special days cause so much trouble

He-he, Elegran. Your cynical (and entirely true) post made me laugh. I usually get a card from each of mine (children, that is) but we don't go overboard. I, too, am very cynical of the likes of Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Aunties' Day, Cats' Day, Estate Agents' Day, Hospital Consultants' Day......etc etc.....goes off into rant.....all Americanised rubbish.......

(Just hope I have put the apostrophes in the right place or I will be in trouble.)

Every day is Card Manufacturers' Day. They issue posters to the card shops to make sure that we don't miss the latest reason to buy.

Sorry to disagree with many of the above, but it must be the Irish in me. We're a over sentimental race, love our Mammies and have an 'any excuse for a party' take on life

We love our mammies too, anya and love a party, but we don't all need to be told by Hallmark and the media that we must show our appreciation by remembering them on a certain day.

If people are getting upset because that day has not been marked, then they set too much store by outward appearances, and not enough by real permanent affection.

I'd be happy with an old sock on Mother,s Day but I wouldn't want to be forgotten altogether. It really is the acknowledgement that counts and the lack of it that must hurt, I think. (Having said that - I'm glad I got chocolates!)

That's it in a nutshell rockgran

The irony is I've just had an indignant text from DS saying he tried to ring me to wish me Happy Mothers' Day and no one answered the phone '

"It's the acknowledgement that counts" is exactly right. Some of us have that acknowledgement on lots of days. A special day for that acknowledgement is simply not felt to be necessary. In addition I think that labelling a certain day as the one for that acknowledgement is, to a certain extent, emotional blackmail (by the businesses that cash in on it), pure and simple.

'A special day for that acknowledgement is simply not felt to be necessary ' by you. Actually I think that you've missed the point that many of us as trying to make. Just because you haven't had that acknowledgement and it doesn't bother you bags spare a thought for other who are perhaps not as tough skinned as you are.

Their 'sob stories' as you termed them are their ways of trying to come to terms with their situation. You may see it as a sign of weakness or whatever, but many of us actually sympathise with them and are grateful that our own family lives are happy.

I feel for those who are not getting love from their families, for whatever reason. These are the ones who post in tears on other days in the year.

But what I was saying - and I think Bags too, and FFinnochio - is that if you are only getting that acknowledgment on one day of the year, it is frankly not worth very much. And if you get the love for the other 364 days, you don't need ritual acknowledgment on one day.

It is not a question of being tough-skinned. My skin is as sensitive as anyone else's when I am being hurt, but not receiving a card on an arbitrary day is not something that pierces it.

But it does 'pierce' some people's heart that is my point.

Anya Very true.

Elegran The fact that there are 4 threads about Mothers Day shows that rightly or wrongly it does mean a lot to many people.

I'm sure those of us who are lucky enough to have thoughtful loving offspring, today and any other time of year can feel for those who don't.

On the contrary, anya, I have had that acknowledgement very often and that's why until this morning I didn't even know it was Mother's Day today. I don't think I'm missing any point. If my offspring never gave me "that acknowledgement" I daresay I'd mind as much as anyone, just as they might mind if I didn't give them "acknowledgement" where due.

And what elegran says is spot on. Again.

I feel sorry for anyone whose heart is pierced by their offspring at any time. That is sorrow, not pity. But that does not bar me from saying how I feel about this day or any other day.

Quite simply, I'm agreeing with the OP's choice of thread title. Yes, fabricated, confected "special days" do cause a lot of trouble. There is sympathy in that sentiment not thick-skinnedness.

So you didn't have that acknowledgement on this special day Bags or you would have known it was Mothers' Day.

It is not always about you . Of course you have your views, and express them quite forcefully. Elegran too has her opinions and expresses them rather more kindly.

Fine.

But have you ever considered that you might make a bad situation worse for others who don't have the same philosophy as you?

Anya I have to inform you that in my opinion IF you get love and acknowledgment from your children all year but they miss out sending you a card on Mothers Day - then to be pierced to the heart for THAT and even more, to TELL them that you are pierced to the heart, is needy and manipulative behaviour.

It is very nice to get a card to thank you for anything - being a mother included. but to NOT get a card is not the end of civilisation as we know it, Jim.

On the other hand, if their lack of contact pierces your heart already, then that is a separate problem, and nothing to do with the "Special Day"

I have no problem with honestly expressed opinions and philosophies which may or may not coincide with my own.
It's personal attacks and sly digs that I find unpalatable.
Just saying.

I have not said anything unkind, anya, and I am not elegran. She has her own style, as do you and I. If you interpret what I've posted on this thread as unkind, that is a problem for you of your own making.

Like galen, I'm now going out to play with my bow and arrows. I hope as many people as possible have as a lovely a day as they could wish, whatever the day's name is.

Luckily I'm not in that position Elegran and I wouldn't tell anyone they are exhibiting 'needy and manipulative' behaviour because I've never walked in their shoes.

Thankfully.

I think we're more in agreement than some of our earlier posts would indicate inasmuch we might agree that if you don't get much acknowledgment that you even exist from your children generally, the lack of even a card today can seem like the end of the world ... as we know it, Jim

I agree totally Jane

Yes, Anya, it is the overall relationship, or lack of it, that causes the pain. The lack of one card is the last straw.

If all is well for the rest of the time, not being acknowledged on that one day is small beer.

I'm with you, elegran and bags. I almost feel an element of blackmail from MiL at times on the subject. As a mother of a young child going to live nearby to my inlaws, I never once had what my own idea of how a Mother's Day should be, because we always had to do what she wanted, or she would sulk. So I can see how ethel's DD's dilemma came about. It just isn't worth the energy, when you already have very little, to go against it.

And yes, just as someone mentioned in another thread, I do make sure my own mother has presents and cards, even though she was a pretty dreadful mother. It's out of guilt for thinking that of her. All of my sisters do the same.

My DD has an amazing MiL living nearby to her, I think DD appreciates her far more than her own DS ever shows openly, but I know he loves her dearly, just isn't all that good at buying her things.

It doesn't help that mothers day has grown out of all proportion, just like Valentines Day, Easter and Halloween. I agree with Elegran - the card manufacturers and supermarkets have a vested interest in turning these days into massive consumer bonanzas. Those other moments that make me feel appreciated are the ones that stick in my memory. There's a drawer in my bedroom with little hand made notes and cards from the children, along with bits of gifts like a painted paper box that contained one Kinder egg - I can linger over those and enjoy them without needing a Hallmark card or a big gesture. My mum and gran used to ask us not to make a fuss over these 'specal days' and now I get it, too. Fine for those who want these special days, but I could do with a rest from them. They seem to come thick and fast, what with birthdays, Christmas, births, deaths and marriages - a quiet weekend for me, please.

I know a few couples who have to split up for the day and take out their respective mothers. Even though they are parents themselves, just to keep the grandmothers happy. I find myself wondering how it came to that. I also know a few who end up having to separate for Christmas. Others refuse to go to either, just to keep things 'fair'. Whatever the solution, someone loses out. If both of you have a big family all wanting a piece of your time, you can end up not wanting to see anyone at all, no matter how much you like them. I've often prayed for a quiet Christmas. I've only ever managed three since I left home, all as a direct result of having moved.

I would love to completely wipe out all designated holidays, to be honest. The stress they induce is sometimes barely tolerable. I can see it in others even when not feeling it myself.