Limericks with very strict rules (5) - 88558

Must get him a playmate, I guess
But would that make the carnage less?
Two's double trouble
My home would be rubble
And too much for me, I confess.

John has no patience with junk calls

John has no patience with junk calls
His language echoes round the walls

John has no patience with junk calls
His language echoes round the walls
He should just let it ring

John has no patience with junk calls
His language echoes round the walls
He should let it ring
Or start to sing

John has no patience with junk calls
His language echoes round the walls
He should let it ring
Or start to sing,
If I say "shut up", his face falls.

He really does love a good rant

He really does love a good rant
And genuine phone calls are scant

He really does love a good rant
And genuine phone calls are scant
So take my advice

He really does love a good rant
And genuine phone calls are scant
So take my advice
And perhaps think twice

He really does love a good rant
And genuine phone calls are scant
So take my advice
And perhaps think twice
He's behaving like an infant.

There's a saying, "guid folks are scarce"

There's a saying, "guid folks are scarce"
Most are full of graces and airs

There's a saying, "guid folks are scarce"
Most are full of graces and airs
But once in a while

There's a saying, "guid folks are scarce"
Most are full of graces and airs
But once in a while
They can make you smile

There's a saying, "guid folks are scarce"
Most are full of graces and airs
But once in a while
They can make you smile
And even forget all your cares.

My laptop is truly amazing

My laptop is truly amazing
So at it I'm always gazing,

My laptop is truly amazing
So at it I'm always gazing,
I waste lots of time

My laptop is truly amazing
So at it I'm always gazing
I waste lots of time
No reason or rhyme

My laptop is truly amazing
So at it I'm always gazing
I waste lots of time
No reason or rhyme
But sometimes it truly is blazing!

Ice skating is fun, so they say

Ice skating is fun, so they say
But when you often fall, no way!

Ice skating is fun, so they say
But when you often fall, no way!
I'll stick to dry ground

Ice skating is fun, so they say
But when you often fall, no way!
I'll stick to dry ground
Much safer I’ve found

Ice skating is fun, so they say
But when you often fall, no way!
I'll stick to dry ground
Much safer I’ve found
Think I'll try to stay upright today.

My cell phone's a pleasant diversion

Cell phone's a pleasant diversion
But oh, they don't like submersion

Cell phone's a pleasant diversion
But oh, they don't like submersion,
Don't take them swimming

Cell phone's a pleasant diversion
But oh, they don't like submersion,
Don't take them swimming
Or soon they'll be dimming

Cell phone's a pleasant diversion
But oh, they don't like submersion
Don't take them swimming
Or soon they'll be dimming
As water's a big aversion.

Young Lizzie was such a purist