Grandchild distressed when I leave

I know SueH49. He is JUST back in his sleep routine now. But the alternative, is that I don't see him. Although, the virus, it might be safer at the moment if I don't travel. But then I won't see him until June.

With you coming and going every 6 weeks the poor little soul probably is very unsettled. He just gets over you going and you are back again. It must be hard for him to understand just what is going on.

Hope you can get some sort of solution Gagajo and thank you for your kind words.

Also thanks to everyone else for your kind words too xx

Oh, GagaJo, my heart is aching for you and your little GS. For him, I imagine it's the same as having parents divorce. I doubt he knows the difference between 6 weeks and 1, etc., but when you come back, it must mean a lot to him. And then when you leave again after a "fantastic week," I can see where it would be very hard for him. Poor little guy!

IMO, you have been given some wonderful suggestions. And I'm glad that skyping helps. I also think it might be a good idea for his mum to plan a fun event or two for him for after you leave and/or the next day to help distract him from his sense of anxiety. Perhaps you could suggest it though, in the end, it's her call.

Yes V3, I heard that too. I was Teacher Governor for a few years. There is also some inbuilt prejudice along the lines of ‘older teachers are set in their ways and don’t accept change.’ My experience showed otherwise to be honest, plus I think it’s shortsighted to dismiss the experience of the more mature teacher.
Gaga proves a point, how dedicated must she be to commute termly to Switzerland, leaving an upset little grandchild at home. I know she has said she needs to work, but it’s shortsighted and discriminatory for her skills to be dismissed in this country.

maddyone when I was a school governor and on an interview panel, the head pointed out he could have one newly qualified teacher plus a teaching assistant for the same money as an older experienced teacher. Sad.

I agree with you Gaga, I think Yoga’s granddaughter will contact her when she’s older, she won’t forget those first precious years.
Age discrimination is against the law in Britain Gaga, but I think that the teaching profession is highly discriminatory with regard to age. I speak as an ex teacher.

What about a lovely soft toy....if you want to get serious I think it is called a transitional object?

Hi Yogagirl, I haven’t seen you post for a while. I understand there hasn’t been any improvement in your very sad situation then. I’m so sorry.

I'm so sorry Yogagirl. Absolutely heartbreaking. I feel for you and your grand daughter. She will contact you independently when she's old enough.

No, Alexa. I can't afford to rent here. Too expensive. Best I can manage is to go home every school holiday. Although maybe not at the moment. I'm not sure it's safe.

It's a problem without a solution. No teaching jobs for oldies in the UK.

Yogagirl ...I'm so sorry this happened to you

If your daughter does not do paid work, could she would she move overseas near you?

Agree with Dumplings

This thread has made me very sad. The last time I saw my beloved GD she was trying to open the door for me [normally could] calling nannie, nannie We were very close, I chose her name & thereafter she was named after me. She and her mum lived with me [before her stepdad came along] & I was like the second parent, as no dad on the scene. She must have cried for me in those first few months, as I did for her and must have asked to phone as she used to every day.

Oh goodness, I hope that doesn't happen!

Unfortunately, you are in a location is Switzerland which is very expensive. However- ski season will soon be over - and it should be quite cheaper then to rent a holiday place, something for them very close- or for you to perhaps sublet yours, while you rent a larger place for a while to see how they like it.

He is not at school yet- so not a problem.

Can't imagine flights to UK stopping or borders to eU being closed. There is a possibility the border with Italy will have tighter checks- but not the Geneva route unless it becomes a real pandemic.

Some lovely ideas. Thank you ladies. He is a dear little soul. He's a late talker, but last time I was home, we were snuggled up in my bed, watching the Twirly Woos, and I said to him, "Does your Gaga love you?" And he replied "Yeh." in his squeaky little voice. He melts my heart, honestly.

Just worried the Swiss borders will be shut for the virus now and that I won't be able to go next time.

...and what NfkDumpling said!

Gagjo … I've not read all the replies but are you handy with a needle and thread at all?

Could you have a photo taken of yourself and toddler with you wearing an item of clothing that you can cut up and make a soft toy out of?

Not so mad as it seems, and not so hard if it's just a blobby shaped toy with felt eyes or something.

The fact that it's made from your clothing, which has been recorded in a photo that he can keep, will add to it's ability to become an effective stress reliever for him.

Nothing will assuage his misery at loosing so much (outings, your company, etc.,) but he obviously needs something to soothe himself with for the time being.


PS I'm envious that you have a relationship with such a sweet little soul

When I had arranged to have my gt nieces and gt nephew in the Summer holidays many years ago I ended up with just the girls as Phill managed to break his elbow and had to stay home. We packed up 14 small treats for him to open each day his sisters were away. My nephew told me he was so excited each day to see what gift he had. They ranged from a packet of sweets to a stocking filler game and kept him from feeling left out. Could you try something similar with your grandson? He is much younger than my gt nephew was (and you are away for longer) but perhaps you could leave him little notes from you to be handed out each day and could you arrange to skype or facetime him on some days? Interspersed with the odd little present or postcard written by you to be read out to him it might help him bide the time until he sees you again?

I think you need to nag your employer a bit (nicely of course!)

I do feel I disrupt their routine, BUT his life IS so much nicer when I'm around because he and I are so adoring of each other (none of the usual Mummy grumps). Also I drive, she doesn't, and he does LOVE going out in the car. And of course, because I don't see him very often, I take him lovely places (well, lovely for a toddler!). I don't want to give any of that up, because it is the joy of MY life, as well as his.

Jura, the school said that I would either be able to afford to live OFF campus on my salary plus the rent allowance in a place big enough for 3 OR they would provide me with enough space on campus for daughter and grandson. And neither has happened. So I'm quite down about it because I would never have accepted the job if I'd known the reality. My first priority was always being somewhere where they could be with me at least half the time. And they can't.

My husband had to work away from home for 6 months and we'd only see him fortnightly. I'd just get into a routine with my toddler when daddy would come home to disrupt it but those weekends together were lovely, the following week would be so difficult though then we'd be OK for a week before it all started again, it was really difficult for all of us. I'd suggest visiting every 3-4 weeks if you can, your GC will get used to the new routine and will be so happy to see you when you visit. Good luck.

Well, needs must, and he will settle down eventually I’m sure, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Also, I would see it as an opportunity for him to develop a closer relationship with his mother. I think if I was your daughter I would possible be giving him some extra tlc at this time, explain what’s happening (even if he is very young), and strive to help him feel more secure in your absence. Good luck.

Poor you I so feel your pain. My daughter left her partner in Marbella and came home to me with her darling baby boy, then 6 months. At one stage I was offered a temporary work secondment to Australia for 6 months and it all sounded so exciting and a wonderful opportunity. However, when I thought about actually saying goodbye to any of my GC for that length of time, I just couldn’t go ahead with it. It was bad enough with them crying when I said ‘see you next week’, and my GS who I lived with cried even when I went to work for the day ! I was lucky that DD and I got on really well, so it’s doubly hard for you. Are there other options of working closer ? And what has your DD said about the situation ? I so hope it all works out for you.

Gaga,
What a horrible situation for you. It’s heart wrenching when they get so upset. I like Trisher’s suggestion of a special soft toy that you sleep with to get your scent on it, then when you leave, your grandchild has it, he ‘looks after’ it for you till you get home.
My daughter used to cry like that when she was little and family members left. She knew she wouldn’t see them for a long time as we lived 250 miles from them. It is very distressing, but eventually she stopped doing it and recognised she would see them again, after a few weeks.