grandkids glued to devices

As they're only 5 & 9 my DGD they are not allowed too long on their tablets. When time is up and I suggest reading a book the younger room will go off to play in her room with her LOL dolls and the older one will want to play games with me. That's great but it seems the only reading they do is at school and not just for the pleasure of it.

Two of my granddaughters are absolute bookworms, we’ve spent many a happy, and expensive afternoon in Waterstones, so I suppose I can’t begrudge them a little time on their iPods

Last time I had my 14 year old grandson over he was not allowed any devices( by his parents). He did some hard work clearing up the garden, then we played board games. He had a great time.

Yes books, on the phone, shut in my room with my Dansette record player or glued to Luxembourg radio trying to hear the top 20. TV when Top of the Pops or Ready Steady Go was on but not keen on watching it with the family. My own children used to stay in their rooms as teenagers, listening to music or reading but I didn’t allow them TV in their rooms even then though I was unusual in this. The devices are a kind of all in one substitute for all these things. I use mine a lot so can’t really complain but my DD is very strict with her under 7 children and limits their TV radically.

We are lucky enough to live in a thick walled cottage where the grandchildren suffer withdrawal symptoms as they can only get a signal in some parts of the garden.
They were forced to talk at supper therefore when the 15 yo " gifted" child pointed out that she had stayed away from school the previous Friday in a protest about global warming ' Very interesting', I said and told her I found it a great puzzle as I did not know which events were cyclical and which due to the activities of man. I mentioned 'frost fairs' and ',viticulture in the north of England' in the past centuries. She looked blank and could say nothing about cyclical weather patterns. Designated 'gifted child' but never encouraged to look for evidence for anything. There was no persuasive discussion but I wonder about the teaching she had received and if she had ever been encouraged to find counter arguments.

None of my GC really use tech as they're all under 10yo and are not that interested yet. I am quite conflicted about the issue, though. I saw a production this week of Arthur Miller's The Crucible and the parallels with today were striking in many ways, not least that a woman was executed as a witch because she had been reading a book. Will we look back in 400 years (well, not us personally!) and wonder what all the fuss was about tech?

On the other hand, this clip about four year olds and tech is really quite concerning. www.facebook.com/Channel4/videos/354646955371593?s=100000640023435&sfns=mo

So, I don't know. I'm sitting on the fence and it's quite painful!

I do feel we are all entitled to have our own rules in our homes, but the matter does need to be broached tactfully.

Perhaps next time they visit, you could mention that you realise that social media are important, but you feel cheated because you aren't really able to talk to them, if they are using their phones and laptops all the time.

Say you would like half-an -hour that is "Grandma time" (substitute whatever they call you), where all phones and other devices are switched off, or left in another room.
This time is for talking! Strange old-fashioned activity.

Have something up your sleeve that you can tell them you did, when you were their age and do it with them.

Another good approach is to say you know nothing about Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook etc. whether you do or not, and get them to show you how to use these.

You may not want to use them, but knowing how means you can send them things and receive them and bridge the generation gap.

As mentioned upthread, it's the youtube rubbish which irritates me. I feel like a nag and a snob being shocked by the behaviour of some youtubers and it's hard to explain to my GS just what I object to. There's a family in the UK making a fortune with the whole family taking part in scripted scenarios. They act out, e.g. who can gain the most weight in 24 hours; who can buy the most in 24 hours. The way they speak to each other is awful. I just seem to nag all the time, but my GS and friends think it's hilarious. They're laughing all the way to the bank according to their website!

Fortunately, GS is interested in other things like drawing and painting and is an avid reader.

I try to look at it this way - if I was a teenager would I be glued to a device? I suspect the answer would be yes. We all like to do whatever is the easiest.
When television came along people complained that it ruined the art of conversation - now some people watch it at breakfast time.
When telephones came in people wrote fewer letters, and so on and so on.
I can see that youngsters are losing the ability to cope with actually talking to a person which is rather sad. We can't go backwards, can we? Perhaps we need to encourage the simpler things in life, like camping, etc. but I can imagine the groans and moans it would cause.

Imm6 - I find it hard not to interfere, but seeing as I'm in their home, not so easy. Their mum has told them it's rude, but really, both parents not much better. They are coming to my home for a few days soon, with DD, and I will have some ground rules. I may even turn the wifi off for a time each day if necessary! Will make sure we get out as well. The fifteen year old may well give 'not feeling well ' as an excuse not to come. Not this time!!

