Grandma, where's Mummy gone

I would suggest putting little one in their prom/buggy and taking them for a walk leaving Mum in the house then Mum leaves while you are gone . It worked perfectly with a grandson who lives abroad and didn't really know us at all he was older but he was fine for the rest of the day.

Tell him the truth that his mum has gone to work. I have a litle piece I chant with my GS (now 20 months). It goes "Daddy's gone to work, Mummy's gone to work, * (his big sister's name) has gone to school. ***(his name) stays with Granny. When I say the last words I always squeeze him and give him lots of kisses. It breaks up any upset feelings and has him giggling away in moments. Once I start he keeps saying "Again". We always wave goodbye and I then look out a favourite toy or book to keep him busy. Good luck. It is tiring but so much fun and so rewarding.

When eldest D's was a little one (he is actually 38 today ) we found that he preferred "leaving" rather than being left.

To explain, if my mother was looking after him, he was far better if she collected him from our house, rather than us dropping him off at hers.

I think it might be that if he left us, he would think that we were staying where we were, I.e. at home, but if we dropped him off and walked out of the door, he couldn't "place" us.

Does that sort of make sense?

I looked after GS1 from 6 months and don't remember it being much of a problem. GS2 was a year old and he hated Mummy leaving. He would go into the bedroom and scream. After about 15 minutes he would decide that someone had to look after him so it would have to be me and the rest of the day would be fine.

They are all different and respond in different ways.

We found that it was good to have the child visit lots before the day of leaving came. My DGC came round a lot with their Mums and got the lie of the land - knew where the toys and the books were - and where the biscuits were hidden!

With both of one of my DD's children they started to come to me individually one day a week at about 10 months, and to start with they were a bit wan, but by then I knew which of our toys was likely to be a hit, so I would get that out and sit with them to play with it. Both spent the first couple of hours of the first day sitting on my lap with a toy I knew they liked....then they gradually ventured further afield....and now!....I wish they would just sit on my lap!

It is good to have some familiar things that they always bring with them - cups, soft toys, snacks etc.

They have settled fine now - but they are exhausting in a big way!

My grandson went through a stage of crying for his Mum when he was much that age and we were babysitting. We soon worked out that as long as he didn't see the front door (that he obviously knew had something to do with the folks' disappearance) he was fine.

He has several favourite spots around my house and he heads straight for them when he gets here - usually involving turning knobs (washing machine) and pushing buttons (stove timer and Sky box). Once he has done the rounds of button pushing he heads for the toy drawer. He is 2 now.

He also loves fridge magnets.

Good luck.

I will certainly bear that in mind, they will be leaving a stroller at my house for the nap lulling walks morning and afternoon, a few mins hopefully will be enough to distract while the car disappears.

By the way you lot, as well as being a new Grandma I am new to Gransnet. Love it!

Well she's not going to be sparking that at 10 months!!
My DGS aged 1 used to just wave bye bye mummy/daddy the morning I used to look after him before he went to nursery.
I you have her for short visits now? If not, time to start!
Bye bye then something she enjoys to distract her should be fine at her age, a book, music, a favourite toy/duplo, bricks or some sort of other floor activity. What time will it be? What is she doing the other days? Nursery? Take a lead from them perhaps.
It will be fine!

"Sparking"????? Where did that come from?
Saying that.......
Sorry!

Do they live nearby? Or near enough for frequent visits between now and September?
Do you have your toys/books ready? And is your local park near enough?
Ooh so exciting. . . .but you have to judge how DGC is, for example, when Mummy goes out of the room even to start with before deciding how to say "Mummy's at work" whether at their house or yours. I personally, at that age, wouldn't have DGC see Mummy leaving.
Just distract him/her with an exciting toy at the time and then, if upset, perhaps scoop them up into pushchair and off to the swings!

Used to tell my daughter to walk out backwards. That worked .

We actually had the opposite problem, near-hysterical tears when she was going home!!!
We've had babysitting duties from early days and other than complete exhaustion on our parts, no other problems. Our house looks like a very untidy playroom right enough but we wouldn't miss it for the world!

Welcome monkey and congratulations on becoming a gparent you cold start having GC for short periods now . When mummy goes to work get child to wave and say mummy going to work give a cuddle then get on with enjoying the day .

