Not able to see our grandchildre. Miss our relationships with him, wife, and children.

Why? Why do you think you know better than their parents? Are they not fit parents? What function do you serve that is so essential that only you can fulfill it?

Me being in my grandchildren’s lives is in the best interest of the children and I certainly wouldn’t of done it if I thought any different

Sandmb - lots of ‘me mine my I’ in your statement vs anything that relates to the best interest of your grandkids.

Silly reasons?! Your daughter suspects your husband of child sexual abuse and you’ve dismissed her! That’s not a silly reason and the fact that you think it is should hopefully be sufficient evidence for the court that your daughter has made the right call!!!!

@Sandmb My Mil thought like you. I love them so much,I need to be in their lives etc....Took us to court and lost. She swore up and down to eveyone who would listen that my children would want her in their lives. Guess what? They didn't and don't now. Mil got the blame quite rightly when they turned 18 yo. She waited and waited for them to come to her and when they didn't she went to them and got her feelings extremely hurt. She ended up dying alone,cremated by the goverment and no one bothered to pick up her ashes.

Hi summer love. Yes I agree to a point I did have a choice try and see my grandchildren or walk away and never see them again so I felt there wasn’t a choice as I wanted to be part of their lives and me in theirs as they had all been a big part of my life before they was taken. It was like I needed to grieve for the loss of them but couldn’t as the parents was haunting me so I made the choice of going to court and if I had lost when the children get older and they find me and say why didn’t you bother seeing us I can say I tried but their parents got their way and here’s the proof. Going to court isn’t the answer for everyone but my gc was more important so I chose to go to court

No grandmother wants to take family to court but sometimes we have no choice do we really, if after all the begging and pleading has got you nowhere then what choice do we have, congratulations on your results...

You do have a choice though. You choose to go to court instead of allowing your children to parent their children.

There are many reasons to make that choice, but it is a choice.

Sandmb, I'm so pleased for you and your outcome in order to see the grandchildren. No grandmother wants to take family to court but sometimes we have no choice do we really, if after all the begging and pleading has got you nowhere then what choice do we have, congratulations on your results...

I think all us grandparents deprived of seeing our grandchildren make us go to the ends of the earth to see them no matter the cost or legalities involved. I am seeking mediation today in fact and will continue with courts if necessary. I have read many legal sites that say if you have had contact with your grandchildren for long terms in your life then courts very unlikely would deny visitation of a grandchild. I love my daughter and although she has given her reasons why she wont allow me to see my grandaughter, the reasons have nothing whatsoever to do with me personally. I have text and called so many times receiving the same silly messages of why I cant see her. I am hoping should the courts allow me to be heard they will also see just how unreasonable my daughter and her partner are being. Hopefully upon receiving a letter to meet at mediation they will realize just how serious I am being. I will keep the forum posted with my progress and outcome...

Hi because of the parents actions nothing is or is going to be plain sailing but I have to try and at least the children will know in years to come that I loved them and wanted them in my life and me in theirs and it was because of tge parents. Secrets never stay secrets whether it’s 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months or 20 years the children will know that I tried and I loved them lots

I hope the right decision for you will also be the right choice for your grandchildren. Be prepared, it might not be smooth sailing.

Hi yes it did go to court as the parents would not enter into mediation would not speak in any way. The parents in the end to cafcass agreed I should be in their lives but under supervision because they are scared I’m going to run tge parents down. But I can’t be bothered the children are my priority and once upon a time I might of wanted a relationship with the parents but not now. The court have now ordered mediation so we will have to see how that works. The children are most important and the best interest of them is vital. I didn’t do this for tge sake of doing this I did this as I had no other choice if I wanted to be in the children’s lives and them in mine I would much preferred to go to mediation but it seems everything I ask for they said no and now they are doing things I suggested in October but I do agree there is always a lot to consider when going to court but in my case it was the right decision as I’m now going to see them

*they, not theyt, LOL!

"A GP does not need GC."

Hmmm, agnurse, I agree that a GP, generally, is not "entitled" to have access to their GC or to have the exact amount of access that they want. But I'm not sure if any of us can measure another person's emotional needs. As far as I can see, EGPs often feel a void that they can't totally fill even if theyt make sure to have other interests in their lives. That seems to be especially true if they were deeply involved w/ their GC at some point. I get that this isn't a physical/biological need like food or water. But I have no doubt that it can be an emotional need. The parents might have their reasons why they feel they can't respond to that need by allowing access. But that doesn't mean the GP doesn't feel that need.

Sandmb, I'm so sorry you lost access to your 5 GC, and I'm glad you were able to regain it. And that you didn't have to spend as much as if you hired a solicitor.

I'm confused about one thing though. Where were the parents in all this? Did the case actually go to court or were you able to work it out in mediation? I ask this b/c I know some people are able to come to an agreement in mediation and others aren't.

