I am so annoyed about this

It will be part of their training to look out for signs of domestic violence, child abuse etc. Very upsetting for you but they were doing their jobs. As a survivor of domestic violence, please don't dwell on this. Celebrate over 50 years of happy marriage. So many of us have not been as blessed.

Wow, that’s distressing for you.
It feels horrible doesn’t it.
My husband is having iv treatment at home, he is treated in the bedroom and I am often in another room while treatment is carried out. He tells me that the nurses often ask him quietly if he is eating well and ask what he had for breakfast or lunch.
This might seem like general conversation but he says they look furtively towards the door and lower their voices.
Our flat is homely, clean and tidy, the atmosphere is happy and calm. Orlin is clean and his clothes always freshly laundered, normal weight, no bruises. Nothing to indicate that he is not well cared for or in fact incapable of looking after himself.
We too have been happily married for 56 years.
I wonder if it’s a sign of the times that they are all scared of not recognising anything untoward.

Sorry to hear that Sarnia. Must have been awful. I suppose you have a point, better for the majority to feel a bit humiliated so that anyone suffering can be recognised.

I agree with Sarnia that the staff will have had training to look for signs of this, and quite right too. However, in your case, confirmed by yourself, your husband hasn't subjected you to any DV.

I would suggest getting in touch with the hospital and request your records be amended to reflect this. It could be possible that someone could see those notes and contact the police. The last thing you want is you husband being questioned or even arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. Even if nothing came of it, he'd be on the radar.

Sadly fancyflowers and Sarnia

it's possibly not only their training but their experience too.

They can't know how dear you have always been to each other and how caring. Sadly some people can put on a pretence: they have to check.

Just imagine if they had missed something - the blame then would rest on them, wouldn't it?

Sorry it has to come out this way.

xxxxx

LauraNorderr

Wow, that’s distressing for you.
It feels horrible doesn’t it.
My husband is having iv treatment at home, he is treated in the bedroom and I am often in another room while treatment is carried out. He tells me that the nurses often ask him quietly if he is eating well and ask what he had for breakfast or lunch.
This might seem like general conversation but he says they look furtively towards the door and lower their voices.
Our flat is homely, clean and tidy, the atmosphere is happy and calm. Orlin is clean and his clothes always freshly laundered, normal weight, no bruises. Nothing to indicate that he is not well cared for or in fact incapable of looking after himself.
We too have been happily married for 56 years.
I wonder if it’s a sign of the times that they are all scared of not recognising anything untoward.

I suppose it must be a sign of the times. When you think of all the stories of abused children, they are probably on full alert to anything untoward.

I still find it annoying that they assumed DV just because my husband happened to be standing there.

Actually I think that is as dangerous as under reacting, and handled badly. Did they raise concerns with you before you read that in your notes.

Galaxy

Actually I think that is as dangerous as under reacting, and handled badly. Did they raise concerns with you before you read that in your notes.

No, they didn't raise any concerns at all. In fact, they could have asked me about DV once the ambulance set off to the hospital, but nothing was said.

LauraNorderr

Sorry to hear that Sarnia. Must have been awful. I suppose you have a point, better for the majority to feel a bit humiliated so that anyone suffering can be recognised.

There is always such criticism towards Police, Social Services, medics etc when a tragedy happens that they are probably erring on the side of caution.

BoggledMind

I agree with Sarnia that the staff will have had training to look for signs of this, and quite right too. However, in your case, confirmed by yourself, your husband hasn't subjected you to any DV.

I would suggest getting in touch with the hospital and request your records be amended to reflect this. It could be possible that someone could see those notes and contact the police. The last thing you want is you husband being questioned or even arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. Even if nothing came of it, he'd be on the radar.

Very good advice.

In what way did anything they did help support fancyflowers if she had been experiencing domestic violence.

Wyllow3

Sadly fancyflowers and Sarnia

it's possibly not only their training but their experience too.