Hi Monkey63 Welcome to the mad house

From childminding days and when first looking after DGC I found that it was always best to always go to a window to wave goodbye cheerfully to mummy, most babies are good at waving. I feel it's more honest and helps the child trust you better rather than having mummy just disappear. If your window gives a view of mummy leaving by car ask her to flash the car lights as a good bye too so you can distract baby by watching the lights as well as waving. Then have something fun/fascinating immediately to hand to help distract, even if it is just turning a tap on and splashing water around in the washing up bowl! I agree with others that if you can have a few practice sessions first with mummy leaving for short periods waving goodbye then returning it helps them know that mummy does come back too. Also be aware that some children can seem to "punish" mummy on her return at the end of the day by turning their back on her or just ignoring her. It is hard for these mums as they expect an excited welcome home having been thinking about their child all day. If this does happen, encourage mum not to take it personally, it is all the readjustment happening for the child in their accepting the change of carer and is perfectly normal. This phase really doesn't last long, but can seem so hurtful. Oh but you will have such fun and they can have fun with the simplest of things: saucepans and lids, getting plastic food containers out of a bigger box, well getting anything out of one container and putting it in another or all over the floor seems fun apparently! Charity shops are brilliant for getting toys and books. Enjoy this special time - somehow they just grow up too quick!

My little granddaughter [18 months] is fine when her mum leaves, but has started to get into a terrible temper with her when she returns. She just seems to be very angry with her. And yet she's happy as anything all day, and incredibly well behaved. It's the same when she's at nursery. Poor mum is really upset about it. I don't remember my grandson being like that, although he did go through a 'not liking daddy' phase when he was about two. Interesting what you say Grannaby; I'll tell DIL. Does the phase last long?? I know when mine were little phases, at the time, seemed to last forever but, in retrospect it was only for a few months.

From when my g'dtrs were little I have always made sure we stand in the front garden / front door and wave Mummy away, calling, 'See you later, Mummy,' then they soon get the idea that Mummy will return at some point. Follow that with something distracting - drink, tickle, playing, singing, even changing a nappy - anything to grab their attention, and before you know it they are over it. Trick is, if they do cry, don't get flustered because they sense that and just get more upset.
Now that they're a little older I always make sure they know the plan for the day / night, so they are always clear about when they will be going home. Seems to work.

I agree with Phoenix, it's far easier for a child to accept being away from mum if you collect them from home and mum waves them good bye from the doorstep. As far as the child is concerned they're going out for a good time while mum is still safely at home. Then, after two or three visits you can change to your GC being dropped off if this is more convenient.

This applies to grand-dogs as well I find!

I agree that the child, whatever age, should know that Mum/Dad have gone out. The first few times they may be a bit upset but quickly realise that Mum will come back. Honesty is the best policy!

Yes, I agree with Phoenix, and I think it was something that Penelope Leach recommended. I feel very strongly that the parent shouldn't just "disappear" I think that must be unsettling for a child and could lead to trust issues.
Good luck! I hope you enjoy it - keep eating spinach!

At the time I rather resented the early half hour drive at 6.45 to collect no.1GS, 8 months old at the time, but he was used to coming home with me for an hour or two several times a week - difficult birth, difficult baby, mum needing a break - so it was no big deal for him. Much bigger deal for me as he never slept more than 35 minutes at a time during the day wherever he was but it was the best thing I ever did and he and I have such a special relationship. I can't add to the heaps of good advice above. Visit as often as possible in the next weeks would be my best suggestion.
I now look after no. 3GS and we watch the cars go by and we hear the trains and I talk about all the mummies and daddies going to work and how they look forward to coming home to their little boys and girls and he joins in the conversation and is at ease with it.
Good luck Monkey 63. It may be rocky for a while but the relationship you will build together is priceless.

Yes I have found its best for Mum to wave bye bye- they may be a bit upset but mostly get over it very quickly with distraction. However even though they are happy all day, when Mummy returns excited delight turns to hysterical tears if she disappears again eg to go to the loo! I have seen this pattern with three of them at about 18 months. However another grandchild at about 2 was hysterical for about 15 mins when his Mum went but then seemed to suddenly decide crying was gtting no result and that hed better put up with me!

Tegan how long do phases last? No idea! Yes when you are in them they last forever, but I never notice when they pass till they are well over! Children change so much from week to week and you suddenly realise that they have stopped one behaviour but I couldn't tell you how long ago. I am sure your DGD will stop taking it out on mum soon and if mum realises what is happening, can try to ignore it and stay calm I am sure it will help.