Tantrums

My DS2 had a tantrum all the way round Asda once when he was about 2 and a half. I think I tried to ignore him, but how can you ignore a toddler in the trolley seat, bawling in your face? The good news is that he outgrew it and as far as I know doesn't have tantrums any more - he is 40 after all - though he can be a moody b****r at times!

I don't think it makes any sense to worry about what people think as most of them will be parents and understand what is going on. When I have seen such behaviour in the supermarket I have taken more notice of the way the parent deals with it than the behaviour of the child.

I think at 3 1/2 a child is old enough to understand that different rules apply in different places so Ingrid just enforce your own rules in your own house, and be consistent, that is the most important thing a child needs. Good luck

I guess if they are too small to pick up, walking away and standing by the door might be work (as long as there is a single entrance)
It's like dogs - if they think they are engaged in a battle to be leader of the pack they are not happy. If they know someone else is in charge, they can relax.

I'm afraid if my children had tantrums in public then I used to ignore the onlookers and deal with the child in the same way as if we were at home. I sometimes think of tantrums as a child's experiment to test the boundaries, especially in public. 'Giving in' was never an option for me, but I've seen many a mother driven to doing just that by worrying about what 'people' are thinking. A tantrum isn't nice to watch and listen to, but it's infinitely worse if you're the harassed mum trying to deal with a toddler tantrum in a public place.

The woman who lives next to my DS and wife has a difficult 3 year old - he refused to get into his clothes for nursery so she took him in his p.j.'s ! I don't think he's done it again.
Ignoring it at home is fine but what about a public tantrum ? I has seen kids scream with rage all around our large supermarket to the distress of other shoppers. Perhaps leave the shopping and leave the shop, or shop on a day when the child is elsewhere could be the solution. Though this is not always possible. Often the rage seems to stem from the fact that the word 'no' has been used. I've seen children munching down on crisps and sweets just because mum can't be bothered to set ground rules.I used to give a mini-lecture to mine before any shopping - you are rewarded for good behaviour not bad.
My DD used to throw herself on the floor with rage, so we used to walk away, she then followed us and more rage - we moved again, eventually she got fed up

and threats dont work. You have to follow through or they suss out your weakness.

Ignoring is the best approach, but has to be done through gritted teeth. Also apply the impossible choice technique. Give them two choices that suit you which they do not like. They are forced to choose one! Works every time if you are firm. Either take off your pyjamas or go to school in them.... your choice. Do not get emotionally dragged in ot they win.

Brilliant!

Brave woman!

My DGC are still prone to an occasional tantrum (7,4,4)..they have never got what they wanted! However now we all dutifully ignore and carry on regardless!

little girl at DGDs school arrived one morning in her nightclothes because she had refused to get dressed..mum carried on regardless , leaving the house etc and her daughter had to trot along behind in her PJs! She has been in uniform since then!

Yes 3.5 is quite old to be having tantrums. You sound at the end of your tether.
Ignoring is the very much the best thing. If he gets his own way by having tantrums he will carry on having tantrums.

Well the rule with tantrums (as I am sure you know) is ignoring them wherever possible. Are they ignored at home?

I can understand that you feel you cannot cope any more - it sounds dire!

You need to have your rules in your house or when you are in charge. It is so difficult if his own family respond differently as you will have a battle on your hands. Maybe taking a stand as you have will make your DD realise that she needs to take this problem in hand and deal with it.

Good luck!

Perhaps she'll take him in hand?