Anxious grandparent

Going against the grain here...I love my grandchildren dearly, but don’t want them overnight ?. Having brought up four children, and staying at home, we treasure our peace and solitude. Of course, it could change once they start getting to senior school age, but at the moment....no, it’s our time.

My MIL used to amuse my DC with family photos. They would always ask to look at them whenever they were at her house. It fascinates them, and you can make up some very “interesting stories” for them about distant cousins etc. If they flag.

I never get anxious, excited definitely, get in their favourite food, check any rules that parents want followed lots of fun things to do and enjoy! As done I’ve said write down what your worried abou and address x

Yes, try and be on their level. We relax rules that we had as parents because you know, it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters other than delivering them back alive and happy.

What exactly makes you anxious annhedges perhaps if you wrote down your concerns and looked at how likely it was to happen you could lower your anxiety levels.
Try to put your concerns aside and enjoy the time you have with them. My grandchildren are in their twenties and thirties now, the time just flew past so make the most of the sleep overs etc.

It can make you anxious looking after grandchildren. You want them to have a good time and be safe.

I looked after mine a lot from when they were babies to mid teens. Nothing bad happened and they were happy with me.

Just relax and enjoy your time with them annhedges. Mine were grown up far too soon!

If it's any consolation my friend and I have been registered childminders for over 30 years, and we both agree that looking after other people's children professionally is a breeze compared to the stress and responsibility of looking after a grandchild ??

How I feel bad now for laughing at my DM when she was with my children. Wherever they were there she was hovering by their side, holding their hands when they climbed the small slide in our back garden or in the park whilst I just left them to it. Then along came my DGC and I turned into my mum. I think it's a case, as cookiemonster66 said, 'not on my watch'.

I get anxious walking my GC out in the pushchair, always thinking the worst, especially that someone will try and kidnap her. Perhaps this makes me more alert and prepared with a plan of action! Yes, so exhausting.

Try writing a list of what you are worried about and think of strategies to resolve them. Once you have done that, you will be prepared to face whatever challenge you meet and can relax a bit. ddd

Love having DGD to stay, but am exhausted for a day or 2 afterwards

The moment DD rings and says DGS would like to come for a sleepover my stomach contracts and my anxiety kicks in. I'll never refuse him, unless for a really good reason, so I really don't know why it worries me so much. I just try to keep us both busy.
You really aren't alone!

We confidently volunteered to move South to look after our second grand baby for the first 3 years whilst DD went back to work. I was confident we could manage as I had 'practised' on my sister who is younger by 11 years as well as DD & DS. However, I had not factored in that there was no driving involved in caring for them, though. I found it extremely stressful driving her to and from nursery at peak times especially as my shoulders were up round my ears with anxiety. She started with one day a week, building up as our departure back home loomed. Driving her anywhere even at normal times I was always conscious of how vulnerable she was in the back seat so I had to remind myself to loosen my shoulders several times on a journey. She knocked a baby tooth up into her gum climbing on a badly designed buggy whilst DH was in the loo and I was out briefly. Hadn't thought to discuss protocol for this... and had to ring mum at work whilst we took her to A & E. Neither of us have ever recovered but were vastly relieved several years later when the adult tooth appeared without intervention from the dentist. It is such a huge responsibility looking after someone else's child, grandchild or not. DGD was a very easy little soul sleeping all night and having a nap every afternoon but we were still very tired a good deal of the time.

I actually think you worry MORE about looking after your grandkids than you did with your own! I always say to my daughter when she moans at me for sounding like a health & safety officer trying to avoid accidents, that you cannot wrap them in cotton wool and sometimes accidents happen - "Not on my watch" is my reply!

Phew! Thought it was only me!

I worried about everything and I am not normally a worrier. Will they fall out of bed, down the stairs, trip over something and on and on? Quite ridiculous now, I can see (do they not have beds and stairs in their own house?!) but at the time...

Please, as everyone else has said, just ignore all the fears and try to relax and enjoy their visit. Oh, just re-read and the visit was last night. Hope all went well.

Incidentally, I don't know how they are when their parents leave but we always made a point of waving them off saying 'they'll be back soon' and whizzing straight into an interesting activity. We barely had a cry out of ours.

GC are soon grown and on their way so do make the most of this time with them. It might be natures way to make us oldies a little apprehensive so we are alert to what GC can get up to! I always enjoyed cooking and painting with mine when they were small now I eat their cooking.

Don't have this experience so can't quite understand what you are anxious about. My only 'preparations' are making sure I have some of their favourite food in which I wouldn't normally. I collect a few cardboard boxes from the supermarket for model making - forget messiness. It goes with the territory - and some beach balls for the garden in case the weather is kind. Bingo. Other than that, we take riverside walks or go to the local soft play area. The visit goes all so quickly and, yes, I am in recovery for a few days after departure. Worth it though. I hope you manage to relax and enjoy in future.

Hope the sleepover went well annhedges?
At 5 and 7, children love to hear about "life in the olden days" i.e 1950s! My 2GC prefer hearing stories about this than an ordinary bed time story.

Don’t plan too much - they probably don’t want every hour fully occupied. Don’t forget to take time to sit down together, with a drink and a biscuit, just to chat and ask them what they would like to do (be prepared for ridiculous suggestions!).

Most of all, have fun.

I know exactly what you mean annhedges1. They are so precious and it is such a responsibility. What I do to mitigate my anxiety about it is to tell myself that I have no choice and I just have to get on with it. That does not mean that I don't want to do it or that I don't enjoy doing it, but it stops me getting quite so worried.
I suppose I feel less anxious if I tell myself that this is not just something I am doing for my own pleasure but is also something helpful.

I have to tell my anxiety to shut up. Its an awful thing to deal with. When it starts whispering to you or making suggestions about what you should worry about, tell it to shut up. Deliberately imagine positives. It often works for me x

Our favourite game when my grandkids were young was building a camp in the livingroom. Some old curtains or bedsheets draped over chairs for tents. Make a sandwich lunch and have it in the tent etc

Another favourite game they still love is sitting at the table with water paints and a few white dinner plates and painting on them. It washes off easily under the tap later.
Relax and enjoy every minute of this special time.

Have some special rituals - my GC loved story time with hot chocolate, by the fire in winter, and it is remembered by them, now teenagers, with great affection. Lots of making things - scrap books, clothes peg dollies, cooking, gardening - all enjoyed. Have the next activity ready so they don’t have time to worry about absent parents.

Good luck!

Just have fun together! If they like to play super heroes, grab a teatowel, make a cape and join in! Try to relax and be on their level, these times are so precious. Ask them what they want to do rather than planning things for them unless you already know what interests they have. Above all, enjoy!!!!

I had my two grandsons for 3 nights this weekend. They are 2 1/2 and 9 months. I didn’t have time to worry about them. Didn’t sit down for a minute ??Totally exhausted!! But glad I was able to spend time with them.
At 5 and 7 years old your grandkids will be much more independent. Try and relax. Have plenty of fun activities to keep them busy and enjoy your time with them.