Gossip from around my way...

My cat never stops telling stories. Meow meow meow all day
She always has a long tale.

I need help, I think. I have an addiction to sleeping pills.. after a while, one didn't work so I took two, then........ zzz zzz ......zzz.. ...zzz....

My plumber has taken up a new hobby.

Tap dancing.

The prawn went to the clam's cocktail party.

He pulled a mussel.

I have kleptomania

When it gets bad I take something for it.

The man at number 10 is avoiding me. He said he had to have a steroid injection in his arm.

I asked "anabolic?“

He said “No! just my arm! “

My goat's just had babies.
I kid you not!

Me and some friends went to a fancy dress party dressed as woodlice.

It was so funny!
We literally rolled up!

My brand new deckchair broke when I sat on it.

I thought, that’s a pain in the a*

I just saw an ad on eBay ‘ radio for sale £1.00 , good working order but volume stuck on full.

I thought, I can’t turn that down.

I told my husband that he should embrace his mistakes

He hugged me

My neighbours cat keeps pooing in my garden

I posted it back through her letterbox. It was a bit of a catastrophe (cat ass trophy!)

"Norman, I want my own money!" I said.
"So I'm going to work at the tobacco factory" I said.

"So you can put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

Brilliant!

A lorry carrying Vicks Vapour Rub tipped over and blocked the road, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours

My friend gave up his seat on the bus to an old lady

Lost his job as a bus driver

Well, Sandra certainly wasn't happy about finding herself on the moving conveyer belt at the fish processing factory.

In fact, she was gutted.

To the thief who stole my anti depressants

I hope you’re happy.

Our local chemist has started to stock feminist products now.
I thought I'd give them a try, so I bought a tube of pink, smelly ointment.

Its called Germolene Greer.

My neighbour wears such short skirts she shows her knickers when she bends over.

Except when she’s with her husband Nicholas ?

My neighbour always takes a trunk on holiday with her.

She and the elephant are very attached.