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Very confused by expectations

(5 Posts)
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2Understand Mon 27-Jul-26 19:19:27

I am recently widowed which has been a difficult adjustment. My husband's son's wife has been estranged from my husband and me and his son can not stand up for himself. We rarely saw them and in 27 years and never invited to their house or out to dinner. Since his father's passing, the son only corresponded to my emails regarding distribution of assets. My husband left each of his kids nearly $1M. 4 days ago their son was killed in an accident. In the obituary there was no mention of my husband predeceasing the grandson and there was no mention of me as a surviving step grandmother. My husband and his X have been bitter towards each other since their divorce 30 years ago. After so many years of anxiety regarding their behavior and lack of acknowledgement, I am not compelled to attend the funeral as I didn't get opportunity to know him due to parents' estrangement. As an unwelcomed family member, I really would not rather go. Any thoughts?

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MissAdventure Mon 27-Jul-26 20:18:25

Would your husband have wanted you to go, as a mark of respect, I suppose might be the best way to decide.

On the other hand, if you really don't want to go to the funeral it could be clessed as hypocrisy if you do.

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Magenta8 Mon 27-Jul-26 20:30:13

You could just send condolences and make a donation to a charity if they have named one. It might not be seen as appropriate if you send flowers or a wreath.

Have you been given any indication that you are expected to go to the funeral? If not, I don't think you should feel obliged if you don't want to.

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Fallingstar Mon 27-Jul-26 21:06:56

“ As an unwelcomed family member, I really would not rather go. Any thoughts?”

I think you already know what you are going to do and for the right reason. If the father and son were estranged it could be seen as ‘awkward’ if you were to show up for the funeral.
Your gut instinct is guiding here, would pay attention to it.

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Sadgrandma Mon 27-Jul-26 21:17:16

Have you actually been invited? I would guess not. As Magenta8 says perhaps send a letter of condolences.

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