Not allowed to see my beloved GS

Araabra An unnecessary and unconstructive comment that helps no one and certainly doesn't encourage reflection of any kind whatsoever on any aspect of the problem! Why are you doing this?

Granmary18 "Dawn1968 It seems quite telling that your son is agreeing with your daughter about serious allegations regarding 20 years ago." Of course, but I doubt self examination is in order. Why make an attempt to figure out where the problem is? Just blame the inlaw. And then have a pity party forevermore.

Dawn1968 It seems quite telling that your son is agreeing with your daughter about serious allegations regarding 20 years ago. Obviously we don't know the full story but presumably you and her father do .... I feel for you at such a difficult time and for your son and daughter too ...a lot of soul searching to come and that's so hard

Dawn you need to ignore Araabra Bibbity and others like them, they are from mumsnet and have very cruel & unkind things to save on threads that are meant for support for mothers 'cut out' of their beloveds lives, FOR NO REASON! MissAdventure is correct in you going on to 'our' page for support. Unfortunately, the threads seem to have split into 3, but you will quickly identify them. It is the 'in thing' these days to 'cut out' your loving parents & siblings, they get a badge of honour in doing so!

Beth61 "Nellie- I made the application. So pleased I did"

Good news, leave that sorted by authorities.

Well I m very happy for you what a terrible time but what hope for anyone else with estranged children and grandchildren
Was he pleased to see you ?
Poor little chap he probably went through a lot at the hands of that jerk It is very easy to get drawn into a controlled relationship however I m surprised he went quietly that's was unusual but lucky
Claire's law sounds a vital help plus the school

Anyhow, Dawn, I know this must hurt and I feel for you deeply. Fortunately, it sounds as if it only happened recently since you say it's "very raw." That may mean there is still a chance to fix this.

Yet, it is about stuff "from 20+ years ago. Why is it coming up now? What triggered this after 20 years?

You say dh "has done nothing wrong." Does that mean you feel you did? Have you owned this to ed (estranged daughter)?

You tell us ds "has taken her side." That sounds as if there has been some arguing over it? Maybe you shouldn't argue? Maybe if you just own your mistakes and say you're sorry that will bridge the gap a little?

Dawn, here's what seems to be the main support thread for estranged gps:

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1233880-Continued-support-and-fun-aspects-too-of-rebuilding-lives-after-estrangement-cant-believe-4-years-and-we-still-here-to-offer-help-friendship-and-support

Dawn1968 "My daughter is making some very serious accusations from 20+ years ago.My son has also taken her side so we don't see him either but he has a very controlling partner anyway."

The very serious accusations are probably your problem. When both your children are on the "same side" the problem is identifiable. You do know the issue. Explore the issue, without assuming veracity.

Dawn,
There are a few active threads on estrangement, not sure which is the most used at the minute
I'm sure you would find it helpful talking to the ladies that use them.

Hi.I am in a very sad position where I cannot see my grandchildren(. Boy 5 and girl 3).Reading comments on here has given me relief that I am not on my own.I am heartbroken as my husband and Ihave already missed out on birthdays and Christmas.The situation is very raw but is killing us.My husband especially as he has done nothing wrong and my GD idolised him.I don't know what to do.My daughter is making some very serious accusations from 20+ years ago.My son has also taken her side so we don't see him either but he has Avery controlling partner anyway.

Nellie - I live in Scotland where any concerned person can apply under Clare's Law but not sure about the rest of the UK. When I feel a bit stronger I am hoping to somehow raise the profile of CL. Not sure how but will think about it.

Hurrah! Thanks for the update!

Beth61 I had heard about the law but I was not sure if "third party" relatives could apply. Thinking about in the sort of cirumstances of the situation it is essential.
I was a SW before I retired. On one occaision we had contact from the police in one area who wanted our SWs to go with them to warn a family living in our area about a particularly nasty man who the grown up daughter and child had recently started getting involved with.
For the police to do that pro-actively you can bet he was an extremely nasty man.

Nellie- I made the application . So pleased I did .

Well done Beth and family. This story with its happy ending could prove so encouraging for another family finding themselves in a similar situation.
I feel for you as we might have had to face it too but my DD saw the light and allowed us to get her out of it.

Beth61 A Good result at last and to know that "Clares law" has come in very useful.

Were you yourself able to able to apply for a "Clares law" disclosure or did your daughter?

This is excellent news!

So glad dd was wise enough not to be lured back into his web! Some women are.

I think this goes to show that when a dd suddenly turns against her parents and COs all family, her h may be an abuser. Not always, but we can't rule that out.

An update to my update ......BF did not take rejection well. Because DD blocked his number he couldn't contact her so started sitting in his car outside DD's house. At first she didn't realise as he had changed his car . It was only when she realised that a car was following her that she discovered what he was doing and called the police ( who have been great). It has also emerged that he hit her a few times and threatened DGS. Both are receiving counselling. We have also discovered that he treated his previous GF in the same way and - sadly- I have no doubt he will be the same with future partners.

Thanks for the update, Beth! So glad all turned out well! Sorry you all had to go through this though.

Dd may want to get counseling to see why she was able to be controlled that way. It might help her learn to avoid it in the future. But that's up to her, of course.

Nice update.

Beth ? So glad that your DD and DGS are out of their toxic situation. Good that the school drew attention to a problem, not all do.
I hope the future holds good things for your family.

Beth I am so so pleased to read of your outcome to this horrendous time you have gone through and things are now back on track I know from experience that your DD had to make the decision herself and it would have taken a lot of effort for her to admit that she was wrong with her choice of partner but thank goodness she has seen the light and is back in touch with you,

Thank you for taking the time to update beth, your daughter and grandson have had an appalling time, as indeed have you all. Abusers are very clever and manipulate out of sight. I know you will be worried for your daughter and grandson but please take time to recover yourself. I am so pleased your daughter escaped. Best wishes to you all.