Clingy child

Thank you all for your comments, advice and tips. Distraction does seem to help and we shall persevere. Despite the clinginess we cannot wait to have her stay next weekend and we shall enjoy every moment. Many thanks once again.

Sometimes a child reacts better if they are leaving the parent at home as opposed to being left by the parent at school or nursery. I had a friend who I shared the school walk with and her youngest daughter always caused a big scene at the school gate if she took the children but never if it was me - ran in fine - we solved that of course by her doing the collecting and me doing the taking. I found worked with my DD if she went to my parents in their car - waved happily to me- if I took her there she would not stay.

ClaraB, developmentally your granddaughter is old enough to be realising shes a separate little person and also that shes got a Mummy/prime carer, so she is missing her. Its a natural stage of development in many ways that just has to be 'weathered'. I used to get more worried when I worked in child care when a baby/toddler showed no such feelings.
Unfortunately it does sound as if shes not had a lot of consistency in her early months, I really do feel that babies do need a nice long time of just bonding with main carers, but life is not always like that.
She needs calm, gentle surroundings that she can depend upon. She needs consistency and structure so that she knows everything is as it should be. Once a regular regeme is in place and she feels secure I am sure she will settle down.

I think it is just a fact that a baby of ten months needs to have Mum or Dad to hand. How can you explain to child of that age that mummy will be back soon? What does 'soon' mean to her?

It's a fact of life today that there seems to be a need for children to be left at a very early age. That fact cannot change the way that babies feel.

She may get better at being left with you, her grandparents, when she is a little bit older and she comes to really know you. But if she doesn't, try to not let it upset you. It's just not worth it. Love her from a distance.

And enjoy child centred retail therapy. You don't need the child close at hand for that.

alison yes I agree. I guess when I said comfort I meant distraction! I found sitting and playing away with the toys myself with crying DGD2 next to me worked eventually!!

Distraction is sometimes better than comforting, give that a go and see if it works. It did with my DGS.

Yes I agree with alison above that is exactly what is happening - the 10 month awakening"! gosh I am a seperate being from my Mum and not sure I like it! just keep being around and she will soon be OK. Wait until she is 20 and she will be just the opposite.

I echo Alison it is a stage of awareness that babies get to and they realise significant people are not around! Some babies just cry the moment they cannot see mum /dad even if in the same room. Calm reassurance will help over time. Having familiar toys /comforter etc will obviously help.
My DGD2 aged 3 still sometimes makes a fuss when going to nursery. She is perfectly OK once DD has left an has a great time! Her sister never batted an eyelid. They are all different . try not to get upset or worried. It is more reassuring for a baby if you are calm and very matter of fact when comforting them . Sometimes they have to cry it out, with you there smiling and playing away despite it all!!

Clara don't worry, this is perfectly normal. My DGS, now 25 months, went through this phase but got through it very quickly. I think it is what most of them do at this age.

His nursery sent someone out to their home to find out all about him and what he was used to before he went. Then he went for an hour with his mum and next time an hour on his own so that he was gradually introduced to it. He had a key person as his main carer so there was always someone he was comfortable with. He settled in very well and now when DS goes to pick him up he runs away and refuses to go home until his father reminds him he is going to see his baby brother and then he accepts leaving nursery.

I read recently somewhere (?) that around 12 months babies begin to realise when they are left by their mummies and obviously they don't know what's happening. I've noticed this awareness in my dgd (9 months).
She watches anyone in the family leaving the house, (school, work etc) but if mum goes to the front door to answer the bell or open the door, she starts to cry.
Your dgd has just lost her mum as she has gone back to work,and it must be upsetting for her. Some children are much more needy than others, my first dgd was terrible, and at 13 she is still a bit clingy!
You can only love and cuddle her, but I know how helpless it makes you feel.

I wish I could offer something more than sympathy, but my own second daughter cried more or less continuously for her first year, clung to me like a baby gorilla and demanded endless attention. In desperation, to save my own sanity, I put her and her older sister in a day nursery when they were 4 and 2 1/2 and started a teaching degree. She seemed reasonably content there, but she has remained incredibly demanding of my attention for the last 47 years! She came into my bed most nights until she was about 7.
My advice when they leave her at the nursery is to do it quickly - I know that young children often settle very well after
their parents leave.
I presume that her parents have explored all possible medical causes of her unhappiness - one of my gc turned out to be lactose intolerat and became much happier when they switched to non-dairy 'milk'.