So upset with lack of discipline for GCs

I’m a mum, not a granny and I think that the general consensus that you “shouldn’t criticise the parents”, if you want to stay friends anyway should not be followed in this instance.
You are of a generation that wasn’t brought up with this kind of technology, whilst many of today’s parents were so they don’t see the danger or the damage or have the energy or whatever is necessary to do anything about it.
And everybody is doing it even if you decide that no, you are not going to allow this anymore, all their friends are on it etc etc. Speak your truth about it and don’t be afraid of the consequences because the alternative is far worse. Tell the kids lots of stories about your childhood and what you did without technology and as other people have advised do other stuff with them too.
The pull of tech is huge and to find the right balance takes a lot of effort!

Concentrate on good food, manners and discipline and ban screen time when they are at yours . You cannot change what happens in their own home, I'm afraid, if the parents are unwilling to co-operate.

My 16 year old GS spent most of his spare time playing games in his room. Although bright, he isn't very academic, and didn't work very hard at school. His sister is studying law, but he was never interested in going to Uni, insisting that he wanted an apprenticeship.
He has now started a Construction Apprenticeship, with a view to specialising in something when he decides what he wants to do. He does day-release at College, and is enjoying it, because it is relevant to his new life. The games are a thing of the past, as he is so shattered when he gets home from work that he is in bed by 9. He is enjoying his new life.
Don't worry about the children being too attached to their 'machines.' My parents constantly told me off for reading too much, saying that I would need glasses before I was 21! I still read a huge amount, but the glasses didn't come until middle age! Times have changed, and many games teach the children skills of various kinds. When the time comes they will move on to new things that interest them.

Blame the parents for unruly children

Permissive parenting " all the rage"...I don't think so! Luckily my daughter and SIL are on exactly the same page with parenting AND luckily same page as me!! I look after two grandkids after school and before school three days a week...if I'm giving my time I at least deserve to be treated respectfully AND listened to...then obeyed. That is exactly what happens. My grandkids have no home computer...nor do the parents. They are right up there with computer studies at school so it's NOT disadvantaging them ( before the naysayers start up)... I mean it took me about 10 minutes to get my head round technology....so how many lessons do they need. Their parents work in schools for 'excluded' children and see the results of LAZY parenting every day of the week. My daughter is a child psychological counsellor and goes all round the country into schools with 'problems' . Her motto is ' see the child, know the parent'. Lazy...lax...indifferent parenting is a massive problem... and technology is used as cheap 'babysitting' just as t.v was in past generations. As for 'backing off' my daughter never interferes with my grandparenting...as she knows I also want what's best for her kids. They are well disciplined , lovable, sporty, healthy examples of their generation. Not moribund computer slaves. They're allowed 1 hour a day each of 'tech'. The rest of spare time is football practise...rugby...reading...helping out....cooking... and anything else that takes their eye.

Why not teach youngest grandchild to read whilst he is at your home instead of watching him play endless computer games which incidentally may be age inappropriate for him. Get older children involved in baking. Make the rule no computer games at Nanny's house.

Exactly right Saggi. My grandson spends a lot of his home hours making his train tracks and pushing his trains around them. His designs are becoming more complex. His Mum spends 1 hour each day teaching him his phonic alphabet and reading him stories. We also play make up a story where one person starts story off and next adds a bit and so on. He is only aloud 1 15 min episode of Thomas each day if he has behaved well. DD and SiL take him out and about to National Trust sites walking at weekends, swimming and gym tots. My dd and her husband do not watch a lot of TV and do not game or spend endless hours on their phones and neither will my grandchildren. Just say no and find enjoyable alternatives for them to do.

I can't help commenting that you say the children have turned into "monsters" and yet you only say they spend a lot of time playing computer games. Gaming doesn't turn kids into monsters - or are they doing things you have not mentioned ?

As a child in the 50's I was a loner and spent a huge amount of time watching old movies on the television. I ended up getting a good education and having a great career - I don't really think you need to be too worried about the GCs turning into monsters because of technology.

I don't think it's the technology itself, it is the way the parents seem to have abdicated any ability to set some kind of limits. When a 4.5 year old "demands" his mother's iphone to play on for hours a day, I find that pretty monster like behavior. When they help themselves to junk food like chocolates and crisps at all hours of the day, I find that monster like. Then when we say no at our house, we become the baddies and hear "Mum and Dad allow" and even more "our other grandparents allow".
We are really not such disciplinarians (!) but compared to the other side, it feels that way!

Older Grandchildren can be a bit more tricky and not happy with watching Thomas and pushing a train set around.

This is very different to when they were babies and toddlers and happily occupied.
I wish computer games had not been invented.

It really depends on what they are playing.

