Are they insensitive?

My daughter uses social media to post a picture for those people who have sent presents or that she won't see again for a long time. By the time they meet again the child will have grown and that's too late. Much nicer if they can see a baby or child wearing the present.

Think about it - maybe the person gifting that pj would be so flattered it was her/his present that it was on the picture

So what makes you unhappy makes another person happy

Following this logic too - any picture that is uploaded into social media is a minefield of hurt with very few winners

Should the person posting the pics on social media have a scheduled rotation to make everybody happy? I think it is an insane idea

I think you are fully entitled to be a bit niggled. It wasn't very thoughtful of your daughter (in law ?). Just not a thing to mention to her as its not worth creating tension.

fairplay to you OP.
cheers !

No I don't think your family is insensitive I think you are oversensitive

Yes it is insensitive. I was unemployed but saved up to buy my nephew clothes for his birthday, but NEVER saw him in anything I bought! She often put him in clothes her boss bought, but they were designer clothes. I felt upset by it too,

welbeck it almost pains me to say it, but I think you have a point! (Except for the feudal bit).

i bet it never even crossed her mind who made/ paid for what item of clothing.
surely a birthday pic is to celebrate the person whose b'day it is, not to give kudos to the donor of the kit, as if the child is merely as model for the latest clothes to be paraded.
sorry OP, but it does sound like a gift with strings. agreed you worked hard on the piece, but that was your choice. you could have scoured websites to find such an item instead. but you would probably have the same expectations surrounding due acknowledgement. it sounds rather feudal to me, like having to butter up a patron.
i think your expectations are unrealistic. don't take offence where none is given. it will make you unhappy.

41Lolo81

OP, if I may ask, is it that you haven’t had a pic of your GC wearing the thing you made at all that’s upset you? What would have been your ideal here?
Thank you for your comment. No, it wasn't the fact that I didn't have a photo of her wearing it. I had already seen her wearing it, and both DD and DGD loved it.
I was annoyed (actually, not nearly as upset as I might appear to be in this thread. I could have used different words, such as 'irritated,') because I had been told that DGD specifically wanted a sleepsuit with feet because she hated the ones without them - I had made one, and she was wearing one that was very similar, same colour but without feet. I wouldn't have minded at all if she'd been wearing something completely different like a nightie.
Maybe it was in the wash.

My mum kindly bought and made some nice clothes for my children,looked lovely on the photographs but some were so beautiful and carefully made that they were too nice for everyday.
So some photographs were taken but most were the garden,playing in sand,gardening,water Play etc.
We did have some photographs with the clothes,and sent them,but I hope she didn't feel hurt that we didn't take more.

Please don't feel upset,and

Your daughter obviously likes your sewing,or she would not have asked,and your granddaughter is probably really happy grandma made it specially for her.
I know I am much more emotional and sensitive now,like so many I haven't seen most of my family for 9-10 months now, as they live a long way away,really miss them all.

OP, if I may ask, is it that you haven’t had a pic of your GC wearing the thing you made at all that’s upset you? What would have been your ideal here? Not trying to be harsh at all I genuinely don’t understand what the root of your upset is. Was it the fact that she wore something else on her birthday?
The reason I ask is that your DD will probably do something like this again and unknowingly upset you. If it were my mum this upset over something relatively small I’d be really annoyed with myself and want to avoid doing that, especially when she obviously does value your seamstress skills given she asked you to make her the pyjamas.

it's just a matter of pure objectivity coming from a psychotherapist who sees the need for much greater empathy in human relationships.
The greater empathy could have come from the person who posted the photo!
You weren't the one who spent a week doing the sewing.
something which is actually nothing.
It wasn't nothing to me.

Antonia - you thought you daughter was 'insensitive', you found it 'upsetting', it left you with a 'sour taste'. This is all very ego-centred language. It would help you to try to put yourself in your daughter's shoes and explore the many other interpretations around this instagram photo rather than feeling slighted over something which is actually nothing. And this isn't a 'harsh' posting, it's just a matter of pure objectivity coming from a psychotherapist who sees the need for much greater empathy in human relationships. .

I've stopped buying my step grandson clothes because
I have never seen him wearing any of them - let alone seeing a photo of him in them.

Antonia - I would be!

I think it would have been nice if your Daughter had taken a photograph of the said sleep suit,to say thank you to you.
Dont think about it anymore, the next photo might be of the lovely suit you made.

Very talented,probably yours was too big,in the wash or waiting to be folded after washing and not back in with babies clothes.That was a lovely present to make,I spent a lot of time cutting the feet portion off one of my grandchildren’s sleepers
Your daughter is just probably so busy and so tired at present and just thought I’ll just take a quick picture of baby because she looks so cute,more pictures will follow,probably in your suit,don’t feel sad you did a brilliant job.

I can understand your upset, Antonia. You did put a lot of time into making it. I once made a cot blanket for a new born in our family. A few weeks later, I visited, and found the cot blanket was in the dogs bed. That was upsetting at the time, a few years ago, and I thought it insensitive. Why not just donate to a mother and baby charity. Now, I realise, the dog, since died, enjoyed it as he had arthritis in his hips. I never bothered to make them anything again. These days the mother insists on designer clothes for the kids. I wont be paying for that.lol

I too am getting upset over stuff , so I may be with you OP on this one,
It's ever since these lockdowns, before I was pretty laid-back , now the slightest thing upsets me !

I too have made or bought things for grandchildren, never to see them again. I wasn't going to bother again until the 6yr old asked me to knit him a red sweater with pockets and a hood, like Alvin in the Chipmonks!

That said, a photo of the child could have been sent to just you of the child wearing the sleep suit. That would be nice.

Please don't start making a big deal out of such little things. Yes we can get hurt by family snipes and careless attitudes
but try to get your life into some perspective. Maybe you are easily wounded, where does that come from? There is so much more to come, much more difficult issues about raising a child in a world we have little experience of. As they say choose your battles, but better still stop looking for them and rejoice in the fact that your child brought another into the world. The greatest gift a mother can have

Yes, there are strings attached - you expected your item to be in the pictures, to see the fruits of your labour and how happy your gc was wearing it.

This thread is a perfect example of gifts with strings attached

There are no strings attached! I simply thought it was insensitive to post a picture of a different sleepsuit. When 'strings are attached,' it's usually about money being given with the proviso of how it should be spent.

I don't mind people giving their own opinion actually, even if I disagree with them. Life would be boring if we all thought alike.
Thank you to all who have posted positive comments.

piano0156

I think it was insensitive.If the sleeping suit you made was in the wash they could have said something to that effect so as not to upset you.Very uthinking.I would have been upset too.x

But why make an issue out of nothing?

If I posted a photo of my children, It certainly would not occur to me to post in the caption that they are wearing this because of that and they aren’t wearing that because it’s in the wash. I would just post a photo and get on with life. It’s not meant to be hurtful or a snub.

If I posted photos of my children now and wrote out everything they were wearing they would think I was a crazy person.