Exhaustion and feeling low looking after 2 yr old 7 days a week, 8/9 hours a day for a month plus twice a year

Also we raised our children at a different time. They trust you enough to do the same type of childcare.

Do u all live together? If not when does the child see the parents. They chose this situation not you. You have basically adopted a child but not been told . Do they contribute to the cost? I’m sorry you are all dealing with this. It’s a tough situation.

Don't put yourself and your own parenting skills down. I'm sure you did your best at the time. This is far too much childcare for one person to undertake. No wonder you're exhausted. I'm afraid you'll have to be firm. Decide what you're happy with and stick to your guns. As others have said this isn't your child and if you keep on, you'll not only make yourself ill -and then you won't be any good to anyone, but you'll begin to resent the little one, instead of looking forward to spending time with her. I'm 66 and I definitely wouldn't do what you're doing. I told both my children that I'd help when I could but not to depend on me.

Preschool daily schedule example
7:00am—8:30am: Welcome / Free play
8:30am—9:00am: Breakfast
9:00am—9:30am: Clean up
9:30am—10:30am: Circle time
10:30am—12:00pm: Learning centers
12:00pm—1:00pm: Lunch
1:00pm—1:30pm: Clean up
1:30pm—2:30pm: Nap time
2:30pm—3:00pm: Storytime
3:00pm—4:00pm: Outdoor play
4:00pm—4:30pm: Snack time
4:30pm—5:00pm: Clean up / Free play
5:00pm: Close
Preschool half-

You should not be doing these houers but, whilst you are I suggest you get your grang daughter into a routine similar to a preschool one.
What are the routines for preschoolers?
Routines are an important part of the classroom day. Routines in preschool classrooms include things such as arrival time, bathroom time, clean-up time, naptime, and departure time. Many routines, such as meals or group time, are necessary and helpful to building a consistent classroom community.

This sie will give you preschool schedule ideas: mybrightwheel.com/blog/preschool-schedule-ideas-to-structure-your-day

Once you have come up with one that you can manage then you start delegating to your husband whilst you are still in the house. For example this schedule has nap time and snack time. You would aim for you to do nap time and as snack time became a very much desire part of your grand child*s schedule you would incrementally hand it over to your husband. etc.

I only want to react to one ingle thing you said : that you did all your parenting wrong. No you didn't! I'm só sure you didn't! Because if you did your grandchild wouldn't be left in your care! Look up girl, take a deep breath, wipe hour tears. Go and find a solution so you maybe have your grandaughter half time or such, and then you will be able to enjoy her too!

A member of my family has been the childcarer for 2 grandchildren over the last 5 years. Her health has now taken an enormous decline.

This is a difficult one.

Presumably the child's parents are working these hours doing seasonal work because this is the only work they can get?

So obviously, you want to help.

However, there is a reason women of our age don't have babies! We simply don't have the strength to care full-time for infants, toddlers or even young school-children any longer.

You need to talk honestly to the parents and tell them that you are not able to continue doing this, but that you will to the best of your ability either help them find some other form of work, or find someone who can look after the child full-time while they work, and that you hope you can do an afternoon a week, or whatever else suits you, under a new arrangement.

It really is not your job. You did your bit raising your own. It's much too much. You should be enjoying freedom to relax and do your own thing. How entitled are the kiddies parents! 9 am until 7 cheek. They need a sharp wake up call. Learn to say No. I am shocked that so much is expected of you. Maybe show them your post and replies.

I'm a full time carer of a 5year old. I had her full time during lockdown when she was 16months.
I also had to take parenting classes to pass fostering support.
It is absolutely exhausting.
I now have relief over the weekend and I mostly sleep. But I wouldn't have done it if I had a choice and you have the choice to tell the parents No.
There are 2 of them, 1 of them could go part time and take over, at least one of them could consider a career change.
Most parents, usually the mother takes a step back back or career change - I don't agree it should be the mother - but it usually is.
In the caring world it is called caring or compassion fatigue- please look into it.
You can't make changes to your parenting and blame yourself if your running on empty. Take care

can the parents not use childcare/nursery for part of the week, what about other grandparents, are they able to help and as for not staying with dh, just go out, if she throws a tantrum, it won't last long and she will settle down and get used to being with dh. you need to speak to the parents, what would happen if you took ill, who would step in and take over, you are going to make yourself ill, this happened to one of my neighbours, she had her two 4 year old gd everyday during the summer holiday's and for two weeks full time when the parents went on holiday, she ended up taking ill with tiredness and depression.

Number 1 - you are definitely NOT failing your granddaughter and I very much doubt you failed your children either!

Number 2 - I’m exhausted just reading your message!

