The importance of grandparents - we could have told them this!

Totally agree

I can remember spending time with both grans and I was fortunate to have two great grandmas, one of which taught me to play the piano.

I have very fond memories of time spent all g with the things they taught me.

My 5 year old grandson and I were having a very self congratulatory moment on Friday. He told me of his friend from school whose grandmother had cancer. So what happened to her, I asked… she died before he was born. Bit of a sobering moment.
We then realised how very fortunate we were.

I suspect that the reason for "the grandparent effect being strongest for the mother's mother" is because the father's mother often doesn't get a look in.

I totally adored my Grandparents, especially my Mums parents heartbroken when my lovely Nan passed away. My Dad's parents, a different storey, his Dad we all loved, he was fabulous fun but my Dad's mum, what a cold fish. I was her grandchild no 13, she never had much time for us, especially the younger girls. She even told my Mum when my sister was born, if she had, had a Boy she would have given her a bigger gift for the baby. Needless to say, my Mum always referred to her, in derogatory terms!

I was very very close to my maternal grandparents although my paternal grandparents live in the same town I saw them once a week for a ‘formal’ visit.i think the difference was my maternal grandparents were younger than the paternal ones my paternal grandma was house bound and the maternal grandparents literally had me as their only grandchild my paternal grandparents had six or seven other grandkids
When it came to me, my husband ‘disappeared’ and left me with three children so I went home to be near mum and dad to help me , although I kept a healthy relationship with the paternal grandparents, again they had a very, very big family of loads of grandkids.
It’s often not intentional

😫😩 all four of my grandparents died before I was born. No hope for me then.

The government is just grateful for all the unpaid child care from grandparents now.
Cynical moi ?

My grandchildren are keeping me alive … so the government has to keep paying my somewhat meagre State pension as compared to other European countries plus again NHS ….

My maternal GP’s died when I was very young, I have a vague recollection of GF. Paternal GF died young leaving my GM with young C, my F was the eldest and had a tough upbringing.
My GM lived with her youngest D and mostly brought up her children so they were the favourite GC.
I didn’t really get a look in after my F died when I was 11.
So no attachment or affection to/ from them.
I have had a lot of input in my own GC’s lives and two of them, not siblings, live with me.

I also read an article in the Times re. pensions.
Apparently the ‘expert’ said that £10,000 invested at birth would give a decent pension at 65. Obviously you (at least I) would probably need a bit of advice.
We are now thinking of doing something for our grandchild. We only have one. Imagine if you had 11 like my mum!
I have a feeling that he’d rather have the cash now but we wouldn’t give him the choice. When he gets to 65 he might remember how wonderful we were? He’s already 15 and only grunts at us, perhaps we are late to the party!

sodapop

The government is just grateful for all the unpaid child care from grandparents now.
Cynical moi ?

It is funded by The Cabinet Office!

Not everyone agrees though MawsRosie which is why sometimes parents estranged from their child(ren) and GC are told that they wont be missed as GP's aren't that important .

Children need positive influences and love from their “village” no matter who the village is. Some children are born without living grandparents. They aren’t disenfranchised on that fact alone, just as some grandparents simply aren’t positive influences despite frequent contact. I think these “studies” just state the obvious by oversimplifying and cherry-picking factors. Love and support are the key points with positive outcomes and children, not necessarily adult familial titles alone.

Having said that, I feel blessed to provide said love and support to my grandchildren. I order to achieve this I must also love and support their parents. Having a village is great, but having a village who works together matters most.

Someone who loves the child as a loving parent would. That can be a teacher, a neighbor or a friend, not always a grandparent. Some grandparents are scary !

Wonder what the next generation of grandparents will be like? The ones that do all the gentle parenting and estrangement nowadays? Interesting!

The only grandparent I had was my mother’s stepmother, who didn’t like me and the feeling was mutual. My much older siblings had no contact with her either. My own children have very little recollection of their grandparents as we were always out of the country. Sad, but there was nothing we could do about it. By the time we bought our first proper home all GPs were gone. I have one grandchild and I wanted him to have the grandparents that I and my children missed out on. It has not always been easy, but has been and still is, an absolute joy.

Time will tell SpinDriftCoastal.

SpinDriftCoastal,

I’m sure they won’t do much better or worse than the generation who smacked their children, smoked in their presence, and had a “children should be seen and not heard” mentality. As humans are imperfect, I wouldn’t hold one generation up as a bastion of perfect parenting/grandparenting, nor the worst.

SpinDriftCoastal

Wonder what the next generation of grandparents will be like? The ones that do all the gentle parenting and estrangement nowadays? Interesting!

How in the world is estrangement part to OP?

I had just one paternal grandmother when I was a child . She came to live with us when I was about twelve and at high school by then. She was very sweet. My two younger siblings had more time with her as they were only 8 and 4 . My DC benefited greatly from having retired young and active loving grandparents ((my parents) and they still recall the times with them. Their paternal grandparents had no interest in them as they had already had 10 by the time our’s arrived . But I was relieved really as my FIL was a most unpleasant man and DH had no time for him . We visited about twice a year and it was always difficult.
I am the only grandparent for DD’s children and the only grandma for DS . I was pretty involved when they were younger, but not like my parents as I was still working and DH was retired but not a well man . We still had lots of good times but not huge amounts of caring for them . This week my twins are 16, my youngest GS is 10 and DiL is 48 ! How time flies…

Dont waste your time, I spent 15 years on my grandaughter before she became old enough to look after herself, gave her plenty of love and attention and she didnt even invite us to her wedding, it killed husband her grandpa

Tell that to the ones who keep their children away from grandparents

my granny brought me up for the most part, i learned all my old type stuff from her, i was 24 when i fell pregnant to an older partner (married for 18 years till i lost him) when i told my mum her reply, you have to have what your sister has and ruin it for her, told i could not have kids so this was out of the blue, the first time she baby sat he was 5 and she never did again, she took plenty of interest with all the other kids but not mine, he grew not needing a gran, but now she is elderly he will do anything she needs as that is the type of person he is.

Missiseff

Tell that to the ones who keep their children away from grandparents

I'd assume they have reasons.