Do you envy your daughter?

SirChenjin the paths to both mine and DHs careers that we took no longer exist.

It would be much much harder to get to where we got to nowadays

No I dont agree. I had three young children and worked full time. I loved my children and I loved my work. The children were well looked after by professionals (which initially took all of my wages but was an investment for the future). Now I have a good pension after a lifetime of full time teaching and I enjoy looking after grandchildren too.

Is it notanan?! My elder two are in their early twenties and neither they nor their friends feel that the optimism or hope has been knocked out of them! They’re all loving life - the usual life worries of teens and twenties young adults that we had and different ones from our concerns about nuclear war, AIDS and unemployment back in the eighties - but on the whole they love the opportunities they have open to them

What I wish my DDs generation could have that my generation had was optimism.

We believed that if we put in the work our goals/dreams were in reach (and they were!) There was much more social mobility then if you were a go-getter.

There were wars and ozone and nukes but it was all kinda remote, we didnt feel impending doom like the environmental anxiety they have today.

We had so much more youtgful optimism/hope/energy which nowadays is beaten out of young ppl before they even get started

nanan2, no, I realise that not everyone has happy daughters, and I know many are struggling with work, families, or unemployment, illness, and other worries. But the poster’s question was asking us as individuals. I realise I am fortunate to have daughters who are doing well, and have no immediate worries. I’m not being smug.

I do envy all of them a little bit, although two of them are knackered as they have small children, but they have high earning husbands and don’t have to work.

I didn’t have a lovely home when we began and they all do. We also helped them by buying them a house each. My parents couldn’t. We had to go to charity shops and sew curtains etc .
But generally I am pleased with my life

Gosh, no! I don’t envy her at all, even though she seems very happy!
I was able to give up full-time teaching before she was born, as my husband had a small restaurant, which supported us all. I didn’t go back to teaching until she was two and a half and then, only doing supply, which fitted in nicely. I had an excellent child-minder, who was extremely adaptable, so if I did have to go in to school at short notice, was available to help out.
Our daughter, on the other hand, has a high-powered job at a university in New York, which she loves and also has a nice husband and a very small flat in central Manhattan. She also has a gorgeous 8month old son, who has been in daycare since he was 3months.
I wouldn’t have missed the time I was able to spend with her when she was a baby for anything and I feel that we both profited from it immensely. Her little son loves day care, but I think he should really be with his Mum. In addition, daycare is so expensive, that they will find it very hard to move up the housing ladder and stay in central New York, where they need to be for work, and their flat is far too small to hold two adults, an active small boy and two dogs, so they are stuck at the moment.
When my daughter was tiny, we already had a 3 bedroom house with a garden in a very nice area, so we didn’t have to worry about any of that, so no, I don’t envy her!

I don't envy my daughter. Her marriage broke up and she now juggles her two and eight year old, and a full time job as a police officer. Her life is so stressful.

Bbbface and i consider your age& younger as 'young uns'- but theres way more older than me

In some ways yes and in some ways no. She has a lot more freedom than I had at her age (34) but mainly because she isn't tied down with children. She goes on holidays regularly, sometimes alone, where she pleases. I sort of envy that - it's something I've never had a chance to do. I always had family to look after. But in other ways the world is harder now.

No i dont envy the young mums of today,yes in some ways,in some working conditions,its better than when we were young,but in so many its not,they still seem to have to juggle everything and still seem to do the brunt of the work,childcare,cooking,& cleaning etc on top of their jobs,even if the OH help out,they're still not (mostly) doing a fair share.

Yes and I regard a 56 year old as the “older generation”!

Bbbface- back in the day( im 56) at your age,we WERE the older generation

But its not that way for everyone DoraMarr.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I had to work when my children were growing up in a very pressured job (and still in early 50’s still do) and was the only bread winner and carer for my DH. Things were not much cheaper proportionately in the 90’s and 00’s and I didn’t have any family support whereas my DD’s have massive practical help Dom us and two also get substantial financial help as well; two have partners who pull their weight, so I think they do have it easier in some ways; but I too had the benefit of free Uni education and subsidised professional exams whereas they have student debt and it’s harder to get on the housing ladder than it was for me so it’s swings and roundabouts

Tougher. Why do I never see my typos until I have posted my mis spelt offering. Agggh!

No; I had the luxury of being a stop at home mother and although we were far from rich we were able to pay bills and have a modest uk holiday each year. Life seems so much tuogher now in spite of extra freedoms for women. 'Liberation' seems to be the opportunity to have everything, but then women today have to do everything - juggle home, childcare and the demands of a job.

I’m just turned 39, single working mother of two primary ages children....and no way do I envy the older generation!

I was was fortunate in that I did get lots of lovely time at home with my children but also the challenge, stimulation and interaction of a job that I enjoy and stretches me.

Not at all! We had a great time when children were young. Lots of young Mums about- we used to push prams to local park & play tennis while children slept ( Squash club when they got a bit older- there was a creche!).
We went out to the Zoo & looked after each others offspring if anyone wanted to go shopping . Coffee afternoons while children all played together.
It was a great time of my life.
I feel so sorry for young mums now juggling a job & family

It’s really fascinating reading all your posts. At 50 I’m probably between many of your ages and your daughters - my mum would have been 79 this year and I remember having a similar conversation with her about this very topic. She felt that many of you do - that my life was far more frenetic than hers and she enjoyed just being a housewife and then latterly in a p/t role. The downside of that was she was at home with 2 children and there was very little to do in our small village except for coffee mornings and gossip - she felt very unstimulated a lot of the time. She had to leave school at 15(!) and then worked in admin until she was married and then had to leave her job when she was pregnant with me. She didn’t work again until I was 13 and my sister was 11 because there was no childcare available, although she would have liked to.

I agree that my life is busy but I chose it. I’ve had the benefit of a free university education in the way her generation didn’t as standard, travel is much more accessible, I have access to good quality childcare to enable me to work (p/t when the children were younger, now f/t in the same well paid role), technology means I have the flexibility of working from home and I’ve got a good pension pot. I have access to an excellent healthcare system which meant my pregnancies and births were so positive compared to hers.

Mum and I both agreed it’s like everything in that there are pros and cons to both

no.

yes, the cost of living is high, but it is so different to when we brought up our kids..

far too much to "want" rather than "need" and far more "committments" than ever we had,, and far more "red tape"

so no, I do not envy my dils.. I don`t have a daughter.

I feel for modern day mum's but a little bit of me sees what they have and what they want and maybe some, not all ,need to lower expectation. Holidays abroad ,latest equipment etc are not necessities. Warmth , a roof over your head and food in your tummy are. After that a child needs love not fancy toys etc. We need to become more realistic with what matters in life.

Before my daughter became pregnant she had a fabulous (although hard) job, lived in Italy had a huge salary... Yes I did wish I'd had her opportunities.

Now she has a 5 month DS who's teething, won't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time and is very fractious. Her cat has started to wail most of the time as well, so that doesn't help.

No I don't envy her.

No I don't envy my daughters. My eldest worked from home and her son was in nursery. My younger was at home until her 3 were at school and then she started work in the school. I worked until I was 68. I hope my daughters can retire before then.