Daughter said they are going to emigrate!!!

Given your reaction, I don't think it's surprising at all that your child is emigrating

I went cold when I read 'we'll never forgive her' because it reminded me of my father, who began not forgiving me when I was around 17 and continued to not forgive me for the rest of his life. Eventually I gave up trying to please him, and didn't even see him during the two years before he died. Please tell your daughter what you've written above, so that she understands that you're worried and they can discuss their plans with you properly. Please don't drive her away from you, it'll hurt you both too much.

End of what? I totally get that you are devastated- but if they go, will you not forgive them and never see them again? Have you been having arguments because of Brexit, because you voted for, and they voted against- and it was very important to them and they didn't understand your own attitude to it?

End of - as said 'end of your relationship' - how truly sad and desperate. But you will be the ones suffering the most at the end of ... why spite your nose and make the situation worse? You'll be the losers, tragically.

Our own (adult) kids are also planning to move abroad because of Brexit - partly because they are so disappointed with the attitudes they've encountered- but also because they see no future for their kids there, and their business is being very seriously affected. Fortunately for us, it means they will probably move close to us.

Are you prepared to lose them totally because of your stubborness (?) and intolerance?

Try and be positive about this. Think of it as an opportunity to see other parts of the world. Even if you don't feel very adventurous, it's amazing where you will be prepared to go if you have the prospect of seeing the family.

Met so many young people from the UK this Summer who all said they fancied going to live in Canada, because of its much more open attitude, to foreigners seen as assets rather than enemies, and women, etc. And yes, all of them mentionned being so sick and disgusted because of Brexit and that they just didn't feel they belong in the UK anymore. You may poopoo and say it is ridiculous, but this is how many young people feel today and looking for an escape.

I wonder if there is s double Brexit element here- and if the parents, including OP, of the young family voted for Brexit- and there is tension there already because of it.

Well said, radicalnan

Apologise IMMEDIATELY and start saving to vist them

Goodness me, you sound so dramatic as a family. Brexit ??? That is neither here nor there in the overall scheme of things, they are being melodramatic.

Now if they said Canada is beautiful and offers new opportunities that would be a reason but Brexit?????? I don't know wh ether to laugh or cry for all of you.

Seems to me that there is a morbid undercurrent going on. Ditch it asap. or you will all lose those family ties that are a ll there is really.

They are flouncing off due to Brexit and you will 'never forgive them'...........you guys must seriously want to be alone and miserable.

I can't see that Canada is going to do well out of this, they may go and come back........be sure not to resume this dramatic over reaction to nonsense.

They could well stay here and find the EU implodes anyway, what would that gain them. Never forgive ? I would forgive mine almost anything........unless they were wilfully cruel.

Sit and fester all you like and you will be the poorer for it. As for the promised land??????????

The world is an increasingly small place and so many young families leave the UK to explore it. My son and his family have lived in the Middle East for over 3 years. I miss my three little granddaughters a great deal, but using Skype and WhatsApp has been a lifesaver and when I do see them I enjoy every minute. They have a wonderful life with so many opportunities and it would be very selfish to deny them that. I do understand how sad you and your wife feel at the moment, Gardenmann99, but believe me you will get used to it. And hopefully you will be able to visit them in beautiful Canada. Don't risk the loving relationship you obviously have with your daughter.

Thank you for all your comments some I agree with others I don't. We are a very close family always have been on hand to help in so many ways, money / houses / holidays / outings live near each other we do the school runs, daily contact. Then out of the blue. "We hate the UK now especially after the brexit vote we are selling up and going to Canada.". Heartbreaking to us. End Of.

Gardenman, that was an honest post. I'm sure you knew it wasn't the right thing to say but we're only human. I'm on my own now since my partner died almost a year ago and if any of my children told me that they are emigrating, I think I would be beside myself with sadness. I hope I wouldn't tell them I would never forgive them but, hand on heart, I don't know what I would have said under the circumstances. I, too, was devastated by the Brexit vote but like-minded people shouldn't be leaving a sinking ship but trying to counter the ill effects and the bigotry it brought out in some people.
I hope that you will be able to visit your family and that whatever they decide to do, it will bring them happiness.

You have to let them make their own decisions and make their own mistakes and support them in all they do. If you really love them you will let them go. We moved to Holland many years ago when our daughter, my parents only grandchild was 4 months old, and my parents were not happy but they wished us well and supported us. I have always loved them for that and when we came back to the uk they moved nearer to us and I cared for them.
You should bring up your children to have wings so they can fly!

Deep feelings, yes Rox2323, but if I am asked How would I feel, I will say how I feel.

I think this illustrates the perils of putting deep family feelings on an Internet forum. I also think the OP's daughter will know of the strong love her mum and dad have for her children, and she will understand.

Gardenman, I hope you and your wife will b able to come to terms with whatever happens, and that, given time, you begin to feel less hurt. The love we have for our grandchildren is amazingly strong. I wish you and yours the very best.

