Limericks (July 23)

I'm the only one who drinks gin
Do others consider it sin?
I'd be comatose
Or very morose
If I didn't share mine with Lynn

Lynn is my young sister in law

Lynn is my young sister in law
Married to my old brother in law

The winner got a bag of brazils
Which produced squirrely squeals of thrills

Lynn is my young sister in law
Married to my old brother in law
My poor mind’s confused

The winner got a bag of brazils
And tickets to see The Wurzels

(Sorry things seem to have gotten scrambled in this one. Probably my fault. Let's continue with Lynn.)

Lynn is my young sister in law
Married to my old brother in law
My poor mind’s confused
I hope I'm excused

Lynn is my young sister in law
Married to my old brother in law
My poor mind’s confused
I hope I'm excused
Oh, not by my mother in law!

Is family a normal thing

Is family a normal thing
Could be the result of a fling

Is family a normal thing
Could be the result of a fling
But now, here they are!

Is family a normal thing
Could be the result of a fling
But now, here they are!
Propping up the bar

Is family a normal thing
Could be the result of a fling
But now, here they are!
Propping up the bar
Oh God, now they're starting to sing!

The sounds they're emitting are awful

The sounds they're emitting are awful
The lyrics are oh so woeful

The sounds they're emitting are awful
The lyrics are oh so woeful
At karaoke

The sounds they're emitting are awful
The lyrics are oh so woeful
At karaoke
They're just oky-dokey

The sounds they're emitting are awful
The lyrics are oh so woeful
At karaoke
They're just oky-dokey
That action cannot be lawful

Uncle Frank had removed his clothes

Uncle Frank had removed his clothes
Oh good grief, just look at him pose!

Uncle Frank had removed his clothes
Oh good grief, just look at him pose!
Godiva he ain't

Uncle Frank had removed his clothes
Oh good grief, just look at him pose!
Godiva he ain't,
I'm feeling quite faint,

Uncle Frank had removed his clothes
Oh good grief, just look at him pose!
Godiva he ain't,
I'm feeling quite faint,
Had to offer one of my throws

Too late, the police just turned up

Too late, the police just turned up
Arrested them all, plus the pup

Too late, the police just turned up
Arrested them all, plus the pup
Who wasn't well trained

Too late, the police just turned up
Arrested them all, plus the pup
Who wasn't well trained,
Cop's trousers got stained

Too late, the police just turned up
Arrested them all, plus the pup
Who wasn't well trained,
Cop's trousers got stained
Please pour the tea, he needs a cup

Police cells are not very nice

Police cells are not very nice
Stay out of them, is my advice

Police cells are not very nice
Stay out of them, is my advice
The benches are cold