Bittersweet first Grandchild

Minimum wage is better than NO wage,and people dont HAVE to retrain,i just think its a better idea to be more flexible or have more than one string to your bow than upping& flitting elsewhere than helping to put taxes back into our own country than someone elses!And whats wrong with asking for help with rents etc anyway if you need it,and are entitled to it?? Its not a crime to ask Welshwife.

My daughter has lived in Texas for years and I have Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren I have never seen in the flesh. We keep in touch by FaceTime and she comes back here from time to time, but not the family as it would be too expensive. I do not fly especially that distance, 9 hours on a plane is too much for me. I would probably be sick with worry. What pleases me is knowing she has a wonderful life and an excellent job as a buyer. Her company send her by private jet all over the states and lovely hotels. I am so delighted that she is doing so well and enjoying life. It is difficult I know, but just be happy that they will be happy and if unlike me you can fly, it may not be quite as bad as you think.

I didn’t feel any sympathy for diilythegardener until her last post, when she realised that by not really looking at the implications she made a mistake by voting for Brexit. Sadly many people will regret voting for Brexit without thinking of the future for our children and GC. I hope you get to see GC often.

Can no one remember Britain before the EU,or common market as it was when we joined??im sure a lot of you on here can,im only 56 and i can.we did have a country then you know,and at least some jobs and trading

Problem with retraining is that there will be less jobs to get. Many areas of the U.K. have a shortage of jobs and most of the jobs which are available in some areas are minimum wage and short term contracts meaning that families cannot survive without applying for help with rents etc.
Also why should people have to retrain if they love the job they are doing? My son moved abroad 17 years ago because although employed in U.K. with a good job could see better opportunities abroad. If he had remained in U.K. his job would have gone with Brexit because the industry he works in has shut up shop in U.K.

Dilly, couldnt your son be with you for this christmas seeing as theyre not moving until in the new year?? Surely he would want to while he still can?? One day,or even an afternoon,on christmas day wont hurt surely? Seems like hes punishing you for voting out Dilly?and the 'overstepping the mark' is a bit revealing.

We haven’t left yet, and until last week it was by no means certain that we would leave. Therefore Dilly, your children have obviously made the decision to leave long ago and must have been preparing for this for a good while. Some people will jump ship because they don’t like us leaving the EU, and your children have chosen to do so, even before it was sure we were leaving.
I’m so sorry this will impact your life so badly, but they have made what they think is the best decision for them, and it’s your job to support them. Certainly going to Canada where your DiL hails from, and because opportunities and pay are better, has absolutely nothing to do with Brexit.

I’m sorry for you but I must admit that we are all thinking the same, wed like to leave this sinking ship. We are trying to find a decent country which will accept older people so that I can go too (I’m 63 and still working). I’m disillusioned with this country after recent events too. I expect we will stay and see it through but my heart isn’t in it anymore, luckily my kids could get jobs anywhere as they have transportable skills.

Time to move on for your children I would say and only needed a reason such as Brexit to take the plunge. Very sad for you I understand but possibly a new adventure for them You will get more used to it in time. I have grandchildren in Australia and would dearly love to see them more often but make do with visits what's app etc.
You must let your children go and make their own lives however it makes you feel.
My best wishes for the future. Enjoy what you can when you can. Happy christmas.

Could some of these young people not retrain instead,so they can get other jobs where they dont have to move abroad? Jumping ship from your own country just because things go bad is not a good way to go.And yes it should be something that needs long careful consideration first.

You didnt vote for them to move away,THEY chose that! Dont feel guilty.if they think that will make them happy let them go, i doubt if it will and won't be surprised if they end up moving back and have wasted ĺoads of cash doing so,BUT you have to let them make their own mistakes as my late mum used to say,and im surprised theyre all upping& leaving already the minute the votings over,when theyve not let the dust settle yet as you say.good luck to them of course,and comiserations for you.but if it turns out not what they thought(something that seems too good to be true usually is!) then try be helpful either way.

My children both live at a distance, though in the UK - one in Scotland and the other a long way away in England. Both their careers are likely to be badly impacted by Brexit and my son is already considering moving abroad. I voted against Brexit having been convinced by my daughter of the benefits of staying in the EU. Thank goodness I retire in a few months so will at least have the time to visit if they do end up moving even further away.

I can understand your sadness. My closest friend has just found out that her son (married to a Spanish woman) has got himself a job in Madrid and they're moving next month, including taking her only 2 grandchildren. All he keeps saying to her is "what did you think would happen when you voted for Brexit?" Another friend had an Irish father and her son has applied for an Irish passport - with plans to move to Dublin as soon as it comes through. This must be happening to hundreds of families throughout the UK.

Thank you all for your kind advice, I’m not sure how it works, can you privately message people on this site?
I’d like in the future to message the people in the same situation as me with children and grandchildren living overseas for advice and support as when they are both gone it is going to get very very hard. Is this possible?

