So worried

.....are people Really suggesting that because of grandmother doesn’t want her grandchildren to move she should call social services after them? Or that the kids should move in and be separated from their mother?

Come on. That’s how people end up in no contact relationships.

How soon are they moving? How much time do you have to broach the subject of your gds staying with you for a while, etc? Perhaps they don't have things set up yet because they feel they have time? Or... are you even sure they're going to go through with this?

Violet, let us know how things are. Thinking of you xx

Vi0let quite a few members have taken the time to offer advice, do you have any feedback for them?

Imm6

I agree that OP could suggest that the children might stay with her. However, I would suggest that she not make it clear they are "her world".

OP is an adult. She cannot ask another person to be "her world". That's frankly unhealthy. As a mum that would raise huge red flags if someone told me that my child was "their world".

Agree with Breeze. It would be great if the children could live with you if possible. If not, I would speak to your daughter about how much you will miss her and the children. Explain that they are "your world". Ask if you could have them at weekends (obviously not every one) and as much as possible during school holidays. You could say that this will give your daughter time with her boyfriend to get to know one another. She might be very pleased with this idea. Or, if you can, go to stay near them and take the children off her hands as much as possible. Such a worry but do not give up.

I agree with most posters who suggest you have the children (if you can) while they are setting up home and schools etc perhaps then if everything is stable they could go back for the new term in September
I do see how worrying this is Violet as your daughter already sounds detached from the girls and with a new lover may be even less interested in them I d be sobbing to
Can you have them if she lets you ?

I feel for you so much and understand how heartbroken you must be.

How about the suggestion of having them for a few days in the school holidays? That is hope for you and something fabulous for the children.

Please talk about that with your daughter.

Yes - we can’t control what other people - including our children - do.

There are lots of school holidays. On between times find something to do.

I really hope some of this has been helpful.
X

I would be asking if I could have the children. She maybe glad to off load them so she can concentrate on her new man.
Even if it was for a while whilst she settled she might like not having them around.
Tell her to keep the family allowance even.
Might sound harsh, but I would be very worried to

All very good advice already given Violet, the only thing I can add is about my youngest sisters situation of 20 yrs ago. Very chaotic lifestyle, 4 children to 3 different dads, 2 marriages before she turned 21 and then she met her husband. She met him over the Christmas holidays and was married on Valentines day, moved within a year from the NE to SW. It was the best thing they ever did, it took her away from all her old haunts and 'friends' and they've never had it so good. They run their own business, girls all went to good, small village schools and are doing much better despite all our initial fears. We never know what lays ahead and I fully understand your fears but thankfully modern technology will help you keep in touch. I wish you and your family a good outcome and many years together

driverann posts crossed. Agree with your views too.

Oh Violet what a horrible worry for you. As BradfordLass suggested is there any way you could have them live with you? You could say to your DD that it would give her a chance to settle in with new partner and the children wouldn't have to move schools etc.

It's a new relationship and may not work out so it's a lot of upheaval if they then return and have to change schools again. Although best not to say those actual words to DD who is probably besotted with new love.

If that's really not possible, then keep in touch with the children best you can so you can get a feel for how they are coping and try to visit when you can. Unless the children are actually at risk, then there really isn't much else you can do.

I do hope talking things through on here will help you as I'm sure you feel very helpless right now

I would suggest to your daughter that to save disrupting the children schooling’s how about she goes to her boyfriend and you have the children if you can. If not I would want to know everything about the boyfriend and I would have his background checked out. There are ways and means to do this. The way your daughter treats the children now she would be pleased I would think to let you bring them up as she is making such a bad job of motherhood. Have the children’s school noted how the children have been going to school.

Oh violet How worrying for you.
As Jean says it’s so difficult to watch from the sidelines when our AC make unhealthy decisions.
All the good advice above is worth following I think.
Has the situation with her attitude always been the same?
If you could find a way to support your daughter even when she is behaving badly (which I’m sure you already do), she may look look upon you as a confidant and allow you more insight to her situation, and therefore you might be in a position for her to turn to for help should she and gds need it!!
Try not to antagonise her so that contact breaks down.
My thoughts are with you

The important thing is to keep in touch and try not to judge (this very difficult in your situation) because what you don't want is to lose contact altogether. Maybe the new boyfriends could be a positive influence in their lives. Live in hope that this is so.

That is a worrying situation Vi0let the only thing you can do is keep in touch by phone, Whatsapp, Facetime etc. At least the children are of an age to let you know if there is a problem. Sadly you can only be there to pick up the pieces if necessary.
Having them for holidays sounds like a good idea as well. Not easy being a grandparent is it ? I hope things work out better than you hoped.

I fully understand why you are upset, as it does sound as if your daughter is putting her own and her new boyfriend's needs before those of her children.

However, 400 miles isn't the end of the world, it is after all the mileage between Glasgow and London, so you should be able to visit now and again. Both children are old enough to email you or use facetime, so please suggest they do so, so you can keep in touch. Surely your daughter want say no to that if you ask nicely?

They will be legally required to be at school so that should propel her.

Could you suggest to your daughter that the girls stay with you so that she doesn’t have to go to the trouble of setting them up at new schools etc and really focus on her new relationship. “Sell” it to her like that?

I feel for you OP

Quite possibly completely unrealistic, but have you considered moving to the area too?

Hugs! Just lots of hugs!

Oh and please do al you can to stay in touch with your gc and give them support (FaceTime, skype, etc.). Also, I like the idea of their visiting you. Dd will probably be glad to have them out of the way, sad to say.

My first thought is to question if your daughter is well?

ViOlet I really feel for you as we have much the same situation with two of our grandchildren and I have sleepless nights about it. I mentioned some concerns to my sister in law who is a social worker and her response was that every situation was different and I was applying my own standards. My son sees his children every two weeks but has mental health problems so realistically can’t push for custody at present. I feel that we grandparents have no real rights.

At least there are two of them, similar in age, to understand each other. And you don't report favoritism or anything like that, so the two of them will validate each other. It's when there is one child scapegoated that the real isolation sets in.

This must be so stressful
Are you close with their father?
Half term and the summer holidays are just around the corner could you have them for a little holiday?

I would be very worried especially about the fact that no arrangements have been made with regard to housing/jobs/schools etc and the fact it is only 6 mths into a new relationship,its hardly any time at all to know anyone is it.
Very good advice given already above,I would certainly try and get more background information about this "boyfriend" are you not allowed to do a Police background check or does that only apply to actual partner of the person concerned.