emotional intelligence in children

EllanVannin
Not today. The earlier one starts addressing behaviours that are going to be a drawback to the child the better. Such as eye contact, listening to others, saying "hello, my name is ..."

It can make the world of a difference to the happiness of an ASD child to have this help as early as possible.

Well done, imho, Grannyjacq1 and parents of this DC, for being so astute so soon!

Whilst I agree that nowadays we tend to over worry and label children very early, I think this can only be helpful.. If you lived with someone who has little emotional intelligence you might think so too..

I work with special needs teenagers as a Learning Support Assistant and during my various employments have done training courses about autism. The first time I did one I spent the whole day recognising traits that my own son had. I realised he was 'on the spectrum', probably with Aspergers, but he was never formally diagnosed. As a child he had intelligence way beyond his years but struggled with making friends and normal socialising. He got on best with children who were younger than him. Now at 27 he has a PhD, is married and has a wide circle of good friends, but at school he didn't really have good friends until 6th form, and then only a few. I think his intelligence enabled him to overcome his difficulties in socialising but it took time. He got very stressed when starting his PhD course and eventually admitted to me that he thought it was some kind of fluke that he'd made good friends during his first degree course and was worried it wouldn't happen again!
Autism is such a wide 'spectrum' and I'm sure my son is only mildly affected compared to some for whom it is truly a disability affecting every aspect of their lives. I have worked with young teenagers for whom life is very difficult and I think it is very wise to get advice sooner rather than later so that help can be given if needed. If it turns out that his difficulties are very minor or even non-existant, no harm will have been done.

www.autismeye.com/pans-pandas-misdiagnosed-autism/

This may be totally irrelevant, but I read an interesting article on autism misdiagnosis today

I work in a children's nursery ( I am a qualified teacher) and can usually spot those children who will later probably be diagnosed as being somewhere on the autistic spectrum very early on; certainly before the age of 3. Also, I can identify the ones who will excel at something.

Pointing out certain things to look out for ( whether it's challenging behaviour or a special talent) to the parents and advising them with how to nurture the child is not a bad thing.

One child I taught was talent spotted by a football coach at primary school and may be destined for a professional career and another has just won a prestigious maths scholarship at secondary school. I identified both of these children at age 2 as having these special gifts.

I don't think three is too early to be diagnosed. Our grandson was diagnosed by then and to family members it was obvious just after age two. The diagnosis has helped him receive support at school although there are still many issues. Although I haven't answered your query if you personal message me I will explain some of the things that made us realise he was developing differently from other children. I am not technologically savvy!!

Matelda,wise,

My eldest son, now 40, could easily have been described as emotionally inept at playgroup. He never made friends at school and it would have been too cruel to hold birthday parties for him. There were no diagnoses in those days, and my heart was always in my mouth as I raised him. He grew up very intelligent and mathematical, content to watch life from the sidelines. Eventually he moved into management roles where he was popular and considered helpful and patient. A girl from halfway around the world persevered with him, he moved to her country, was absorbed into her family and quickly learned her culture and customs before marrying her. In his thirties, he attained a level of maturity that I would have thought impossible. We don't hear much from him - I think that his personality means he can only handle one family at once - but I am glad to leave him be if he is happy.

Any of Julia Donaldson’s books are lovely. My grandson was read these from about the age of 2 until he was about 5. It was lovely to hear him joining in with favourite words that he remembered because we read them so often. Another lovely book is ‘We’re going on a bear hunt’. Have fun reading.

Thank you - will give it a try!

Dear GrannyJacq1, I don't know if this is any use, as he's still a bit young, but I write a series of "Great Big" Books illustrated by Ros Asquith in a warm, humorous style and published by Frances Lincoln (Quarto). They are aimed at 4-7 year olds and I think The Great Big Book of Feelings might possibly help your grandson. That one is available in paperback. Good luck!

Oh and I should addd I m not in anyway downgrading people with children with autism life can be so so hard and difficult both for the child and the parent my only concerns is for the diagnosing of the ‘ slightly different’ end of the spectrum

I m sure your family will do the right thing grannyjac I am only expressing a personal point of view which is all any of us can do I just feel there are so many little foibles in small children and such a vast stretch of behaviours that it’s a shame they can’t just find their own levels in the scary process of growing up
Why is there so much Autism now, every second child seems to have it and in Us even more common 1 in 37 boys in US and it’s rising year by year I believe Autism is believed to be genetic so where have all these autistic parents and grandparents been or is it that the scale for a diagnosis is so wide now?
This is not meant to be a critical post I m simply questioning

It's very difficult to pinpoint exactly what the 'problem' is BlueBelle, it's just that his reactions to people, situations and events are very different from other children which I (a teacher for 35 years) and my daughter (also a teacher) have experienced before. As BradfordLass72 commented above, she couldn't put her finger on the situation exactly, and I feel the same. And the fact that the health visitor noticed it too was a worry. He does get very angry and upset if things aren't quite right, with his reaction often being out of proportion to the problem. Yes, I know he is only 3, but if there is something which can be done to make his life smoother and cause him less anxiety, then surely it is better to try to tackle the problem in as non-invasive a way as possible?

