LIMERICKS 5

There was a cool gran on a train
She was rich and incredibly vain
She travelled first class

There was a cool gran on a train
She was rich and incredibly vain
She travelled first class
With her V.I.P pass

There was a cool gran on a train
She was rich and incredibly vain
She travelled first class
With her V.I.P pass
And regarded the world with disdain

There was an old boy from Great Barrow

There was an old boy from Great Barrow
Whose house was incredibly narrow

There was an old boy from Great Barrow
Whose house was incredibly narrow
To take to those inside stairs

There was an old boy from Great Barrow
Whose house was incredibly narrow
To take those inside stairs
He had to say some prayers

There was an old boy from Great Barrow
Whose house was incredibly narrow
To take those inside stairs
He had to say some prayers
Plus dieting until he was the size of a sparrow

Pecking at delicacies proved his style

Pecking at delicacies proved his style
From fat and sugar he’d run a mile

Pecking at delicacies proved his style
From fat and sugar he’d run a mile
Just a small lettuce leaf

Pecking at delicacies proved his style
From fat and sugar he’d run a mile
Just a small lettuce leaf
With a maggot beneath

Pecking at delicacies proved his style
From fat and sugar he’d run a mile
Just a small lettuce leaf
With a maggot beneath
Little wonder he then suffered with bile!

Riding upon his red mobility scooter

Riding upon his red mobility scooter
Came Santa with a really red hooter

Riding upon his red mobility scooter
Came Santa with a really red hooter
A snowy white beard and a cheerful grin

Riding upon his red mobility scooter
Came Santa with a really red hooter
A snowy white beard and a cheerful grin
In his pocket was his flask of gin

Riding upon his red mobility scooter
Came Santa with a really red hooter
A snowy white beard and a cheerful grin
In his pocket was his flask of gin
Which he swigged while using his onboard computer.

Mrs Santa was home cooking dinner

Mrs Santa was home cooking dinner
Santa Claus gave up trying to be slimmer

Mrs Santa was home cooking dinner
Santa Claus gave up trying to be slimmer
With a venison stew

Mrs Santa was home cooking dinner
Santa Claus gave up trying to be slimmer
With a venison stew
And then tiramisu

Mrs Santa was home cooking dinner
Santa Claus gave up trying to be slimmer
With a venison stew
And then tiramisu
She served up an absolute winner!

There once sat an elf on a shelf

There once sat an elf on a shelf
He felt quite pleased with himself

There once sat an elf on a shelf
He felt quite pleased with himself
He said "whilst here I sit..."

There once sat an elf on a shelf
He felt quite pleased with himself
He said "whilst here I sit..."
"Exercising my wit"

There once sat an elf on a shelf
He felt quite pleased with himself
He said "whilst here I sit..."
"Exercising my wit,
On my posterior I won't get a skelf!"

I'm thinking of joining the army

I'm thinking of joining the army
My friends all think I'm quite barmy

I'm thinking of joining the army
My friends all think I'm quite barmy
But I know it’s just right