The Alphabet Bar ( all welcome!)

Zippety Doodah is on the juke box now, but as I'm a newcomer to this place I'm not sure if we actually have to undo our zips or our doodahs while it's on, and if so, how far do we need to go? Enlightenment from some of the old hands please?

As a matter of fact, Wheniwasyourage...it's a free for all. No holds barred. Good for a laff and all that nonsense.

Bit stuck here - my doodah is getting a bit tight and I can't get it undone. No wonder, it must be the Easter eggs that I've been panic-buying. If I bring them in here, will anyone help me eat them? Only a thousand or so, so no grabbing!

Creme eggs are rationed. Apparently some dear person has been arrested for overloading her trolley with all the stock. She's now awaiting an interview in the local police cell. I believe her name begins with 'W'. Don't quote me on that.

Did someone mention crime eggs? Ooh I love them. Send them over here.........oh hang on a minute ....I’ve given up chocolate for lent... can you save some (about 100) for me when ?. If you do, I will help you unzip your doodah. Hold tight now, I will just brace me feet and heave ? oops what happened?

Diet out of the window, then?

Definitely not eating them, I don't want to be charged as an eggcessary.

Anyway I have a few of my own stashed away, not telling you where. It's every man for himself!

Explosion, that's what happened! ?

Eggs? No eggs here, choccy or otherwise.This establishment is
All about vegan nosh ( trendy things always bring in the punters.)?

For heaven’s sake!
Put those eggs away, we don’t want any sulphurous fumes thank you kindly.?

Wot !!! No way lemon. Have you tried vegan wine? How many customers do you think we’ll have left.

Great Scott. I was so overcome with shock I skipped to the end of the alphabet ?. Are we having a lock in for the coronavirus lemon

Get with the (alphabetical) programme Doodle ?

Hee hee?

I think loads of alcohol kills the virus....so yes, we should stay here and do some hard drinking for a month or two.?????

Just a month or two? Hope the cellar is well stocked. Perhaps we should have a large bathtub of booze in the entrance so we can all soak off our germs inside and out as we come in.?

Korona Beer, this crate of rather wobbly-looking bottles says. Do you think it's a rip-off of a respectable brand, or is someone trying to make us think it's nothing to do with a well known problem something else? Either way, shall we give it a try? Drink it or sterilise with it, whichever you like.

And actually, soop, may I just point out that the eggs in question were Lindt ones, as I don't like creme eggs, so it must be someone else who is helping the police. [Flounces off]

Likely story Wheniwasyourage!
How will we know they are Lindt ones if you don't share with us?

Marty Wilde on the juke box

NO talking about the virus!!!

Nobody, NOBODY! Is allowed in the bar until they have dunked themselves in the bathtub of poteen that Doodle
( being useful for once) has kindly provided.
Chewy this is especially important for you if you come here after a shift at the sewage works.

Oh whenIwas that Korona beer is genuine knock off stuff that fell off the back of a lorry, so don’t worry.?

Puleese...let's maintain a weeny trace of decorum in this bar. I have had to step over countless comatose customers. All have been innocently tasting the poteen. I shall stick with Tequila from hereon. It has healing qualities.

Quite a lot of these eggs left, so here you are, and Marydoll and soop, I hope you're ashamed of yourselves for even thinking that I might have gone for creme eggs instead of these cute little Lindt ones. Just enjoy them while you're feeling guilty. At least, unlike the Korona beer, there was no lorry involved.

Right, time to top up the disinfectant bath with more poteen. I don’t know why the level has gone down so much...anyone would think someone’s been drinking it. Anyone seen chewy recently ??

Stone the crows! Chewy sunks her boots in that bath of poteen and somebody ( many bodies) have been slurping it?? we could get closed down!