Naughty Step

I would ignore the huffs and tantrums, but I would tell him that sweeping toys off the table is not all right. I'd say, "Don't do that please, dear" and pick up the toys myself. If he does the same thing again, take the toys away for a minute or two, then ask him if he would like them back.

If he says yes, let him play with them on the floor.

Naughty Step is a cruel and controlling punishment and should be stopped.

As a Foster carer, and a GM, we don't use the Naughty Step, we use time out with us. In other words, the LO sits on the floor by me for however long I feel is appropriate/until they calm down, while I either get on with little jobs I can do without moving around, or just sit and read.
Works a treat with all the children we have cared for, and certainly defuses ension all round. Might also add that my own children tell me I use 'that' voice. A very quiet firm one!!!!!

I have more patience with my gc. I very rarely raise my voice to them. However, with my own children, it was different. I came from an age and a culture where smacking was the norm. So my children were smacked...glad to report it hasn't had a negative effect on any of them. ?. They are loving and successful adults.

M0nica is right, he is just entering the ‘terrible2’s’, he needs to assert himself, if you are quick, you can avoid the confrontation. Ignore him when he is behaving badly, praise when he is being nice. Never too young for naughty step as long as it is age related. Too often can lose its charm. We had to stop when our youngest grand daughter was just over three, as she would just take her self off to the step, when we told her something was not nice. It was not unusual to say, “what are you doing there?” She would say I’m on the naughty step, because ......

Small kids are just trying to be human. Humans are weird and complicated. They need us to show them our weird ways because its not always obvious why we do what we do.

E.g. hypothetical baking activity gone wrong - all chucked on floor in a tantrum:
Ask:
Was it badly timed/planned? Did they need a nap or run around rather than an intricate activity involving following orders.
Was it right to tell them off for eating the mix? Every other time you sit them at the table you want them to eat, but this time they did what they thought they were supposed to do and it was wrong? THEN they tantrumed and threw the bowl on the floor but whose fault is that. Did you properly explain that baking time isnt eating time at the start? Or did YOU forget that it isnt a given that they would know that? Did you redirect them when they did the wrong thing & ate from the mix bowl? Or not just leaving them angry and confused because they got it wrong?

Naughty step is a cop out. It puts all the blame on the child rather than the adult reflecting on what went wrong

Yeah, but if I'd given mine a bear hug notanan I would have been on the naughty step with him.

Mind you, could've cuddled him then. #badgranny

I think they know quite well how to get a reaction/response.

If they think they cant get a positive one, an annoyed one will do

I don't believe in the " naughty step ", as deep down I think it's cruel.

I think a two year old knows quite well when they do something naughty. Little buggers

Sometimes at that age they just need a big bear hug. Its gotta be mighty confusing and overwhelming trying to emulate and please adult humans and their weird ways all day long

I wouldn't try to make him pick the toys up. Just find something to distract him. Leave the swiped toys where they land.

I remember my little GS sitting on 'naughty step' and looking so disconsolate. I don't like the idea.

The naughty step teaches nothing.

You cant just tell a child that age to just "stop" it wont work well and that is your fault not theirs.

They do not know how to CHANGE their action / behaviour. It is your (as in the adults) job to teach that, and naughty step doesnt teach that. It keeps the focus on the bad behaviour and doesnt show how to switch it to good behaviour.

You need to tell or show them what to do instead

Otherwise they will keep getting frustrated by being told to just stop....with no help re what they should redirect their energy to instead. That is where the tantrum comes from

I have never used the naughty step with either my children, or grandchildren. I have never even called them naughty! I don’t think children as young as 2 even know what naughty is - they are just being children. If they do something I don’t like I tell them.....I don’t like it when you do that, please don’t do it again. If they continue, I repeat that I asked them not to do it! They have to know what’s acceptable and what’s not, but telling them they are naughty doesn’t help in my opinion.

Toddlers are such hard work sometimes. I have three GC under 3, all of whom I mind occasionally and one in particular is the King of tantrums. I think you sound like you're handling it just fine. He will grow out of this stage, and then probably be an absolute breeze until he hits adolescence and then you have another phase of fun and games in my experience.
Toddlers can be little terrorists?

