EVEN MORE VERSATILE VERSE !

I've always wanted to be your Missus
So you can shower me with lots of kisses

I really want to be your runaway bride

I really want to be your runaway bride
So off to Scotland where we can hide,

We can eat haggis and drink Scotch whisky

We can eat haggis and drink Scotch whiskey
By the lochs where the air is misty

Nessie's lair may become visible

Nessie’s lair may become visible
Can we get a boat on the loch - is that feasible?

I have binoculars for a closer inspection

I have binoculars for a closer inspection
Just point me in the right direction

Oops I’ve just spotted a courting couple

Oops I’ve just spotted a courting couple
Let's not make their feathers ruffle

We'll move on to the other Loch

We'll move on to the other Loch
Where there's nobody our view to block

But hang on, did I just see Nessie?

But hang on, did I just see Nessie?
Or it could have been my lively Auntie Bessie

Swimming for all she was worth

Swimming for all she was worth
To the far shore heading north

I hope always to remember this very rare sighting

I hope always to remember this very rare sighting
She moves as quick as lightening

I tell the newspapers and make a scoop

I tell the newspapers and make a scoop
Aunt Bessie swims in a loop

They offer five hundred

They offer five hundred
Too little, I thundered!

It’s worth more as an exclusive

It's worth more as an exclusive
scoops like this are very elusive

You need to pay more for front page news

You need to pay more for front page news
Where it'll get hundreds of views

So pay up or I'll sell it to tv instead

So pay up or I'll sell it to tv instead
It's not front page news, go ahead

Aunt Bessie meanwhile is fuming

Aunt Bessie meanwhile is fuming
She can see a scandal is looming

The family’s reputation in tatters

The family's reputation in tatters
Oh dear, it is all that matters

Keep a lid on it, Bessie cries

Keep a lid on it, Bessie cries
She throws back her head and rolls her eyes

My Jack will kill me if he knows I’ve been messing

My Jack will kill me if he knows I've been messing
all made up and in my best togs dressing

She needs to find a good alibi

She needs to find a good alibi
Like saying she was learning to fly

"I was up in the air at the time" , she cried

“I was up in the air at the time” she cried
Easily checked and can’t be denied

Need to look for another suspect

Need to look for another suspect,
The clues are there, I do detect.

My cousin Flora is a good time gal

My cousin Flora is a good time gal
The things she got up to with her friend Val

They hitched a lift to a festival near Cardiff, Glamorgan

They hitched a lift to a festival near Cardiff, Glamorgan
Where lots of people sang and someone played the organ.

They wore wellington boots because of the mud

They wore Wellington boots because of the mud
Then needed waders as the rain turned to flood

So much discomfort and absolute misery