They can't know how dear you have always been to each other and how caring. Sadly some people can put on a pretence: they have to check.

Just imagine if they had missed something - the blame then would rest on them, wouldn't it?

Sorry it has to come out this way.

xxxxx

But it would seem they didn't check they just went ahead and put DV suspected on her notes.

Without speaking to fancyflowers they took it upon themselves to log a suspicion that seems to be totally wrong. Of course we hope they don't miss things, but not to have even gently probed whether there was any basis to their suspicion is very worrying.

I'd definitely be demanding that note be removed.

Galaxy

In what way did anything they did help support fancyflowers if she had been experiencing domestic violence.

Exactly it rather looks as if they were passing the buck.

I fell off my bike some years ago and had a badly bruised face. They would not allow my DH to be alone with me. We laughed about it later and even at the time it didn't bother me as I felt I was being safeguarded. Better that than ignoring the signs.

Galaxy

Actually I think that is as dangerous as under reacting, and handled badly. Did they raise concerns with you before you read that in your notes.

Completely agree with you Galaxy.

The paramedics should have made a neutral statement .'Husband and wife did not speak while she was put in ambulance' They should not have drawn any conclusions unless there was clear evidence.

This statement is way beyond the pale and i would put in a strong complaint.

Accusing someone or suggesting that they are the victim of domestic abuse and, by implication 'it was their partner wot done it', is as serious assault on their reputation and can be taken erroneously through their records as an incorrect accusation for decades.

You should really take this up with the hospital and PALS.

I too agree with Galaxyand I wow uld be mortified
…having lived through domestic violence in a period when the police would not even enter my house unless the ‘man of the house’ invited them in !!! things have swung completely in the other direction and are as damaging either way
Had they have quietly spoke to you in the ambulance I would have been happier but that’s just awful and I would speak to someone immediately to get that removed from your notes and if they don’t I d go to Pals and put in an official complaint because my word God forbid if you did have an accident, say on the stairs or a nasty fall, your poor husband would be questioned and possibly even wrongfully convicted

I think it is outrageous for that to have happened. Unacceptable and inappropriate. You give people guidelines but they don't know how to apply them with any common sense. They could simply have asked you if you were fine going to the hospital without your husband. Many people do this. The mind boggles especially with the current maternity problems in Portsmouth and around the country. I read this morning that 4 of the CEO's including the clinical lead at the hospital had received CBE''s in the last few years for their outstanding work., whilst all of those distraught families with unnecessary deaths of their babies was going on.

Galaxy

Actually I think that is as dangerous as under reacting, and handled badly. Did they raise concerns with you before you read that in your notes.

I completely agree with you there. Surely if they had concerns about domestic violence, someone should have raised that with the OP at the time, rather than just flagging up an unsubstantiated suspicion in her notes. I understand the need for authorities to be cautious when it comes to such matters, but there are ways and means of doing it, and this was not it. I would definitely want that taken off my notes if I were in her shoes.

I would not let this incident go personally. I would be contacting PALS. Unsubstantiated questions and judgements made without any considered thought.
Is that professionalism from the medical staff concerned, no it is not in my opinion.
It is such a pity that at times staff are not so vigilant with questions being asked.
I wonder how they miss so much child abuse and it is not dealt with until it's too late.

Galaxy

In what way did anything they did help support fancyflowers if she had been experiencing domestic violence.

They had flagged it for the hospital to consider. At the hospital , admission Dr then had opportunity to speak privately with the patient and assess her condition and demeanour in relation to the reason given for ambulance call out. The hospital might then alert social services or advise the patient where to get help for DV.

Paramedics are trained to consider whether any injury/ collapse in the home might not have happened as the 999-caller said. They've got a checklist of potential signs and
FF and her husband innocently triggered one. It's no insult to either FF of Mr FF; just the paramedics doing their job to protect patients who may be too terrified to tell.

They did none of those things though. They would as you say have had an opportunity to speak to op in the hospital away from her husband, but they didn't.