Just turned 6 GD doesn't like taking her vitamin lozenges, vital because she stubbornly refuses to eat any fruit or vegetables. Earlier this week she put cereal into her bowl and got down from the table. DS asked what she was doing. 'I'm going to sit on the naughty step because I don't want to eat my vitamin sweet' she announced. Where do you go from there?!!

Also, I feel as if you suspect the mum is somehow to blame for this though you don't come out and say so. If that's the case, please don't. It's possible he's just being a 2-yr-old or even reacting a little to the changes in his circumstances (parents' breakup).

Oh, I think I misread earlier. I thought the swiping of toys was during the tantrums. I see it's when he can't get his way. But, in a sense, that's a tantrum, too, and his little way of testing the waters. The main thing, imo, is that he sees this behavior doesn't get him his way. Then, in time, it will probably stop.

It might be a good idea to ask his mum what guidance measures she uses. Maybe she has a method that works well with this particular boy.

Both my dgc learned to give themselves a "time out" when they were little and upset, I assume becuase dd used that method. It can teach self control, as Niobe says, including the concept of taking a breather, "counting to 10," so to speak, etc.

However, I know it doesn't work with all children. I think it's ok to start at 2 (and, imo, 23 months is close enough). But please don't just expect it to work with this gs just because it worked with the others, and don't fall into the trap of thinking this gs is somehow "less lovely" if it doesn't.

Also, generally, I believe in ignoring tantrums, but I wouldn't accept throwing things or knocking them off tables. I can see trying the Naughty Step for that or, yes, getting him to pick the things up. But as a pp (previous poster) said, I would wait till he calms down to have him pick them up. Trying that in the middle of the tantrum is likely to just escalate things.

Maw Broon, your DGS has obviously learned self control. I am very impressed! He sounds delightful.

DD doesn’t use it with DGS (2 3/4) but we find it hilarious when he takes himself off to the kitchen back doorstep announcing “I having a time out”.
Doesn’t last long and after a minute or two he bounces back and carries on with playing.
We assume this is something he has heard at nursery but it seems such a good idea to preempt a strop!

I have never used a naughty step. Back in the 70's with my own two children I don't think I had even heard of it and it hasn't been used with DGS either. Made friends with a professional nanny when at play sessions with DGS and she advised distraction techniques with pre-school aged children before a real tantrum or battle-of-wills developed.

Stand firm negotiate and say " no" giving eye contact . I use thinking time in my preschool room 3/4 years old and that does help . Although your grandson is still a little young for thinking time he will continue to grow by standing firm.

Agree ignore behavior if tantrum.
Distract if possible. (Balloon in pocket is useful)

If child is doing something they shouldn't then I would get down to a childs level (in some cases would pick them up) and say 'No' and give short explanation eg that is hot,it will burn you.
Then a cuddle.

A 2yr old is not naughty.
His/Her brain is just working out what is going on his world.

Totally ignore it would be my advice.

Thank you all so much. I do agree that dgs is still too young for any naughty step, I was thinking more of.... when on earth was it introduced with the other older dgc because this wee lad's going to be a handful .
Truly he can be such a joy - but sometimes when he doesn't get his own way... well... he definitely has his moments.

It was really good to be reminded that most wee ones are just the same and that at present I should continue to ignore what I can - just as I have been doing.

I do use the firm 'No, don't touch' and my 'Granny's not pleased face' both of which often work even if he does turn his face away for a minute and won't look at me. It's the very willful moments that I was thinking about. You have reassured me that the present methods of dh and myself, which pretty much mirror what has been discussed above, is as it should be.

Also, while he appears to be very happy and content with Daddy, and while with us, you have indeed reminded me that he is coping with so many different situations. I was saying to my dh last night that when with Daddy he might well be happy but must also wonder where Mummy is. And of course, the other way around when with Mummy.

We are on civil terms with Mummy and she sometimes picks him up from our home. However, there is no way, certainly at present, we would be getting into any conversation with her, we keep it limited to.... dgs was well, ate well, how many soiled nappies etc. Bye bye, safe home. (There have been too many misquotes in the past).

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts and have to say that I had to smile at some of your stories.