I feel a bit better reading about everyone else’s experiences as long distance gp’s, I’m not very tech savvy and so will have to get some lessons before they go in video chat etc. I had Skype a long time ago when a relative was working abroad, but now I’m somehow locked out of it

hetty58 in answer to your comments. My elder son and his wife aren’t victims of Tory cuts directly, they were both funded through eu grants, which are now no longer available. The Tory government have cut arts funding so there is no back up after the eu funding stopped to keep these public arts programmes going, hence their move back to dils home country which has many funding opportunities available for them both.

The younger son and dil are moving to Canada because his company moved from London to a country in the eu, directly because of brexit. At the new location they are hiring only eu citizens. The jobs are now scarce in his field here so he is moving to Canada because he and dil are under 35 so can get working visas there, he already has a job set up via his connections. Hopefully dil will find something quickly when she gets there too.

It’s easier to try and discount me I’m sure, than face facts that brexit has effected many young people. It’s not what I voted for, I thought it would lead to more jobs not less.

To those ripping into me regarding voting brexit, I hope you are never wrong and regret your past actions or opinions. I think by losing both my children I’ve been punished enough don’t you think?

Hetty58 I agree!

I haven't heard of anyone at all who's 'lost their job due to Brexit'. I think someone must be joking. Not that it's funny.

We pay far more into the EU than we get back in grants, therefore, in theory, we have extra funds to pay into the arts.

People don't just up and emigrate on a whim, do they? It takes time and preparation to arrange it.

Dillythegardener, your statement:

'brexit meant both my children will emigrate'

is factually incorrect. Your DIL is Canadian and wanted to return home. You other son has fallen victim to Tory funding cuts. You say so yourself!

Today my grandsons from NZ aged 6 & 4 will be here for 6 weeks Their parents emigrated when my DIL was 6 months pregnant with the eldest and I totally understand your mixed emotions! Wonderful news that you are to be a grandma but terribly sad that you won't be a huge part of their lives. It's hard but you do adjust and surprisingly your grandchild will get to know you as they grow up thanks to the wonderful technology these days.

All seven of my grandkids were born abroad in different countries and yes it’s not how I had imagined but life never is is it? I think I have as good a relationship with them all as possible which is far better than many have The ones in NZ I see very little of as I ve no money for regular trips, but photos presents and phone calls are all good You just need to adapt which will take you a bit if you’ve always been a family that stayed put but times have changed
stella I was similar to you married into the services and at 20 I was off, my parents didn’t see their first born grandchild until she was nearly 2 They only had me (put all their eggs in one basket) But over the years they did everything they could to help and I eventually after divorce ended up back in the same town again so you never ever know what s round the corner
You will adapt it’s just different to your head plans and I expect a shock a real shame but better than being cut off through a disagreement

My family has always been scattered, OP. You've been lucky so far !

My parents left England with us kids , and we grew up here with no family at all. I only saw my grandmother once in all my life , and there were no phone calls or visits . Mum used to write to the family and send photographs - that was all the communication we had.

I married a serviceman and we left our home and lived all over the country, only seeing our parents once a year. Phone calls were expensive so that only happened rarely. Once again, letters were the default means of communication.

Now my son lives near me, but my daughter has moved with her husband's work, 1,000km away from us. We're lucky that we have Facetime which is great for talking to the children, and travel is comparatively cheap now. I fly to see them about once every two months , so it's not too bad.

All you can do, is to use the many communication tools that we have now. Text often, send pictures, make sure to use Facebook and Instagram to keep the communication going. It's not entirely like "being there " but it does help.

7 1/2 hour flight, of course.

We lived abroad, a 7 1/2 flight from the U.K., until dds were 10 and 7. But funnily enough, since dds and I spent at least a month back in the UK each summer, staying with both sets of GPs, and given that both sets of GPs came and stayed with us more than once, they probably saw more of them in total than they did of UK Gdcs who lived quite a distance away.

Must be different if you've always had all the family close by, though - it must be very hard, OP.
My own family was always scattered though, never had any GPs, aunts, uncles or cousins anywhere very near.

It is possible for children to have a good relationship with grandparents, even if far away. Our children’s grandparents lived in India. They managed a few visits to us over the years, and my husband brought some of our children to India a few times, before we could all go.

Somehow they got on better with Indian grandmother than with my mother, whom they saw more often. And this despite no Skype, phone calls or presents being sent. Seeing them in person every year or so, for a few weeks at a time was sufficient for a good relationship, which strengthened as our children became adults and chose to visit their grandparents independently.

Try not to be too negative DillytheGardener - you never know what's in teh future.

When your children are settled, there's the possibility of visits and my own mother sold her home and came out to me permanently at 73 years old.

Regarding brexit- you reap what you sow.
It is hard to believe brexiters voted for something without taking into account the consequences of the such a drastic change and now some of them are not happy these changes are happening- too bad so sad.

"I think we could afford a yearly visit to both sons, although thinking I may visit the elder son twice next year to see dil whilst pregnant and then see baby once he or she is born."
I hope your sons and dil are ok with this plan

Why would it be a fake post?

Dilly is a long-term poster.