate and hope the grey treacle disperses....

Oh and Anniebach: that is a brilliant idea; the good moments are fleeting, and when I have them I find myself thinking, oh, but now I feel awful again so it was all for nothing...but you're right, writing them down is a good plan Thank you X

Not necessarily, Rowan. Depends what the doc. is looking for. They don't check for everything. Ask for a specific test to check it out.

Aw Rowantree, we so remember the bad but if we hold onto those fleeting moments we can say - I know how it feels when they treacle disperses . It will ease but if we approach it as a battle we get exhausted. I could be so wrong but perhaps your self esteem has reached rock bottom and is still drilling

You're right Anniebach - I am seeing it as a battle- because that's what people say, isn't it? They say 'Fight it!' and I would if I knew how. I find I am focusing on worrying about my DDs a lot and feeling very tearful because of those thoughts, how my lovely elder DD is single when most of her friends are in relationships, married and with families; the younger, who has a wonderful partner and baby, has just moved somewhere where she might be a bit isolated; she can't yet drive confidently (she has an adapted car) and their road is narrow and quite steep (my heart sank as I saw how tricky it might be, but I kept ALL negative thoughts firmly to myself)....she has had mental health problems herself, though she copes a lot better since having excellent therapy, but I worry about her being isolated and not knowing anyone...
None of that I can do anything about, it's true: I am focusing on the negative stuff rather a lot at the moment and the thoughts get more and more tangled. It worsened when I found out a friend's daughter was finally in a relationship - till then, I could comfort myself by thinking, well, not EVERYONE DD1 knows is spoken for, so that's OK...and now I keep thinking that I can't avoid the issue because my friend will be naturally delighted and I will have to pretend, with a good grace, all the time feeling the pain of comparison which I will have to deal with somehow.

I can't seem to stop the train of thoughts and painful feelings at the moment so please forgive me for venting on Gransnet. It feels as if I am falling apart at the seams. I've made a casserole for dinner somehow, so I guess I'm not a total washout....I just wish I could stem the tears right now, dagnabbit!

Rowantree, is your elder. DD unhappy? she could be in an unhappy marriage , that's worse . Be happy for your friend , her daughter hasn't enticed the bloke away from your daughter .

You say you made a casserole then immediately put yourself down , you didn't burn it or forget to turn the stove on - I did this yesterday .

Why not write of things you accomplish without a negative after thought? Try it . I know it's so hard , but every little thing you do to change your thinking will aid in your recovery x

I don't know whether she's unhappy or not - she is struggling to establish her career and a long term relationship broke up a year ago, because her partner didn't want children and younger DD had just announced her pregnancy. I don't ask her about her private life - I assume that if there was anyone new, she will tell me in her own time. But I do know she would dearly love a family.
And yes, I would like to be happy for my friend's daughter, but in all honesty I can't. I despise myself for that, and I would never do or say anything unpleasant or grudging - I am ashamed of how I feel.

The casserole was fine and yes, I actually enjoyed eating it!
You're right about the negative afterthought - I must try to be aware of these things more.

Bless you.
xxx

Dear RT, your stoicism is admirable. I hope you feel lighter having shed the yoke of the MBT that wasn't helping you and hugs.

Rowantree Do you think it would worth foregoing the migraine meds so that you can try an ssri? It's possible you might not get the headaches once you were on the right antidepressant.

I was wondering about that. Someone I know found that her migraine tablets were actually making her depressed. And, if the migraine is very bad you may qualify for botox treatment.

I had thought about that myself, jinglbellsfrocks and Tegan - I don't even take the migraine meds regularly, only when I need them. I am thinking about suggesting that next time I see the shrink. It would definitely be worth a try. He's not suggested that himself for some reason.
I am hoping that I might feel a little better now I'm not having to go to that dreadful place twice a week - two whole days, it was, much of it rather humiliating. I am thinking of joining another U3a group once I am feeling up to it.

After watching an episode of 'Brideshead Revisited' and some of 'Mapp and Lucia' from years and years ago, I am feeling rather less wrung out. Sometimes, I've found that I feel better during the evening, only to wake the next morning back to square one, so to speak. It'd be lovely to wake up feeling OK for a change! Maybe tomorrow....?!

In all honesty, though, I couldn't ever recommend MBT to anyone. I am baffled at the idea that it actually helps anyone's mental health problems, but apparently it does, or it wouldn't continue to be funded.....

And thanks to Grannyknot for your hugs and flowers X

Rowan I think Annie's suggestion about writing down the good moments is worth doing. A dear friend, only in her thirties, has been recently diagnosed with severe clinical depression after years of struggling. A mutual friend bought her a beautiful notebook to do just the same thing. She found it hard at first but now writes down at least one positive experience every day. And because it's such an exquisite book she takes pleasure in adding to it. She calls it her 'book of treasures' and says it's helping her sense of self worth.

I love the idea of writing in a beautiful book. I'm going to try it.

It might even help me with another shameful issue I struggle with: envy. I know I have no right to feel it, but I do, and not only does it feel painful but so is the accompanying shame and guilt.

I think I was wired up all wrong somehow - sometimes I just feel sub-human.

Not sub human Rowan, just human x

The thread on my other forum has now been looked at by over 10,000 people; some sort of record I believe [it's only been up for a few days] which goes to show how many people have been affected by depression [and have spoken most movingly about it as well]. Quite an eye opener and a learning curve for many people, methinks.

Tegan, it is so important that depression can be spoken of freely, I had severe post natal depression in 1970, spent several weeks in a mental hospital , whilst 'in there' my husband and two babies were moved to another town by the police force because it was thought it would be easier for me to 'come out' and not have to face the community . At least things have moved on regards PND , thank God

I should explain, we were moved by the force because my husband was a D.C. I hadn't gone on a rampage through the town

I have had a read about this MBT, and to be honest it sounds a very tiring thing to go through. I think you are well out of that Rowantree. No wonder you are feeling exhausted. I don't know how old you are but you say you were the oldest person in the group and that speaks volumes. It's probably best for younger people with more energy to cope with it.

I think you need to spend some time now taking care of yourself. Just be kind to you. Don't criticise yourself because you feel envy - everyone does - it's not just you. A lot of people feel anxiety. I often wake up with "butterflies" but it goes off once I am up and doing things.

Accept yourself for what you are - a normal human being, no better and no worse than anyone else. Watch a bit of telly, go out shopping and buy yourself something nice, get DH to take you out for lunch now and again during the week. Anything to relax you and cheer you up. (A book you can get into can be a blessing)

And stop worrying about DD. She is probably a lot more contented in her life than you realise. Time to let the grownup kids look out for themselves now. And forget that label. I doubt if your personality is any more disordered than everyone else's! You're fine!

Goodness, Anniebach - what a way to treat a seriously ill person and family. I'm appalled. Did you have support when you came out of hospital?
Tegan - 10,000 is a huge amount of people indeed. Depression, as other mental health problems, still carries stigma though. I was too ashamed to tell my MIL and some other family members I was (until last week) having therapy at a well-known psychiatric hospital. I don't want her to know. I also have to hide it from other people who might judge me because of it.

I don't think depression carries a stigma anymore. Far too much of it about for that.

Jingle

Rowantree, yes I had support and it was a long time ago, I wasn't even told it was PND, just told ' you shouldn't consider having more children', I being very naive thought he meant I shouldn't have more children because I was mentally ill

Jingle, I agree there isn't a stigma as then but there is still intolerance even within the medical profession. Not only with depression but other mental health problems too