July 21 Limericks

So we'll always be together
Firm friends we will be forever
She’ll lie on my lap

So we'll always be together
Firm friends we will be forever
She’ll lie on my lap
While I take a nap

So we'll always be together
Firm friends we will be forever
She’ll lie on my lap
While I take a nap
And nothing our friendship will sever.

News broadcasts are getting bizarre

News broadcasts are getting bizarre
Crazy events from near and far

News broadcasts are getting bizarre
Crazy events from near and far
Seems a need to shock

News broadcasts are getting bizarre
Crazy events from near and far
Seems a need to shock
Perhaps we should block

News broadcasts are getting bizarre
Crazy events from near and far
Seems a need to shock
Perhaps we should block
And appoint a news czar!

I love to hear good news

I love to hear good news
More upbeat stories and views

I love to hear good news
More upbeat stories and views
No waste of space sport

I love to hear good news
More upbeat stories and views
No waste of space sport
Or fools that purport

I love to hear good news
More upbeat stories and views
No waste of space sport
Or fools that purport
To know how to walk in my shoes

I strutted around in high heels

I strutted around in high heels
I now have a blister that feels

I strutted around in high heels
I now have a blister that feels
As if it's on fire

I strutted around in high heels
I now have a blister that feels
As if it's on fire
They really are dire

I strutted around in high heels
I now have a blister that feels
As if it's on fire
They really are dire
Can anyone lend me some wheels?

Improving looks can be a pain

Improving looks can be a pain
Make-up goes streaky in the rain

Improving looks can be a pain
Make-up goes streaky in the rain
And as for my hair

Improving looks can be a pain
Make-up goes streaky in the rain
And as for my hair
It's cause for despair

Improving looks can be a pain
Make-up goes streaky in the rain
And as for my hair
It's cause for despair
A good look I just can’t attain

When I was young and innocent

When I was young and innocent
I asked my mummy what sex meant

When I was young and innocent
I asked my mummy what sex meant
"It's the number after five!"

When I was young and innocent
I asked my mummy what sex meant
"It's the number after five!"
She quickly contrived

When I was young and innocent
I asked my mummy what sex meant
"It's the number after five!"
She quickly contrived
So, back to my maths book I went.

Later, I found a secret book

Later, I found a secret book,
I fainted after just one look

Later, I found a secret book,
I fainted after just one look
I then peeked once more