Limericks 14

My other half wants to go swimming
To help with his post lockdown trimming
Just leave off the pies,
And stop adding fries

My other half wants to go swimming
To help with his post lockdown trimming
Just leave off the pies,
And stop adding fries
Just eat salad - it’s boring but slimming.

I’m fed up with being the cook

I’m fed up with being the cook,
I'd much rather be reading a book.

So I'm going on strike

SORRY! Confused again! forget that last line....

I’m fed up with being the cook
I'd much rather be reading my book

I'm fed up with being the cook
I'd much rather be reading a book
So I'm going on strike
And he can take a hike

I'm fed up with being the cook
If much rather be reading a book,
So I'm going on strike
And he can take a hik
And I'll go off and f!y my Chinook!

I'm a terrible lazy old slob!

I'm a terrible lazy old slob!
I never could hold down a job

I'm a terrible lazy old slob!
I never could hold down a job
I’d stay in my bed

I'm a terrible lazy old slob
I never could hold down a job
I'd stay in my bed
With an old a young guy called Fred

I'm a terrible lazy old slob!
I never could hold down a job
I’d stay in my bed
Acting brain dead

that sounds far more fun

I'm a terrible lazy old slob
I never could hold down a job
I'd stay in my bed
With an old a young guy called Fred

I'm a terrible lazy old slob
I never could hold down a job
I'd stay in my bed
With a young guy called Fred
Who knows how to make my heart throb.

Buit he's got a hot brother called Dave

But he's got a hot brother called Dave
For fun and laughs he went to a rave

But he's got a hot brother called Dave
For fun and laughs he went to a rave
He fell foul of the law

But he's got a hot brother called Dave
For fun and laughs he went to a rave
He fell foul of the law
So his Maw and Paw

But he's got a hot brother called Dave
For fun and laughs he went to a rave
He fell foul of the law
So his Maw and Paw
Said ‘Son, you’d better behave’.

But Dave was a stubborn young lad

But Dave was a stubborn young lad
And sadly a reprehensible cad

But Dave was a stubborn young lad
And sadly a reprehensible cad
With a girl in each town

But Dave was a stubborn young lad
And sadly a reprehensible cad
With a girl in each town
He’d continually let down

But Dave was a stubborn young lad
And sadly a reprehensible cad
With a girl in each town
He'd continually let down
His pants and his mum and his dad!

One day, on a walk with his dog

One day, on a walk with his dog
He stumbled across a hedgehog

One day, on a walk with his dog
He stumbled across a hedgehog
It was ever so prickly

One day, on a walk with his dog
He stumbled across a hedgehog
It was ever so prickly
Those spines dug in quickly

One day, on a walk with his dog
He stumbled across a hedgehog
It was ever so prickly
Those spines dug in quickly
Sending Dave on a very fast jog.

Dave hurtled past sweet Henrietta

Dave hurtled past sweet Henrietta
A soprano in the operetta