Is it okay to say let's skip this summer

When mine are with me (12 ad 9) they brush the patio. If I do a little gardening they take the bits to the bin and sweep up. They water the garden. Doesn’t bother me or them if they get mucky or wet. Shower and change clothes or straight into PJs.

For breakfast, cereal, toast and fruit, they set and clear the table. Any crumbs they vac the floor. They do dishes or load the dishwasher.

They never get bored as they are always happy to go on their technology. And as for tv they love to watch Garden Rescue or Super Nanny so I always have these recorded. Also there’s always a few suitable movies recorded.

At my house there’s no specific limitation on tv etc as it’s only for a short time.

Overit You make it sound like you were somehow coerced into arranging and paying for holidays and hosting your families. Yet you also say "I have done all these years because that is what grandparents are supposed to do". So, in effect, it was your choice because you wanted to keep up appearances. It was probably unwise of you to either initiate or go along with this arrangement when you do not enjoy the company of children.

Perhaps you could be honest and tell your family that you are feeling very tired and no longer have the energy or financial resources to pay for holidays or to host your grandchildren.

As others have said, as grandchildren get older there is a good chance that you will see very little of them anyway.

If you could cope with just a few days would it be possible to discuss finances with mum. Tell her you no longer can fund this and could she give you treats money. This could pay for a couple of days out with brunch and dinner/tea out. No cooking for you. Kids could strip the beds before they leave. Leave their room tidy. You could all have a half hour tidy up before they go. They could vacuum and dust, don’t take it all on yourself

I agree with Gramaretto, holiday camps! There’s plenty of choice these days, and on a smaller scale, holiday clubs and courses, my grandchildren all do various activities throughout the year, and they invariably hold holiday courses. One of the local schools has a very varied program of activities, which you can cherry pick to suit

We live in a rural area, so I’m sure the towns and cities offer a lot more, it seems some parents don’t want to put their hands in their pockets, and lets face it, a thirteen year old is going to get more fun from a holiday club, than hanging around with granny.

Stansgran why on earth do you do it??

He's 13. Holiday camp!! There are all kinds of camps if you google.
You shouldn't have to put up with an ungrateful little B.
Or if you feel you must then explain that he will need to help and learn to be gracious.
Well perhaps not gracious but something more than a grunt.
I wish you well.

Sorry that was a rant and didn't mean to derail op.

I think I'm in the same situation and it's incredibly hard to say no after all the years of open house and extravagant holidays for them. We've just been asked to fill in for one parent having the holiday of his life while the other parent relocates in her new job. The weather didn't help as the heat produced a spectacular storm with hail and flooding. The 13 year old was like "Kevin" with bells on. He was generally scathing about anything English- he's Swiss and when given a present( parents are not fussed about pjs so I give them pjs for school trips) just left a heap on the living room floor. Two weeks of cooking which he demolished even though not approving of itand his mother gave them both thank you cards to write and his was a blank which he handed to us. Their mother still wants us to have them in the uk as she has work in two countries in the summer. They are with other GPs for two weeks. The boy doesn't want to come so will be unpleasantly recalcitrant if I can judge from this fortnight. We've spent about £300 on flights plus a few hundred on food. Books and clothes are gifts so don't count but I am tiredand hurt by the blank card.

I admire your honesty... Just be honest with your daughter by explaining you’re exhausted and I’m sure it will be fine.

Oh my, of course you can say no. It doesn’t make you a bad grandma or mom. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
You are entitled to a break whenever too want it. You are not responsible for treating them to vacations. You were more than generous to do it once, let alone annually.
Please, take this summer (and as long as you need or want after) to focus on yourself.
Recharge yourself. Find some joy and happiness for YOU.
Take care of you. They will be fine. Your grandchildren can visit when you want and when you find the visits enjoyable. That may be when they are older.
Don’t feel guilty, you’ve some monk but wrong. Spend your energy and money getting yourself back to 100%, then (if you want) worry about others.

Hugs to you!

Overit, I agree that it's ok for you to say no if you explain that you can't quite do what you used to do, etc., when it comes to kids and/or can't afford this/that. But you need to be consistent and avoid giving out mixed messages about what you can or cannot do/spend. And hopefully, you can just make some changes as to length of time, etc., rather than stop visiting w/ each other altogether.

Also, I agree w/ Luckygirl that it seems only fair to give DGS one summer visit after all the years of hosting DGD. But, in the end, it's still up to you and whether or not you feel up to it.