Some of ours seem surgically attached to their devices and sometimes it can seem like we’re losing touch with them. But I don't ban them at our house as I can’t see how making them miserable will help foster and develop the bonds we made telling stories/building lego/making dens etc when they were little. They will still happily come out and about with us, in fact the two we have here this weekend happily spent an hour or so plane spotting and using an atlas to search out destinations which led to some lovely conversations. They then had a trip to the park, a run around and a good walk back here. Yes they’re on their gizmos now, while tea is cooking, but then so am I!!

My house/my rules was ok when they were little and tried to pull the wool over my eyes about things that were/weren't allowed at home. They still try to do that now, but I know phones aren’t allowed in their bedrooms overnight at home either!

I’m hoping that all we as grandparents invested in each one of them in the early days has provided a good foundation for an ongoing positive relationship as they get older. Nothing stays the same, but it can still be good!

Ginny

I agree, there’s a family on YouTube with three daughters, who must film every minute of their boring lives. I ask my granddaughters how they’d like being watched by all their friends all the time, they wouldn’t!

What sort of parents put their children through that?

I was a total addict to my phone and social media, I deeply regret not valuing the family time more. Although thankfully no one has passed away in the time it took for me to delete my social media and I hardly look at my phone. I'm 22 now and call my family every day and see them as much as I can. My daughter may hate me, but I will not let her have a smart phone until she can buy one from her own earned money, she will make do with a phone without Internet access! Phones, the Internet etc. Can be great, and they are, but I want her to really value her childhood and teens without being stuck to a screen. I missed so much.

Lxrl

Good for you!

Like MOnica, I always asked for books for birthday and Christmas presents. Even now, if I am deep into a book, an earthquake could not rouse me from it so, I suppose that is no different. The only thing is that now, I would not get stuck into a book if there were visitors or I was visiting.

Yes, DGD is the same, she's 14. Her phone seems to be glued to her hand on a permanent basis. I don't approve, but it's not my place to say. She's on Facebook, Instagram and Gawd knows what else. It worries me, but my DD says, "Mum, all her friends are on it, if she wasn't she would be singled out and end up getting bullied". Sad innit?

My eldest 4 grandchildren are 19, 17, 13 and 10. When they visit the two boys will have a brief chat about what's going on in their lives, then turn to their phones. The girls are different. They'll chat for longer, telling me about their week, their plans etc The 2 little ones 6 & 7 love to be outdoors doing anything -today it was collecting rubbish from the beach. They do have a tablet each but are rarely on them. It's just a sign of the times and we have to move with it. That's not to say that I agree with it.

My youngest daughter could not be dragged away from MTV ?
Then it was her mobile phone, which even went with her into the bathroom ?
Luckily, none of my GC or GGC seem as hung up on their mobiles as that one daughter did.
She'd ring when she was clattering dishes or running a bath or in the shower. I routinely cut the call.
I like calls when there are no disturbances, you are not shopping or having a conversation with your companion or in a pub etc.
If you are...don't ring me.

I don’t have a problem with my DC being on them when we’re visiting the GPs providing they’ve spent a large chunk of the time interacting with us. Adult conversation can get a bit boring at times so I’m happy for them to switch off just as I did with a book or magazine when I was young and visiting relatives.

That being said, two of the four GPs are dead, one is a recluse who hasn’t seen his grandchildren or us in years and the other is nearly 90 and of the old school who has very fixed ideas of what her grandchildren should say and do. I really wish they had grandparents they could visit and (largely!) ignore for a few years during adolescence but sadly that won’t happen now

I’ve just had my five year grandchild for the last seven hours, apart from watching a film at the end of the day, no screens at all, I consider that to be a result!

I understand the point the OP is making but I think there was a time when young women were discouraged from reading too much etc etc.

My grandmother said her mother never liked her going to the swimming baths because she thought you caught head lice there.

Things change. In the 1960's, people's parents complained about pop music and watching too much television.

I think there's a happy medium but it's not always easy to find it.

My grandson is hard to prise off the Xbox.
It's an ongoing battle.

I also had my head in a book for my entire young life. I don't recall ever sitting and having a conversation with "the oldies" ! Dad was always reading the paper, and Mum watched the TV all the time. I don't think there was much "scintillating conversation" at our place at the best of times !

My eldest GS (now 21) has always loved devices but thats ok, I love them as well so we would play the games together, now he shows me stuff when we have lunch together and we chat about his online things. My youngest GS (10) is also a device junkie but I encourage him to show me what hes doing on it and explain what he is doing, he is quite happy to spend time talking about his favourite things. Then I ask him to spend a little time talking about his other activities. i find kids ...well my lot...are happy to do this because I have let them talk about their stuff as well. My husband struggles with this as devices and the games do not interest him.

Me too, been feeling disappointed that my relationship with my two grandsons (10 and 8) is not what I thought it would be.
They live a number of miles away, so don't see them too often and when I do, we can never seem to do much together