OCD

Oh speldnan I do feel for you and for him. I don't enough experience with OCD to comment in any helpful way.

But at this stage of my life, I do recognise elements of certain behaviours in so many people and I work with someone who is the office 'control freak' and we gently accommodate him in so many ways. Just the other day, he summarised all the various team office parties in a table, dates, times, venues, format and mailed them round to the whole division - quite helpful actually but we all knew it was for himself that he did it.

There are lots of people on here who will know more than I do. It's a fascinating topic and like so many other things, there's a whole spectrum.

One approach is any of the talking therapies, sometimes, but I would not recommend, medication. You say however that he won't get help. I have used NLP successfully with OCD and someone might just come to the house for a chap. Relaxation and reframing is the key. Perhaps you could decide you needed a relaxation tape/cd and get him to listen to keep you company. The words on the tape should only be for relaxation not, in my opinion, tightening and relaxing. One with a degree of visualisation is great.
Most OCD is a defence against looking at the real problem because it's too difficult to do so. Learning new mental tools to keep in a tool bag (mental tool bag) will help. Learning to use visualisation to put the problems on a mental rockery so that they can be viewed in the third person will help. The mental rockery can then be planted with flowers so that it good to look at but the rocks can still be seen. (Not hiding the problems but at a safe distance to review later)
Hope this is of help but of course you should try and persuade him to get face to face help via his GP. my suggestions are just stop gap.

Brenda I hope they come to the house for a chat ...

We have a recording of waves breaking on a beach which has helped DH a great deal.

I blame it all on predictive text Grannyknot. Love B

I have mild OCD and so do most members of my family in one way or another, so it's a very common thing, and a way of making the world predictable and managable.It only matters if it is really having a bad effect on your life. The most common one is hand washing and also checking things repeatedly even though you know you have done it [checking locked doors etc.]I allow myself to check things 3 times and no more.I also like books, ornaments arranged in my own way. Your DH could make a list with you of the things he repeatedly does and talk through it. If he finds the thought of chores [work or house related] daunting then the best way is a list of those too, a checklist, and they can be ticked when done.DGS had a period of hand washing [and my own son had this for a time at same age 8 years old.]We talked about it and it gradually got less and less.If nothing works, then a talk with your GP is the best thing.

My DH has/had OCD . He also refused to go to GP so I went alone. GP said he would phone him if DH didn't go and see him but thankfully he did.
This was 30 years ago and has been on medication since then, now at an extremely low level.
This has saved our marriage as I couldn't have stood any more.
He is a different person now.
I had advice from the late Claire Rayner. She said if he had a broken leg he would get it seen to, it's the same with OCD.
Good luck.