It’s far too much for you and, dare I say it, if the little one has such attachment issues it might be better to “wean” her off you a little bit and see if she can have the company of others at a Nursery or Childminders once or twice a week.

Very best of luck x

Just say, no more!

NotTooOld

It never fails to amaze me how many grandparents are expected to spend hours of their retirement looking after grandchildren. We laid down a strict set of guidelines when our grandchildren began arriving - occasional baby sitting, fine, help in an emergency, guaranteed, anything else, no. Our son was fine with this, daughter less so, but they both accepted what we said and it has worked out well. Please, OP, stop doing what you are doing, you will make yourself ill.

That is very true about making yourself ill. I am convinced my SIL’s death was hastened by all the helping out she did for her grandchildren. Her daughter’s knew she was very ill and it involved lots of travelling early morning and then the same at the end of the day. She often came home and was so tired she didn’t bother with food and just went straight to bed.

It never fails to amaze me how many grandparents are expected to spend hours of their retirement looking after grandchildren. We laid down a strict set of guidelines when our grandchildren began arriving - occasional baby sitting, fine, help in an emergency, guaranteed, anything else, no. Our son was fine with this, daughter less so, but they both accepted what we said and it has worked out well. Please, OP, stop doing what you are doing, you will make yourself ill.

Putting it bluntly you are being taken for a mug

I think taking care of a 2 year old, 7 days a week for 3 months is way way over the top!
And I am saying that as a very involved, relatively young and healthy grandmother, I would NOT want to nor be able to do it. A 2-year old is a full time job!
I have 4 local GCs, the youngest is nearly 2 and I have her for half a day once or twice a week and that is more than enough.
I agree with others who haver suggested setting some boundaries on the amount the OP is doing.
But how strange that someone posts a question and then doesn't respond to the answers..?

The who's and what's of the OP are irrelevant. The problem being presented here is one that occurs againa nd afain in various forms on GN.

The problem is adult children expecting elderly parents to bring their children up for them because they are so busy,busy,busy with careers, oiutside interests and life in general, They need to be reminded that children are for life not just for Christmas.

Whatever the reason for this. and frequently, no, no, I will not wander from the subject. If grandparents are worn out and exhausted by childcare with children who ignore being told this, then point out to them that of your health breaks; you have a heart attack or stroke, or develop cancer or other debilating illness. Then child care will stop immediately and they could be left trying to find alternative childcare at only a few hours notice.

Point out to these selfish children that it is in their best interests to accept that their parents can no longer -safely- look after their children. Supposing the grandparent has a stroke while holding a child and drops them.

Put the fear of God in these adult children with a picture of care disappearing at a moments notice and their children's health and safety at risk.

Oh yes.
But going by another thread, I think it was Sago who started, it doesnt bother that many people.

Another annoying thread where the OP doesn't come back

Sometimes we can have too much of a good thing!

Germanshepherdsmum

Obviously it isn’t the same grandchild! Isn’t that obvious? You may not have noticed that I wasn’t the first to raise the OP’s post of six years ago.

I think I started it!
I'm nosey. Just fancied researching the OP's name, because I'm a bit of one. As for the thread itself, I'd already given a helpful answer, so was just surprised to read the other thread from 6 years ago - the one and only time the OP had posted. Of course it isn't the same DGD who is mentioned, but I'm just curious as to how it is now the complete reverse of the previous occasion.
(And nothing better to do while waiting for a flight home from 🇳🇱!)

Well unless poster comes back we ll never know as we ll just keep talking to ourselves and advising the air

I can understand the exhaustion aspect of this as I look after one GC for three days a week plus have other GCs before and after school. The long days can be a killer but we try (mostly successfully) to make sure that our days off remain our days off.
But OP the full on care that you are giving this obviously much loved GC is already taking its toll on your health and social life.
One way around this is to join a playgroup locally - you would be surprised at the number of grandparents in the same position as you. So you would have a social outlet and the opportunity to make friends and have a play date while you have a coffee and a chat. We also go to Toddler swim and Toddler Dance - not long activities in themselves but they use up energy and get you out of the house. This will change as your GC starts Nursery soon - so speak to your ACs and let them know that you are struggling a] with the childcare and b] you want them to pay for all activities that you take GC to and to look into a nursery place NOW!!
Some soft play outlets offer annual membership which is really good value for money compared to the £6-10 per session and at our local one we can sit and have a coffee and snack or meal.
It does sound as though you are being taking advantage of in providing so much childcare for your ACs - perhaps they need to look for alternative employment.

Obviously it isn’t the same grandchild! Isn’t that obvious? You may not have noticed that I wasn’t the first to raise the OP’s post of six years ago.