Husband not welcome at family events

I meant 20 years ago!

Why do your sons accede to there father's request that your DH be banned. Did they side with him over the divorce and are there still issues between you, your husband and your sons.

You might concede to your son's wishes. Those may be based on loyalty, which actually I do commend. Or they may be based on personal abhorrence .Either way, your present husband persona non grata as he is married you not your relatives.

We don't know the history between these two, but I'm shocked that you felt unable to attend your sons' weddings. I'd be inclined to ask your present husband if he minds you going to the christening on your own. You certainly shouldn't be missing this event, but you will do if you and your husband won't compromise and allow for the underlying issues which divide them.

This is such a shame but understandable I suppose. It probably is about loyalty, but I feel your sons have taken sides, so there’s no allowances made for you. Was it a particularly acrimonious divorce? Have apologies ever been made? God is featuring in the Christening. Could He not feature elsewhere as well? I would say your loyalties should be with your husband first, but he may not be bothered about the Christening, so wouldn’t want to go anyway. All the best in your decision making.

Your family are being mean and your ex certainly knows how to hold a grudge. No wonder you are not married to the sour beggar now.
I am sorry you were unable to attend your sons' weddings. That seems cruel of your family to have deprived you of the joy of the occasion. I hope there is some resolution to this situation, but I'm sad for you for how much you have had to give up because you remarried 20 years ago and they've not accepted it yet.

I presume you would be able to attend the christening without your present husband.

Regardless of the historic details of the situation, children and grandchildren should not be made to suffer. They usually want both parents present at such events and hard though it maybe, parents, step parents, ex's or whoever should make the effort to accept and be civil.

That does seem an awfully long time to bear a grudge. I wonder why things are so difficult between your family and current husband.
It's a great shame you are missing these family events could there not be some compromise along the line.?

It seems very vindictive behaviour, particularly at a christening which is all about a new life. You must go, and your husband can attend the christening service as part of the church congregation, even if he is not with the family party. You missed out on your sons' weddings; your husband has to take his turn if he persists in this spiteful vendetta.

It is not for your ex husband or your son either, to say who is welcome in the church.

Certainly is a long time to bear a grudge. Why should your ex husband be the one to call all the shots.
Like NanaRayna says, be glad you are not married to him now!

I would give your son a present for your grandchild as a Christening gift, but not attend the ceremony on your own.

If you attend without your husband you are allowing your ex husband to bully you into doing as he wishes, perhaps he used to do that while you were married.

Crossed post with eazybee, who is correct when she says "It is not for your ex husband or your son either, to say who is welcome in the church."

Asnyour children are apparently not telling their father he doesn’t get to cal the shots can you not attend alone?

Whatever the reason new husband isn't accepted, you need to go to your family events. Not the end of the world if he can't go. Go alone!

When you say you could not attend either of your sons’ weddings - do you mean you weren’t invited or your husband wasn’t invited and you didn’t want to attend without him?

If it’s the latter then I think you should just go to family events on your own. Do you know why they won’t accept your husband after 20 years? That’s very sad.

I think people underestimate the hurt and harm caused in a marriage split.Some poeple walk away without thinking of the effects on their children and wider family .I know my GC are still having issues 10 years down the line and its their mum who has to deal with the tears and tantrums because "Dad" couldn't keep it in his pants and they were sidelined .The OP must have some idea why her family are more loyal to her ex and will perhaps have to attend events on her own .Its not ideal but families breaking up is never ideal

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I understand what you say Paddyanne but unless there are serious one sided faults then 20 years is a long time to be so vindictive. The children of the first marriage are adults now and should surely feel compassion for their mother. There must be some acceptable compromise.

Im with Paddyanne on this one. Marriage splits can be very acrimonius and forgiveness not always easy, especially if someone went through years of hell at their ex-spouse or partners spitefulness and vindictiveness. Im not saying this is the case with the original poster, but no one really knows what goes on in relationship breakups.

I have always been comfortable to attend family do’s on my own, if other half not keen to go. I understand that it may be a little disappointing but it’s only a problem if you allow it to be. Best wishes

Did you receive an invite to the weddings OP? Would you be welcome to the christening if you went on your own? Were you responsible for the marriage breakup?
Without knowing the answers I feel we don’t know enough to give a reasoned response.

Whatever the reasons it sounds as if it’s either go alone or don’t go. I’d go alone (my husband and I have done years of family events alone as we have a disabled son).

I do wonder at the decisions made by the OP to miss the marriages of her children because her husband isn't able to go.

I would not miss those precious family events for anyone.

IMO, your AC should invite all parties and let whoever will show up. If your X doesn't want to be around your current DH, your X could choose not to come. Or he could choose to be there for his DSs and GC and never mind about your new DH.

But, clearly, that's not the case. I totally get it if you wish to stand by your DH and not attend events where he is not welcome. However, you might want to make an exception for milestone events or, at least, your GC's events. After all, it's not their fault their dads feel this way. Would you feel comfortable leaving DH at home to be there for your new GS at his Christening? Would DH be ok w/ it if you did?