I treasure every moment w/ my grands. But I know how tiring it can be. And if you're really not that into kids, I imagine it's even more exhausting. You've been very generous. Now it's time to think of you.

I really do think you need to be honest with your DD. When you are in your prime it is hard to get your head round the loss of energy that can come with getting older, so unless you tell her your position (with a few edits - I doubt if it would be wise to express your feelings about children in general) then she has no way of knowing. Your position is not the least unreasonable; but DD has probably never thought to ask how you feel about this because you have given her no clues.

But I would be inclined to try and have your DGS this year in the interests of fairness - but to be open with his Mum and ask for help with the things you are finding difficult.

there are places that are free to visit,and why would you move your furniture around and back ,surely gc will accept your home as you want it to be,. i would still have the gc but maybe for just 2 weeks. dont go on holiday/dont spend money on them .take them on walks etc .parks/woodland assault courses.somewhere free of charge,.i feel your daughter should contribute too..... their mother should be the one to provide what they need not you. thr money saved maybe you can go away for a little "me time". tell your daughter its time for a break,be firm and say the big word NO..no more. granny wants time to herself...

sounds to me as though you have made your decision - I find it hard to understand. I adore my GC and cannot imagine telling them they couldn't stay with me. They are growing up and won't want to stay for much longer. Why move furniture - let them manage or move anything. Many people would love to be in your position.

You cant do it anymore infact I cant imagine the stress you are going through thinking of this
Just tell your daughter make sure its done kindly
You may if you wish send some money for them.to use on something else.
Its become a burden and when this happens it has to stop.

I never have done stuff like that but just tell them that you feel like an old crock (even though you're not) and you are happy to treat them to a few days away onceca year but the overnights and week long stays are not something you want to continue.
Say ' Yer poor old nan is getting on in years and needs a break' in a jokey voice.
Mean it and do it.
They aren't mind readers.
I really don't get why people find it so difficult to tell the truth to other adults. It's not being horrible fgs.

OP, If you are truly a friend, then you need to tell your daughter. I’m curious why your granddaughter has been coming every year for the last 13 years, but you haven’t found a chance to do that with your grandson. But that’s none of my business.

The common thread for everybody seems to be we should all be Be grateful for what we have if it’s what somebody else wants. And the people, no matter which end, should always do what other people want them to do. I think that’s horribly unfair, and that women especially are told to suck it up because somebody else would prefer to have your problems.

Do what you need to do, but make sure you are honest with everybody about why you are changing their normal.

Ignore dilemma.....fat phone fingers!!!

Just like to add that M0nica’s suggestion of cutting dilemma the week to a weekend seems like a good compromise

Of course you can say 'no' - and if you say it right, they will understand and respect this.

I am in the other situation, where I would do anything to have my GCs stay with us - and so hope this will happen before we are too old and too tired to do it. Severe allergy issue means sil just can't let go, and we have to respect this 100%, however sad and disappointed we are.

Over it...your feelings and difficulties are as important as the next mans!
My thoughts are just that you don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water at this late stage do you?
Others have pointed out that the fur will probably fly if gs doesn’t get at least one week with you, and common sense dictates your gd is going to tire of her time with you soon.
I hope you can work on a compromise with your daughter soon.
Good luck ☘️

As M0nica has suggested, chat this over with your daughter. You are lucky a 14 year old still wishes to visit you and it would seem that the contact needs to be reviewed. Perhaps they should be saving up their pocket money for things they want to do with Grandma. you would like your daughter with them so perhaps you can sort out some better arrangement through discussion

also do get your health checked. Are you anemic, has your thyroid decreased?

Leyla...I under your difficulty and your feelings. You seem to love your mum so don’t look at the accommodation as a slight against you. Think of it in the same vein as looking after children....in as much as children can’t help that they need so much help and neither can us grans sometimes!!!?

Seems a shame but you need to talk to your daughter and see if you can work something out between you. You presumably want to be careful not to alienate them so you rarely see them.
It's so hard: my DM is well into her 80's now and not in great health but we live a way away. They don't really want to come to us as we have stairs and it's a long trek to get here, also they just seem more settled in their own home so the alternative is for us to go to them but that's also a problem because it's too much for Mum to cope with having us there really. I would be more than willing for us to change beds, cook, etc when there but they don't want that either. I suppose we shall end up having to staying in a hotel or something but a tiny part of me feels that's a bit mean to us.

Have you thought about having them one at a time? I've often thought that one to one time is one of the best things a grandparent can give. It must be difficult to balance their different interests so no wonder you are feeling tired.