Don't forget everyone that the poor OP only just heard this news yesterday. He jumped on to GN to vent his completely understandable distress. I'm sure he'll now have had time to get used to the idea. Give him a break. As I said his DD will know what he's like: a man- speak first think later!

Good post Daphne. Our DS and DIL apparently settled here with house and good jobs decided to go to OZ, where they immediately had resident status.
We were naturally upset, but cheerfully wished them well.
Like other posters, behind the scenes were many tears. We were fortunate to be able to visit, Skype and phone.
Their life was living the dream, beautiful apartment overlooking the Pacific, great weather, good leisure facilities etc.
But they returned after 2 years, they missed the families: the happy and sad family events that they could not join in with. It does not mean that they will not go elsewhere or even back to Oz in the future, but it is their future and we must respect it.

It's the emphasis on never forgiving the young parents for "taking the grandchildren away from us " though jane. Yes, heartbreaking, but a family can be just as riven even when living on the same street as another thread shows us regularly.
If you love your children you have to be prepared to make sacrifices for them I am sure we would all agree. Express your sadness by all means, be honest about how you feel, and who knows, they may change their minds when they have thought it through. But knee-jerk reactions rarely lead to wise decisions.
My German grandparents saw their daughter leave for Scotland shortly after the war to marry an "enemy" stranger - they may well have thought they would never see her again. How many Americans have Irish ancestry because the potato famine drove those who were fit enough, to seek a new life across the Atlantic in very hazardous conditions. And goodness knows how many Scots have relatives all over the globe, especially Canada, Australia and New Zealand from the widespread emigrations in the 19th century and in the days when it was akin to going to another planet!
I too would be devastated especially as DH would be unable to visit them but I would hope that they would want to visit us as often as they could -assured of a loving welcome.

When we were expecting our first son we went to Jamaica with my husband's insurance job. My mother was an emotional woman and cried loads when we left. She never, ever said " don't go", that must have been very hard for her.
We came home every year and she came out once with my father despite a terror of flying.

She wrote every Friday and I still have all her letters nearly 40 years later. We had to book a phone call for Christmas Day which cost a fortune. Now we have Skype, mobiles, computers, viber....the list is endless.

Let them enjoy their adventure. We came home after 6 years to our loving parents who were thrilled. Be generous to your daughter, she knows what you must be feeling and worries about it. Don't make that worse for her. Be happy for her.

Looking at it from the other side, if I had said to my parents that we were moving abroad and they said "That's fine, its for the best et etc" I'd have been very hurt. I would expect at the very least some token resistance. At least the OPs DD knows he really loves and cares about her in an overt way. She'll know what he's like and that he's likely to blurt out how he feels. Give him a break ladies!

TBh I would be totally and completely devestated as I have looked after
My DGC since they were all
tiny. I would try not to let my feelings show and wish them well, although I would know (short of them coming home) I would probably never see them again and that would break my heart.

I would feel grateful that I had raised a child who was adventurous enough to take their family off to try life elsewhere. With the way things are in this country now for young families it doesn't encourage anyone to stay. Good luck to them and I hope they enjoy the experience. It's their life to live and certainly not for anyone else to dictate what they do.

caretaker also chimed in with the thread that was deleted if I remember correctly. The swinging one?

We were in the same position as Gardenman about 15 years ago - DS moved to USA - at that time they had one son and subsequently had a second. Just before they were due to leave there was a party for them and DiL father asked how our side of the family felt about them moving. The reply they received was that no one actually wanted them to go but totally understood their reasons and had decided that we would regard it as a holiday destination. DiL had a very tough time from her family and told all sorts.
Everybody goes to visit but each time her family goes someone causes a problem by telling her she needs to be home and how are they going to manage etc etc - this also from her sister who lives very near the parents. All it does is cause bad feelings and a spoiled time together. DS is well aware that his sister and I would far rather he lived much nearer but he has a good life and is doing a job he could not do in UK as there is not the same level of opportunity there.
Be happy for them - wish them well and start saving! We go for longer breaks now we are retired - factor in the cost of a hire car and a few nights in hotels and while we are there we go on a little road trip of our own and we usually do a short duration one all together. Face time is wonderful and you can keep up to date with things.

I can only imagine how I would feel as both my DDs are relatively close. Initial sadness, possible despair, hopefully leading on to acceptance. Later looking in to opportunities to visit them or them coming back to visit. Very hard but doable. Certainly not a case of not forgiving, far too harsh a response imo. The religious quote, is that significant?

Absolutely out of order caretaker. "Rude" is one thing posters have NOT been, many have not only said how they would feel but what they*have felt* and currently feel in exactly his/her position. Empathy and sympathy don't get much closer.
The only difference is that they/we all feel that you can't FORCE your grown up children to stay nearby, there are such things as freedom of thought, being permitted the responsibility for their own children and their life,not to mention job opportunities, I could go on. This is not worth breaking up the family for.
I am reminded of the Victorian stereotypical father decreeing that the errant daughter's picture be "turned to the wall" and the black sheep never spoken of again.