What type of insomniac are you?

I follow all those 'rules' apart from the fresh air one - it would be far too noisy in the early morning - but then my problem is often waking up at 3, 4 or 5 a.m. and not being able to get back to sleep again rather than not being able to drop off at all. I know the advice is to get up and do something, but quite honestly my body is tired and doesn't want to, even though my mind won't stop going over things again and again...

Reading for a while does help, if it's early enough, otherwise I'm worrying about not getting enough sleep...

Back to insomnia

I do wonder how many here have followed numero uno advice given by all sleep experts. To declutter the bedroom, make sure it has total light blocking curtains, and take TV and computer out of there and keep heating down, if at all possible with some fresh air getting in (not always possible here in a blizzard and - 20C, lol). Eg to keep bedroom as a sleep nest and nothing else.

They also advise that if you are fretting, you should get out of bed and go to another room, then return when you think you are ready to sleep.

Also to try and not nap during the day if at all possible - unless it is after lunch for a hort-time, max 1 hour. And not nap in the evening - keep yourself awake if you feel yourself 'go' if at all possible + not go to bed too early.

I have discussed this with a friend (guess who) from GN- and she disagrees as having a routine is not important to her (we agree to disagree of course) but all the experts agree that it is paramount to regain good sleep patterns.

Misunderstandings clearly abound, as we often find with only the printed word, limited at that, and no facial expressions to go on. I suggest a truce.

(btw, just to be clear, my kids have not been in a similar situation to the one your son is in; I have. The analogy ends there)

Bags I am not meaning to upset you but you do often on GN launch into a thing about not worrying or fretting over adult offspring because they are adults etc. You may mean it kindly but I don't think it comes across that way. So that is feedback and you can do with it what you choose.
You seem to be reading an awful lot into my original remark that I had an in-the-background minor concern about my son driving across the desert on his own. "la la la" was meant to express that I was choosing not to dwell on it, worry about him, think of things that could go wrong etc.
You don't know whether he is looking forward to it or worried about it himself. And you certainly have no idea what kind of communication there has been about the topic, if any.
Maybe your line: actually, I have been in a similar situation more than once is telling and that the issue of parents worrying about their adult children is a bit close to home?

It doesn't seem to occur to you, jess, that you might have upset me too! My 'lecturing' as you call it was meant to be bracing rather than upsetting. If you find it upsetting that is a shame and I'm sorry for that, but it is not my fault that you interpret things as you do. You clearly have not read much of what I've written on here if you think me an unsympathetic person.

How do you think I acquired what you perceive as my "natural emotional resilience"? Just because I haven't told of the harder parts of my life on GN doesn't mean I haven't had them (may still be having them for all you know). However, I don't wish to play the emotional card. My points on this thread are to do with clear thinking as a way of dealing with pointless worry, and my last ones perhaps need a bit more explanation.

I'll put myself in your son's shoes (actually, I have been in a similar situation more than once). If I, as a recognised "competent adult" and "good planner" was about to embark on a life adventure such as you describe and a man – any man, including my husband or father – "la la la'd" about it, I would think their attitude patronising. Why is it different if a mother does that? I don't think it is. That's just my view and I'm allowed to express it.

Thank you york and ana I find it hard to know how a parent can truly and completely stop worrying in some corner of their mind. Maybe a year or two of meditation in a Buddhist monastery would do the trick.
Crimson I thought like that until one of mine got cancer and thought he could beat it without conventional medical treatment. And didn't tell me. Since then I think I would rather know. Certainly if it is something I might have an influence over.
Bags it would be nice if you would start being a bit more understanding when people are upset and when you have upset people. I am pretty thick skinned and consider myself a very strong person. But only strong because of the things I have been through and the learning that has resulted. And each time I feel challenged the other times are there with me. It is like walking up to a pit of demons. I have learned to walk away from the edge and not get pulled in. But they are all still down there calling with their siren song.
You seem to have a different type of strength - but everyone is not lucky enough to have natural emotional resilience. Please be gentle with us.

Hope you slept well, jeni. Lovely this morning.

jess, I'm sorry the relaxation techniques you have, ahem, 'lectured' us about, do not seem to have worked for you. I wish you joy of your matronising.

Good night, sleep peacefully

Tonight I'm soooo tired I really hope I'm going to sleep. Only 3 hours last night, no reason, just couldn't sleep!

Tonight!
May God grant us a peaceful and tranquil night.

Too right, york46 - I find it hard to understand how any mother (parent?) can just stop worrying about their children once they've grown up and moved away from the family home. They may no longer be our official responsibility but we continue to care about their wellbeing, and sometimes 'worrying' does come into it!

Jess - as mothers we always worry about our children, no matter how old they are so you are in good company here. I'm sure your son is a competent young man and I hope good luck comes his way soon

I've found with my son that it's best that I don't know what he's doing and find out about it afterwards. When he went on a short holiday to America couple of years back his, then girlfriend told me they were planing to skydive. I could have done without knowing that. As it happens, they didn't anyway,

Yup, bags dismally. You do always give the impression that your kids have never really given you much to worry about. No drugs. No dropping out of education. No problems with the police. No major financial problems. No major health problems. Am I wrong or did I perhaps miss something?
And then you bloody lecture the rest of us about how to cope!
Yes it is my subconscious when I find myself half awake thinking about something that, when fully awake, I can usually choose not to think about.
Or worry about whether they will be able to find somewhere to rent over the xmas period (they have a house sit for 3 weeks) . Or whether he will be able to get a job.
And yes it is a big adventure and he is an excellent planner and a very competent adult.
And yes I have had epic amounts of practice at not worrying and am pretty bloody good at it. But there is still a bit of me that has protective feelings towards my grown up kids.
OK rant over.

I suppose I'm trying to zap out some positive thinking on the airwaves.

Fail

When she's awake in the night. We are talking about insomnia, aren't we? That is, being awake.

But seriously, it sounds like a great adventure. I hope it works out splendidly.

Sorry. I thought it was her conscious mind doing the worrying.

Bags, why get heavy with Jess because of what her subconscious comes up with? I'm quite sure that she knows, in the clear light of day, that what you say is right. But we are not responsible for the things that our subconscious minds throw up in the middle of the night.

Just giving grown up people some credit for a bit of sense is all.

Good luck to them indeed, but I expect they've thought it through and taken the necessary precautions and put some effort into working out what to expect. I would. Wouldn't you?

it sounds like a momentous journey, Jess. Sydney to Perth is a huge distance and it does seem that they are taking a leap in the dark. Good luck to them.

Do you really worry that your grown up son cannot cope with something he has undertaken to do, jess?

Gosh.

What kind of insomniac am I? The kind who is awake at 3.45 in the morning posting on Gransnet.

DH is asleep before his head hits the pillow and shortly afterwards snores so loudly that the windows rattle!!! When I complained about the snoring, he said "well, go to sleep and then you won't hear me". If only......................!

This insomniac has to get up early tomorrow as I'm working in welsh Wales!

I think that about sums it up susie. Throw in a few adult children with their ups and downs. I can successfully not worry about them in the day. But that does not mean my subconscious mind can be similarly beaten down.
My DS1 is setting off next week to drive from Sydney to Perth, on his own, towing the family's belongings. When they get there they have to sort out a house to rent and a job for him. La la la. I'm fine, la la la. But I will be finer once they are settled.