All I’m simply asking is what is considered ‘worrying emotional intelligence’ in a 3 year old as grannyjac says he is loving and affectionate within his family but no so good with unknown folk but that’s perfectly normal isn’t it ?
There is nothing in any posts made so far that sound worrying so presumably there is more than has come across in the posts

When my first son was born (1970) after a very difficult, prem birth it wasn't long before I knew that something was not quite right.

As he grew older, some of his reactions were unlike any I had encountered as a nanny and working in day nurseries.

He would get so angry, with himself and slap his head or bang it, although I never punished him beyond saying 'no' in sensible places.

Because I couldn't put my finger on any one thing, no one listened when I tried to explain his reactions were not what I regarded as within normal range.

And so it went on until he grew up and still had an anger problem -always turned in at himself. But why?
Most things were those most of us would laugh off, slight things, not serious - but they were to him.

I would have been glad of a label; at least then someone recognises you need help and can support you.

Thanks for all your suggestions. I think it was the fact that the health visitor made the referral that made my daughter pursue this matter. The little lad has a twin sister, and they are so different (not unusual, I know - we have lots of twins in the family, all very different), which I think accentuates the issue too. My daughter is a teacher, so she does know the behavioural problems that can become challenging if they are not handled sensitively when the child is young. I disagree with 'labelling' children, but I do agree with helping them to cope with life's demands in as sensitive a manner as possible.

Bluebelle (and some others) it is the Health Visitor who thinks that this behaviour is moving into he area where it needs investigation, not just grandmother and parents.

As I said, I think behaviour like this should be investigated, if it is just normal then everyone can give a sigh of relief and stop worrying. If it is decided that the behaviour should be investigated further then the problem is being picked up early.

We were advised to take DS for a psychological assessment when he was 4. It resulted in us being given help and advise about his education and how to react to his needs at home. It relieved our minds of any worries we had, reassured us that the way we were responding to him was appropriate.

No labels were attached, the only time we shared the information we had was when he was at secondary school and having a difficult time.

The trouble is when you read books or lists you can nearly always fit them in When I read lists for autism ADHD, OCD Dementia I can always find some that fit
if you don’t see any problems and his family don’t see any problems why would people look for them Im sure if the school see any they will soon let you know
You say he has some odd traits what sort of things ? You worry about him being considered naughty at school Is he ‘naughty’ at home
Three is such a precious innocent age I think he should be allowed to develop himself funny what stages they go through I remember when my son wouldn’t go to bed without his wellingtons on it was a stage and disappeared after a few months
By the way I recently read that Aspergers is no longer going to be considered a diagnosis as it is just autism but on the lower edge I ll try and find the link
I m sure we all have some traits in us I remember when I was about 14/15 I got into counting I had to look out the window before I went to bed so many times to the left and so many to the right if I didn’t do it correctly I had to start again I now think it was probably exam or teenage stress but a funny trait never the less it lasted about a year..

Gonegirl why not? we look for general intelligence in children and expect them to be learning and developing speech and understanding of the world, why not understanding how other people are feeling and understanding what emotions people round them are expressing?

100% with M0nica!

Emotional intelligence at 3 years old?!

I've heard it all now.

There are 6 Sue Graves books in Aldi this week - one of their ‘weekly specials’ - 99p each. I never go in Aldi, but my eldest daughter, a teacher, must have seen this online (she is away abroad on holiday) and asked me to get them for her Reception class.

Thanks for all your comments. To be honest, I'm not really sure what this implies for a 3 year old - to me he is just a normal 3 year old with some odd traits, which most young children seem to have at some point. However, the health visitor thought it was worth following up - and a few children's stories which help to develop emotional intelligence won't do any harm. Some children, if not diagnosed, are seen as 'naughty' when they start school because they are unable to read emotional signals from others. As my G/S will be starting school in a year's time, anything to avoid this would be helpful. But I agree - I don't really like 'labelling' children - especially at this age.

What is ‘lacking emotional intelligence’ in a 3 year old please? The poster says this child is loving and affectionate within his family ?