Partner won’t accept my grandchild

So it is jealousy and controlling? That puts a completely different spin on things really. It's not unreasonable to expect a partner to be kind and thoughtful, even if they are insular

Do you live together?

Jealousy, is a big worry. It would make me think once, twice, three, four times, and more

I think you will need to be very robust and tell him how yu intend to conduct your relationship with daughter and grandchild. Frankly they come first.

Thank you everyone, like I say there is a lot more that has gone on etc but looking at it from his point of view is something I will do, he’s a very jealous man and I’d say gets funny when I see my daughter, hates our close relationship.
He hasn’t even no nieces/nephews so in his words doesn’t get babies…

Baggs

Not being interested is not the same as not accepting. I don't think it's unnatural for him not to be interested in a new baby who is not related to him even though you're ecstatic about it. He may become interested as the child becomes more interesting anyway.

In the meantime, enjoy being a grandma without forcing it down your partner's throat.

I agree wholeheartedly with Baggs' comment. I wasn't clear from your post whether there were problems in the relationship other than the engagement with the GC?

You should NOT accept that he make you choose between you and the GC but you don't say that he is doing that.....
Not being that interested is , indeed, not the same as not accepting.
This is a reasonably long standing relationship with your partner. If it is a good one I would go ahead with my Grandma role and accept that he may well like your GC but is simply not "mad about her" in the way that you are.
I am a step-gran and I think people thesedays are a bit obsessed about their children in a way that my parents never were nor was my younger sister with my nephews and niece.
It can be a bit difficult to digest, so , no, don't force it down his throat.

Thank you I’ve done that! I thought I’d posted a separate post!

An issue does not need to be made of it.

It may not be jealousy though. It could be as the OP said, that he's just not interested because he's a loner/reserved/introverted/is happy in his own company.

If some or all of those are true I don't see why Frenchie should have a problem seeing the grandchild. MrF can just do his own thing meantime. Couples don't have to do everything together, nor to be interested in everything the other is interested in.

Spot on Redhead!

A partner being jealous of a mother daughter relationship would not be in my life. There is being singular and being selfish the two do not go together.

I've got no interest whatsoever in other people's children, babies, or teens.
However, I would and have made exceptions for important people.

I couldn't go over the top with love for them, though.

I think a lot of men are not particularly interested in small babies (except, perhaps, their own offspring). Children become more interesting as they grow and develop their own characters and interests.

Perhaps Frenchie's DP will become more interested as her grandchild develops. As long as he doesn't spoil her relationship with the child...

I think you know he will not change! In your situation I am not sure I could deal with his attitude towards not only the new baby but your family in general. That would break my heart, please think carefully.

Frenchie your partner is who he is, and given the way you describe him, I would have thought his reaction is one that could have been expected. he is clearly a very self-contained person, who only has a limited iterest in personal relationships. if you have been together 8 years, you must understand this by now.

Suddenly your life has changed. It is up to you now whether you end your relationship or accept his attitude and on your side make it clear that your child and grandchild matter immensely to you and you will always be therefore them and will want to be around for them, you accept he has no interest in them.

Decide how much time you want to devote to them, perhaps, on average, say, one or two days a week, it could be regular child care (at the child's house), or holidays, or weekends away, and you will be doing that but you will not involve him.

All partnerships at some time hit crises and in good relationships you work them outtogether with respect for each partnes wishes.

My DH didn't show much interest in the DGC when they were babies but as soon as they could be pushed on swings or shown things, in fact as soon as they showed an interest in him, he adored them.
He was the same with our own DC . He was scared of tiny babies scared he might drop them or they would scream
It may change as you get to know the new one.

Ofcourse he may be jealous of your close relationship with DD and her new arrival. This needs to be handled tactfully.

If you love your DP and he loves you, that is special and should be nurtured.
It's your life. The baby is a joy but not yours. There will be more times without baby than with.

excellent post keeping quiet.

I agree with Baggs.

Two things going on here. First you have been together 8 years and your DP is not (I presume never has been) interested in your family. He is a loner. It sounds like you are realising your partner isn't going to change, and you are questioning whether he is the right person for you. You may have been thinking this even if there were no GC in the mix.
Bring on a life changing event like the birth of your first GC. Your life has shifted but his remains the same.
Now you are thinking the GC may be the cause of your possible separation?
I think you do need to have a serious think about what you are expecting from the relationship now your life has changed.
I would advise focussing on this for a while. You GC is very small and there will be lots of time ahead, but pushing issues into the long grass will not get rid of them.
It is very common for an emotional shift to take place when GC come along, I know because this happened to me.
We are in a kind of romance with someone else and so the focus shifts. I see this happen in estrangement situations all the time.
Only spending time with your DP will help you see if indeed this is just another adjustment you have to make, or whether you choose one relationship over the other.
I hope you can sort this out.

Me and DP share 3 children and 3 GC ...no others but many of my friends are in blended family set ups .....they all say it can be difficult....and more so when GC come along if they haven't had a relationship with the AC as a child .....one friend said its been a case of fake it til you make it , with her DPs GC ...she says she had no interest in them at all ....but makes the effort at family gatherings ....and says all the right things...but encourages her DP to spend time with them without her....she says over the years she has developed a bit of fondness for them ...but thats it .....and I think I get that...you can't force relationships .....and however lovely it is for you to have a new grandchild its never going to be like that for your DP ....If he isn't discouraging you having a relationship with your GC and spending time with them....then sometimes this is as good as it gets ....he can't be something he's not...your life has changed ie you now a granny....his hasn't.....I hope you can make it work

I’m not interested in babies, older grandchildren children are OK in small doses, it wouldn’t cause any serious issue if my wife took regular interest in grandchildren I’d find something else to do.
However caring for a baby full time so mum can work is different that would not please me, my wife’s attitude is their kids they look after them, so beyond evening babysitting doesn’t get involved.

LizzieP welcome
do you think you could ask admin to move your post to a new thread for you as this is about Frenchie concerns and you might not get any answers as everyone will be concentrating on helping frenchie
Just click on the button that says report at the top near your title and fill in the box that comes up

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You can’t make someone interested, and you can’t expect them to change either He is what he is and you kind of knew what he was like from day one you say ….a loner and not interested in others Remember he hasn’t changed ….you have
Get as much enjoyment out of your new grandbaby share his/her pictures; news, milestones with friends, daughter etc etc and leave him out of the (baby)equation but if you ve made him the centre of your attention for 8 years then there will need to be adjustments. You can’t just drop him like a hot cake so you will need to share your life between him and the baby without coming home and cooing and expecting a positive reaction.
It will take a bit of skill so good luck and I hope you can enjoy the both

Baggs

Not being interested is not the same as not accepting. I don't think it's unnatural for him not to be interested in a new baby who is not related to him even though you're ecstatic about it. He may become interested as the child becomes more interesting anyway.

In the meantime, enjoy being a grandma without forcing it down your partner's throat.

Thank you I really am hoping so, that has made me look at it differently I do appreciate your message 🙂

Not being interested is not the same as not accepting. I don't think it's unnatural for him not to be interested in a new baby who is not related to him even though you're ecstatic about it. He may become interested as the child becomes more interesting anyway.

In the meantime, enjoy being a grandma without forcing it down your partner's throat.