A meal for later

I’m fairly often away without dh - childcare elsewhere - he doesn’t cook* but happily raids Waitrose ready meals - Nasi Goreng is a favourite. Since retiring he’s always made his own breakfast and lunch - it’s just the evening meal.

*I know he could if he had to, but since he always worked very long hours, I never expected him to cook after he got in late, and it’s carried on after retirement. He invariably clears up the kitchen though - and unloads the dishwasher in the morning. Suits me fine.

I agree with leaving him to it, assuming he is in good health.
If he is hungry he’ll find something and won’t starve without a full meal now and then.

It's more likely to be the other way around here as my DH is a great cook. Much better than me. He's 77 soon.

A man of 74 who is not physically or mentally incapable of putting a meal together for himself (and for his wife) but cannot or will not do so needs to do some serious learning. I would not enable this ‘can’t cook’ mentality.

Wyllow3

I'm intrigued as to why women have taken this on for years of married life because I simply don't believe that someone cannot learn the basics. its "childing" them.

Just as its unwise as a wife to let your DH do all the financial stuff - you are being "childed". A man is no less a man for cooking and other caring stuff, and a women doesn't need to disempower herself by never knowing how to manage finances.

Quoted myself as it occurred that for some people the cooking for him or the money managing for her may represent "Caring".

ie, if the home situation is one where cooking food has been integral to the act of caring for a DH, then not cooking may seem like "not caring" even if its all unspoken and not the case.

I'm intrigued as to why women have taken this on for years of married life because I simply don't believe that someone cannot learn the basics. its "childing" them.

Just as its unwise as a wife to let your DH do all the financial stuff - you are being "childed". A man is no less a man for cooking and other caring stuff, and a women doesn't need to disempower herself by never knowing how to manage finances.

Excuse me - your OH actually expects you to prepare dinner 24/7 ?
Sorry, did that for decades , now in our 70's not a hope. I cook when I feel like it , which is fairly often admittedly, but no way would I even think I would need to leave dinner for him if I were going out.
Brucie Bonus, he now makes a great omelette !

Like other GNs here my advice is to leave your DH to cook for himself. Microwave cooking is easy (e.g. baked potato) and can be managed by children!

Sandye Mine is 84 and he's exactly the same, it doesn't really matter if its learned behaviour or not - this type of man has been brought up to be helpless in the kitchen and there are not many wives who achieve success in training them.
I often leave a stew in my little slo-cooker (but it took some time to train him to switch it off when he'd emptied it so I'd come home to a burnt-on residue.) He can just manage to open a tin of soup and heat it and to open the bread bin and eat some bread too. He can actually manage cheese on toast as long as the cheese is grated.
I plate cold meals like salads in warm weather and leave in the fridge, or leave sandwiches of course, or sausage rolls and tomato go down a treat.
He won't starve if I die first, but I might starve if I'm ever bedridden at home
I find it quite amusing.

Nothing wrong with a sandwich and fruit, salad stuff in sandwich. he can make that.

But I agree with the others, you need to stop spoon feeding him.

sandye

M0nica, I would but he is 74 I know it's no excuse but he really can't cook and I quite like my kitchen, he would probably burn it down.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What’s wrong with 74?

Leave him a ready meal if you must or a casserole in a lidded dish which can go in the microwave - but seriously he needs to be better able to fend for himself.

My father learned to cook when my mother became disabled, when he was in his late 80s. He was still cooking for himself until he died at 94. It was fairly basic cooking, but he enjoyed it.

Men aren’t children, but sometimes they are treated as if they are.

We all had to learn and I made some horrible meals while I was learning to cook. Monica is right. Easy meals to pop in the microwave would be a start

Sandye I think your fears that he would 'burn the kitchen down' are just that. Fears. Is he normally competent at what he does? Can he follow written instructions? Then he can cook. Are you worried that he might be usurping your domain? That's a different problem.

Sandye. I totally agree with what the others are saying from sad experience. My brother dies very suddenly before Christmas. He was only 62 years old.
He waited on his wife hand and foot. She's useless now and struggles to do anything for herself even basic cooking. He in effect disabled her. Don't do this to your husband too, even from a place of caring. We don't know what's around the corner for any of us.

These days 74 is no age at all. If he cannot cook, what is to stop him going out, buying a ready meal and putting it in the microwave.

If, heaven forfend, you were to become too ill or disabled to do all the cooking, he would have to learn and learn quickly. Easier to learn to cope aat 74 than 84.

I am sorry I am really hardline on issues like this, which is why DH takes offence should I ver suggest that there is food in te house that might do him for lunch. He is nearly 80.

I don't think that you are helping him. What happens if you leave him or go to hospital? It's learned incompetence. would he eat things you disagree with? Too bad, he can get on with it. To be kind, you could get him to help you make a dish. Then next time he buys the ingredients and makes it.

M0nica, I would but he is 74 I know it's no excuse but he really can't cook and I quite like my kitchen, he would probably burn it down.

Casserole plus veg. works well and would do for several meals.

I am sorry I would just leave him to sort his own salvation out.

Whether he goes out and buys a sandwich, eats food from the fridge or goes out to eat whenever you are not there or even doesn't bother to eat at all in your absence, that is up for him to decide and act on his decision Unless there was really good reason for him being unable to fettle for himself - disability or illenss (physical or mental). I would say it should be left to him. He is a baby that needs to be fed every 4 hours.

In the house and home section www.gransnet.com/forums/house_and_home/1321213-Batch-cooking-ideas-please

There's another thread about batch cooking which may help.