In-laws

Guests are like fish, go off after 3 days!. I sympathise with OP as I am not that keen on visitors but family you have to put up with. Hope for good weather and they go out, you don't have to go with them, you have a bad back. Also go and have a quiet lie down in your room especially when things get tough. You have your back as an excuse. It also gives your husband a chance to spend time alone with his son and grandchildren and talk about old times and maybe friends you don't know.

As for staying in the village, a couple and children, would be expensive.

I remember a post where the OP and husband were dancing around the kitchen as the visitors had gone, when the visitors walked back in as the had forgotten something.

DD and DS both live abroad (in different countries) and when we go to visit we always stay in a cottage or apartment so we are not always on top of each other. One lives in the US and the other in Thailand so a 3 day visit for example is a bit of a non starter. We visit their homes and they visit our temporary one but we all do our own things when we want to. Everyone keeps their independence and we don't get on each other's nerves too much! If they come back to the UK they tend to use our house as a base but visit old friends all over the place, which again gives us all our space.

I understand I'm odd,I see it from others responses on here all the time.We have had allsorts of people stay with us ,son in laws parents,exchange students, friends of friends who were coming from abroad that they couldn't fit into their house ,OH's cousins from Australia that he''d never met ,my cousin from Canada that I'd never met and I could go on and on ....I would never dream of asking close family to stay anywhere else but in our home for any reason ,thats just plain ill mannered

Of course we are all different when it comes to the feeling about family staying. However,the person whose views are pivotal has got to be Henanbien's husband!
He knows whether the 'family attitude' would be 'you must stay with us', he knows how much going over to 'the island' matters to his son & family, and he knows Henanbien's issues - both around her illness and feeling about 'visitors'.
My own feeling is that it is also up to him, as such an important person in both families' lives, to talk to his son. I would suggest an explanation around her illness (as much as she is happy with) and (if possible) an offer to pay for the accommodation.
Another possibility (which again would depend on finances and how Henanbien feels) would be for her to need a visit to her own family / friends / spa hotel on the mainland. Son & family could then visit father, and she would be spared their happy-clappiness!

Love your post, Nanarose!

It doesn't matter what the "family attitude" is. It's Henan's home and she deserves the respect to be able to issue invitations for when she wants overnight guests. If she never does than that is her prerogative.

Henan, have you talked to your husband about this intrusion? Would he be comfortable telling his son that you'd both love for his family to visit but would prefer they stay in the village?

I sympathise with the OP. I hate having people come to my home. It's my safe place.

That said the MIL has stayed twice but I was on edge all the time she was here and it took me a few days to recover properly after she'd gone.

What happened to the OP? Not been back for advice