If it went to court, didn't the parents fight you? Are they in an intact marriage/relationship? Did they agree... sigh... that you should not be part of your GC's lives? To my understanding, these are significant details which can impact the direction a case takes. IMO, they are distinctions which a GP needs to consider before taking the legal route.

Hi I’m a grandmother who has just taken my daughter and son in law to court to get contact with my 5 grandchildren. The parents won’t speak to me and won’t let the children even answer phone calls/texts and refused mediation. I was distraught just being stopped and couldn’t afford a solicitor so I got a McKenzie friend which I have now trained for to help me. They helped me fill in correct forms advise me write my position statement and attended court with me and the only down side was they can’t speak in court. This has worked out for me as I just needed to know the correct forms etc and family law is just common sense. I went to court and I now have access and phone call access at a fraction of the cost. Grandparents going to court is becoming very common now so if anyone is missing their grandchildren and desperately want to be involved the children’s lives go for it. What’s more important seeing the grandchildren or sitting hoping that you might see them

Thanks for coming back in and talking to us some more, Jean. FWIW, I don't believe any therapist ever says anything like, "Yes, you have terrible parents." They might have agreed or sympathized w/ some of your son's complaints (and remember the therapist only knows what he has told them). But I doubt they would write you off as "terrible" w/o even meeting you. That's your son's interpretation.

I'm not sure why DH's retiring would have such a major effect. Is it b/c you could no longer help out financially? Or your son just doesn't like change? Or??

Regardless, I'm sorry to say it but I would back off from ES (estranged son) as much as possible for now and give him space to deal w/ his demons, whatever they are. Hopefully, in time he'll reach out to you... Patience... Hugs!

Ann, I feel for you, as well. I can't imagine why ED (estranged daughter) would turn against you this way after you had such a good relationship w/ her, her ILs, etc. Perhaps she didn't find it as "happy" as you did? Or maybe there's a problem in her marriage she's not comfortable sharing w/ you?

But you said you don't want to consider explanations, etc. Just want to be able to maintain a relationship w/ your GSs. I don't blame you, but IMO, that may be hard to do. How would you and ED make arrangements for you to see the boys if she doesn't even respond to you?

But like others, I suppose you are talking about going to court. Unfortunately, to my knowledge, those cases are hard for GPs to win. And even if you did, the situation would very likely be awkward and strained since there would still be tension between you and ED. And while others are talking about the money your ED and ESIL would have to spend, please don't forget it might be very expensive for you, as well. Sorry to sound so discouraging, just trying to give you a realistic picture. Only you can decide if you want to go down this route or not.

Regardless. I take it your depression was a response to this situation. I am so very sorry. I hope you have been receiving treatment for it, and that you spend time focusing on your own wellbeing. Hugs!

Oh thanks for that agnurse I didn't realise Bibbity was referring to a different poster.

Smileless

We were referring to Ann, whose post is either on this page or the previous page. She has had no relationship with her GC for 3 years and has told her daughter she's prepared to go to court.

The OP hasn't said there's been a relationship for 3 years, she said her son's anger has been visible for 3 years. She hasn't spoken to her son for months, not years and the 8 years she has had a close relationship with her GC will count for something if she decides to take the legal route.

You won’t get access after three years of nothing.
The entire basis of the action is that you want to persevere a pre existing relationship for the benefit of the children.

There is no relationship.

Going to court wasn't something we were prepared to do, it's up to each individual to make that choice or not.

I find it hard to understand why a GM who spent 8 years in total looking after her GC and being involved in their lives should now be "deemed unsuitable", if indeed that is the case.

It would appear from the OP that it's her son who is the issue here and not her unsuitability as a GM.

And what if the DGC want to see their grandmother?

I would not recommend going down the legal route OP but why is your DD so against you seeing them?

I never understand why parents do not understand that children might want their grandparents in their lives.
I think children do need grandparents.
I don't like that agnurse is so against the OP. How do you know what is best? You don't.
we don't know what the OP's DGC want. so don't presume so negatively.

Well, exactly. No one forces a GP to go to court. The GP can choose to accept the status quo or choose to fight.

A GP does not need GC. Ann's GC are 12 and 9 and have not seen her for 3 years. That's hardly going to make a favourable impression on the court. They're also old enough to have some say in the decision - and what if what they say isn't what Ann wants to hear? What if her "access" conflicts with other activities that they have? What's she going to do once they get older and want to do things other than visiting Grandma once a month?

I don't agree with your emotive post agnurse "You could well be taking food out of your GC's lives". If that was the case then it's easily avoided by allowing ann to see her GC once a month isn't it.

So, either allow your children to see someone you have deemed unsuitable, or possibly lose money in court.

Neither are great choices to someone in this situation.

Both “sides” will take massive losses.