If they are playing mindless violence and sexual scene games that is a big concern.

But like books, some games have amazing plot twists and require planning, strategy and team work to play.

Its like telly. There's fantastic educational documentaries and then there is mindless gratuitous sex and violence. Gaming is the same.

That said I personally fall on the "very limited" gaming time side of the fence, but know plenty of top stream health sociable kids from unlimited households.

Like has been said above, things the last generation did can be done on a phone: listening to music, reading, playing scrabble etc...

The CONTENT matters as much as the time IMO.

Ive used online maths programs to help my children with homework for example. Thats still screen time. One of them is quite into classical music and listens to that online too..

The 9.5 year old is mostly on YouTube watching videos, not always age appropriate ones.
The 6.5 and 4.5 boys are mostly on Fortnite.
Not sure if these would qualify as educational?

When we were children our grandparents criticised our being allowed to watch television, said we were spoiled having far too many toys. I clearly remember a great-aunt, who I loved, saying that when she was a child she only had one doll and the clothes she had made for her. This was said as a criticism to my mother who tried tactfully to change the subject.

Why don't you tell your grandchildren about the games you played when you were their ages? Playing tag, peeverbeds (which you may know as hopscotch) tiddliewinks if the weather is bad. Most children love hearing about "when grannie was my age".

I think the issue here is what you do when you disagree with any aspect of your AC's parenting of their children. OP is saying she makes her views known, but I think that is not the right thing to do. I would have been hopping mad if my parents had interfered when I was bring up my children.

Also the world changes, and the use of electronic devices is simply part of the world they live in now and it is very different from when we were young. That's fine -life moves on.

My grandsons 4trs-11yrs as they’ve got older have become more ‘lost’ to Fortnite and other screen games, Fortunately they also play football and riding their bikes, but it’s me who has to adapt as it’s them growing up! I’ve tried to be interested but it doesn’t do it for me..they’re happy boys though fortunately the 4yr is still happy with Lego etc ..I can join in on that ..phew?

I would suggest taking an interest in what they are doing online when you visit thus making it a social thing. Get them to explain what they are doing/playing, this will be particularly good for the younger ones language skills etc.

Things don't have to be an "educational" app to have educational value, get them to explain their planning and strategy to you if they are playing fortnite. Ask the older one to help you find useful tutorials on youtube. Connect with what they are doing at their house. Then at your house: your rules!

I remember when the older generation thought that comics were uneducational & dumbing down kids, now older generations are like "why can't they just read a comic or something?

& escapism is great, I love the odd trashy non educational book!

Back to what to do: explaining tasks to others is a good skill/mental workout. Ask them to teach Nanna to play fortnite That'll make it educational

Children are being taught coding in schools now. It’s a different world,from the one we grew up in. We need to embrace it. But also to encourage them to get outside, too, on a bike, walk a dog, wash a car, skateboard, find a bug, watch a bird, cook a scone. Embrace all of it. They do multi-task quite well!

gmelon I sympathise. My son also lives with me and I have his children 3/4 (or more) days a week. He is never off his phone and does not respond to anything I say to him, apart from the occasional grunt. The DGC are also IMO too much on screens though if Dad is not there I do distract them with 'real playing' which they usually enjoy.

DGS at age 11 however disappears to the bedroom onto his phone and curls himself up onto the bed for hours at a time. I worry about his posture and the inevitable weight gain.

DGDs aged 6 and 9 rarely play games but watch horrible American u tube stuff about teenagers being nasty to each other, and an emphasis on make up and boyfriends. I have listened to what is being said and honestly it is nothing but omg and words saying nothing much! When they play with their dolls this rubbish is constantly repeated and they are usually arguing and hitting each other (the dolls,
but occasionally the girls too!)

On the plus side the school has involved them in spelling and maths games which has helped them a lot. I hide my laptop and Ipad except to allow these games but then they sneak onto the other things unless I am vigilant! Their dad I can do nothing about!!

Lots of great suggestions from you all, thank you very much. I think I may have been over-reacting with this. Perhaps by being less stressed about this due to your encouragement and reassurance, we actually had a lovely evening with DD and the 3 GCs yesterday, and DH was much less grumpy than usual :-)
Thanks again
P60

Ubfortunatly we are out of touch thats what getting old means.
Every new generation that ever came abt thought their parents and grand parents were out of touch.Its the way of the world.we had our time .Now were hasbeens

My grandchildren eat total junk and play on phones and ipads. My son tends to put a stop to it but DIL is the same regarding food and lives on junk behind my son’s back. My 7 yr old gd mire or less lives on sweets. It’s awful.

Grandma2213

Their dad I can do nothing about

Oh how echo your feelings.

I