Limericks 8

So he became a tuneful guitarist
With a job on the side as a florist

So he became a tuneful guitarist
But his fingers melted up to his wrist

So he became a tuneful guitarist
With a job on the side as a florist
Whilst playing a tune

So he became a tuneful guitarist
With a job on the side as a florist
Whilst playing a tune
He gazed up at the moon

So he became a tuneful guitarist
With a job on the side as a florist
Whilst playing a tune
He gazed up at the moon
And sadly he twisted his wrist.

My auntie's a dab hand at poker

My auntie's a dab hand at poker
She used to be a stockbroker

My auntie's a dab hand at poker
She used to be a stockbroker
So gambling's her thing

My auntie's a dab hand at poker
She used to be a stockbroker
So gambling's her thing
Be it ace, jack or king

My auntie's a dab hand at poker
She used to be a stockbroker
So gambling's her thing
At the slots, kerching !!!!!!! ££££££

My auntie's a dab hand at poker
She used to be a stockbroker
So gambling's her thing
Be it ace, jack or king
But never, ever the joker!

One evening in the casino

One evening in the casino
A talk dark and handsome man, Nino

My auntie's a dab hand at poker
She used to be a stockbroker
So gambling's her thing
At the slots, kerching !!!!!!! ££££££
Be warned - that's what broke her.

She now sits in her crumbling old cottage

One evening in the casino
A tall,dark and handsome man, Nino
Saw her skill at the table

One evening in the casino
A tall, dark and handsome man, Nino
Saw her skill at the table
Hi there. Are you Mabel?

One evening in the casino
A tall, dark and handsome man, Nino
Saw her skill at the table
Hi there. Are you Mabel?
Here's my friend, Rudolf Valentino

She now sits in her crumbling old cottage

She now sits in her crumbling old cottage
Frustrated 'cos the drain has a blockage

One evening in the casino
A tall, dark and handsome man, Nino
Saw her skill at the table
Hi there. Are you Mabel?
I think we should head off for Reno.

But auntie said "Not today sonny"

Ooop s
She now sits in her crumbling old cottage
Frustrated 'cos the drain has a blockage
Her acute sense of smell

She now sits in her crumbling old cottage
Frustrated 'cos the drain has a blockage
Her acute sense of smell
Made her feel so unwell

She now sits in her crumbling old cottage
Frustrated 'cos the drain has a blockage
Her acute sense of smell
Made her feel so unwell
Not the best thing in her dotage.

I think she should call Bert the plumber

I think she should call Bert the plumber
He sorted me out just last summer

I think she should call Bert the plumber
He sorted me out just last summer
He cleared out my pipes

I think she should call Bert the plumber
He sorted me out just last summer
He cleared out my pipes
Looking smart in his pinstripes

I think she should call Bert the plumber
He sorted me out just last summer
He cleared out my pipes
Looking smart in his pinstripes
Charged £250 - what a bummer!

Hermione loves tap-dance lessons

Hermione loves tap-dance lessons
She must have had over 50 sessions