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I've decided to play the piano
Though how well I'll cope I don't know
I stare at the keys

I've decided to play the piano
Though how well I'll cope I don't know
I stare at the keys
Then play do-re-mis

I've decided to play the piano
Though how well I'll cope I don't know
I stare at the keys
Then play do-re-mis
How soon can I play a concerto?

I think Hell might freeze over first

I think Hell might freeze over first
But let's not consider the worst

I think Hell might freeze over first
But let's not consider the worst
I might turn out to be

I think Hell might freeze over first
But let's not consider the worst
I might turn out to be
A real prodigy

I think Hell might freeze over first
But let's not consider the worst
I might turn out to be
A real prodigy
Your mother's heart with pride will burst.

We'll watch you play the Albert Hall

We'll watch you play the Albert Hall
From high up, you’re terribly small

We'll watch you play the Albert Hall
From high up, you’re terribly small
But the acoustics

We'll watch you play the Albert Hall
From high up, you're terribly small
But the acoustics
And all the old tricks

We'll watch you play the Albert Hall
From high up, you're terribly small
But the acoustics
And all the old tricks
Will make you look very tall

I’v e applied for a job on stage

I’ve applied for a job on stage
And I hope they’ll ignore my age

I’ve applied for a job on the stage
And I hope they’ll ignore my age
I’ll play any part

I’ve applied for a job on the stage
And I hope they’ll ignore my age
I’ll play any part
From princess to tart

I’ve applied for a job on the stage
And I hope they’ll ignore my age
I’ll play any part
From princess to tart
My pantomime dame’s all the rage.

I’ll then try the the Folies Bergère

I’ll then try the the Folies Bergère
I’ll dress up as my idol Cher

I’ll then try the the Folies Bergère
I’ll dress up as my idol Cher
And do the Can-Can

I’ll then try the the Folies Bergère
I’ll dress up as my idol Cher
And do the Can-Can
And stir every man

I’ll then try the the Folies Bergère
I’ll dress up as my idol Cher
And do the Can-Can
And stir every man
And then we will have une affaire!

My name will be known far and wide

My name will be known far and wide
I’ll be a big star full of pride

My name will be known far and wide
I’ll be a big star full of pride
Hysterical fans

My name will be known far and wide
I’ll be a big star full of pride
Hysterical fans
Reach out for my hands

My name will be known far and wide
I’ll be a big star full of pride
Hysterical fans
Reach out for my hands,
They don't know I'm so scared inside.

There was a young man from Dundee

There was a young man from Dundee
Who loved Arbroath Smokies for tea

There was a young man from Dundee
Who loved Arbroath Smokies for tea
With hot, buttered toast