How often do you see local gc

Your post doesn’t make sense Agnurse, it’s all presumed ‘talking smacks’ where’s that come from My own interpretation is that if Diktats mother in law was Mother Teresa herself she would still be denied the grandkids because Diktak doesnt like her and has no intention of ever making a relationship with her, full stop

agnurse, most of us are commenting based on the (very few) facts we've been given. I don't know what pushing guilt trips or talking smack actually mean, but your judging that the OP's MIL is unsafe around children based on....well, nothing really....is a bit of a leap.

Look, for a quiet life, if there’s not some safety issue over the H taking the wee one a visit over there, it’s fine to just let them go and duck out of the visits yourself.

Does it feel good to feel unwanted? No, and it still gives me a twinge when I pack them off every other Sunday and I’m left at home like the giblets off the Christmas turkey.

But does it make my life easier to navigate? On the whole, yes. MIL might not be able to stand me but she shows interest in her grandkids, so no harm is coming to them. Whatever relationship they grow with her, as long as she’s not harming them, is something for them to develop independent of my heavy baggage.

I knew she hated me and I married her son anyway. Maybe that was a bad call. I don’t know. But we are where we are and I try to make the best of it. It’s not like this is the most important thing in my life.

HurdyGurdy

Then the question becomes, is MIL a safe person to have around children and is OP's husband prepared to support his wife?

If MIL is prepared to push guilt trips on people in front of the kids, she may not be safe. OP hasn't said as much, but if she's prepared to go against the parents' rules she's certainly not safe. If she starts talking smack about OP in front of the kids, she's not safe.

agnurse
"That's a rather naive statement. In Hubby's case, for example, he grew up well DESPITE his father's actions.
Young children should NEVER be left alone with someone the parents don't trust. EVER."

Yes, but the OP isn't saying that she and her husband don't want the paternal grandparents seeing the children. Only that she doesn't want to.

So presumably her husband has no issues with his parents seeing his children.

I see my older DGC 2-3-4-5 times a week depending on my DDiL’s shifts . I do most of the school runs and several overnights. I also take my holidays from work to fit in with school holidays so sometimes have them for entire weeks. I see the baby 3 or 4 times a week (sometimes more) as my DD lives not far from my place of work . They all think of my home as their own.

My three-year-old grandson has two full "Granna days" a week. The next two oldest (six and ten) come here three days a week for breakfast and after school, plus the youngest after pre-school on Mondays. Sometimes the 11-year-old comes here after school and, occasionally, the 13-year-old. I have even seen the 16-year-old in passing. We also have family lunches/barbecues/events, such as Gramps' birthday next Sunday – that one is chez nous, but others, such as recent Fathers' Day at absentdaughter's.

My ex in-laws lived in Australia so we only saw them 4 times in 39 years.
My father died when I was 17 so obvs never saw my children and mum lived 220 miles away so possibly every couple of months or less, depending on our plans. She died before Facetime and Skype became the norm.
My own GC and GGC live at some distance, three overseas, Dubai, NZ and America, so it's usually via social media.

Our eldest Grandson lives alot of miles away so we see him twice a year in the holidays: Easter and summer for about a week each time. His Mom and our second son don't live together. Our second lad is at home.

We have our other Grandson who lives local. We have him once a week to sit as both parents work so we do our part in the childcare duties.

They all come down for lunch about once a month on a weekend.

Our second Grandson is by our eldest son and DiL. I speak to our eldest son once or twice a week and when he comes down to drop our Grandson off and pick him up.

Young people have so much to do today I think that is fair enough. Ours are all are very good to us

If you don't like her, don't go.
Let your husband take the baby for a few hours.
Sit down and put your foot up.

If you don't trust your husband with his own child it's not your mother in law that's the problem.

Diktat is just using this again as a platform to vent her dislike of her MIL. She isn't at all interested in how often any of us get to see or visit our GC. She just wants to tell us how much she dislikes her mother in law over and over and over again. And in a few weeks, she'll post again with the same theme........ yawn

Diktat one day you may well be The MIL
I wonder how often you will see you your grandchildren.
karma and all that

Diktat, however much you try to wrap it up, you are being extremely mean to your kids, your husband, not to mention your own family. it really is time you grew up somewhat. You may well have given birth to these kids, but you certainly don't 'own' them. Learn to be kind to your hubby and inlaws. Learn to share you kids. after all, you really have no idea how long they will be here for, have you?

Is there a reason why you do not want your children to see their paternal grandparents?

Diktat I know what you asked ....but why?

But its not just YOUR baby Diktat its HIS baby too ,and he might well want to take it to see its GP's .

I asked how many times you see gc a month
Are you doing some research during your maternity leave Diktat?

Clearly some people see them a lot and some people not so much based on the responses.

That is quite a startling conclusion you have come to, I'm sure it will be well received when published.

I asked how many times you see gc a month.

Actually you asked how often our inlaws see/saw our children. That's the question I replied to. I asked way back whether our answers had been any help to you and you still haven't replied. What exactly was the point of the question?

I think you're bored with your own thread now.

I wonder if you are finding your maternity leave boring Diktat?
With a young baby I certainly would not have had time to waste on the likes of MN/GN !
Play with your baby instead, take him/her to the park or out to the country. Mummy hunched over her tablet ot iPhone is unfortunately what too many young children grow up with these days

So I ask you again...why did you ask Diktat, you know exactly what you are or are not prepared to do so what’s the point in asking on here you could get 200 replies telling you to to visit your mother in law but you would take absolutely no notice as you have your own strong, and controlling ideas, and a earthquake wouldn’t move you

I asked how many times you see gc a month. Clearly some people see them a lot and some people not so much based on the responses.

No way in hell would I send my baby over to mils without me present. Husband is free to visit her as much as he wants - his career keeps him busy so he doesn’t have much free time to go over.

Diktat, I am wondering what the point of the original post was, other than to stir up more DIL/MIL trouble, since you are spending your maternity leave as you choose anyway.

We live about five hours away from our GC and therefore only see them five times a year, usually for several days at a time. We make the most of it.

If you are genuinely seeking advice I would suggest that as you dislike your MIL so much you encourage your husband to visit his mum with GC as often as he wishes.I am sure MIL will be happy and love to see her son and GC and you can spend more time with your mum.Problem solved!

I HAVE read the posts ...but I am interested Diktat in why you posed that question ...what relevance does how often other grandparents see you grandchildren have to your arrangement which you have stated you are happy with? Others have asked why you bothered to ask and you haven't replied. Sadly that suggests that the unkind motives that others think are your reasons for posting similar to what you have posted previously, are correct! What a pity!