Just got congratulated for being able to use my debit card!

I am 85 and have had people tell others that they. know this 85 year old who can do all sorts and has sorted out their problems! I know my way around the iPad and iPhone but that is all. I don’t mind. At least I’m useful.

So patronising!
So what if some elderly people fumble, at least we are still out and about independently. Being congratulated for not fumbling is just incredibly rude. My pet hate is people, of any age, who wait until their shopping has gone through the till before looking for their debit card / cash.
A nurse recently repeatedly called me ‘my lovely’ presumably because she couldn’t be bothered to recall my name. I am neither hers nor lovely. She didn’t appreciated me telling her that.
My ability to withstand rudeness (and much else) has markedly diminished with age.

A friend and I climbed Walla Crag in Keswick and reaching the bottom of Cats gill which is quite steep, these young girls aged about 20 asked whether we had been to the top and said hadn't we done well! We thought we must look old!!

Just about everyone I come across is polite and helpful, and if some of that is only because I’m getting on a bit I’ll take it anyway. Yes, the comment was clumsy, but surely meant as a compliment. The assistant probably has come across a lot of fumbling older folk and is speaking from experience. I wouldn’t have made any of the comments suggested on here designed to make her feel bad, and look less kindly on people in our age group in future.

The only time I very nearly bit back was when M & S didn’t have an item I wanted and the assistant said I could get it online if I had someone at home who could help me. I was about 60 at the time , but I suppose still well past it to a teenager!

Charley yo be fair, I think the person had probably been trained to ask that question. My guess would be they have to make sure customers understand - if they don’t provide the information, it’s probably breaking some aspect of the banking code and customers could complain. I’ve still got a bank in my town and sometimes when I’m queuing in there I notice bank staff bring incredibly kind and patient with quite frankly old people who are in a real muddle and in need of help.

Shel1951

She's just a Silly woman ,,,,I bet you can work behind the till too , and press buttons just like her

Why do you need to call her silly? She was making conversation, maybe clumsily but so what? It was a transaction at a checkout hardly life impacting. And don’t be so dismissive of checkout workers, not a good look. She’s working, earning money, helping pay for our pensions and WFA

She's just a Silly woman ,,,,I bet you can work behind the till too , and press buttons just like her

Being partially sighted and 82, I still have two of my marbles left. I was asked yesterday if I realised if I opened an easy access account that the interest could change. Well I never knew that and none of you had the decency to tell me.

It would appear most of us should stay indoors as we are not very safe especially with money if allowed out. It beggars belief how we're treated.

Dressed up for lunch in the West End and having been to the hairdresser I went to Primark as I was early. I am having to use a walking stick at the moment and the assistant in Primark told me I wouldn’t be able to cope with using the self check out and forcibly escorted me to a cashier.

One should always accept/decline an offer of help courteously. But, as in the case quoted by the OP. It is very irritating.

M0nica

But ageism is not to do with being offered help when you clearly need it. It is about being offered help when you do not need it , just because you look old.

The OP made that clear. Someone expressed amazement that she could use a debit card. Yes, I realise that some people have a manual disability that causes problem, but that does not just include older people. DD, when she was in her late 30s, badly injured her right arm in a road accident and has a permanent disability in her right arm. She cannot do some things and has to take time doing others and has now been like this for 15 years.

That’s a useful distinction However, I still think if the offer of help is made and meant kindly we should either decline graciously or accept if. I use a mobility scooter as well as bring old and often in the supermarket am given offers of reaching items for me. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve accepted because the person was so kind in how they offered. Once they’ve gone I have to put it back.

But ageism is not to do with being offered help when you clearly need it. It is about being offered help when you do not need it , just because you look old.

The OP made that clear. Someone expressed amazement that she could use a debit card. Yes, I realise that some people have a manual disability that causes problem, but that does not just include older people. DD, when she was in her late 30s, badly injured her right arm in a road accident and has a permanent disability in her right arm. She cannot do some things and has to take time doing others and has now been like this for 15 years.

keepingquiet

What is wrong with accepting help when needed?
I love it when people show their caring side and watch out for me.
Following hand surgery I struggle with opening carrier bags. At the till the other day the check-out assistant asked if I would like her to pack the bag.
I said yes please, and she did.
I didn't feel patronised because I was 'old,' I thanker her for her consideration to me as a person.

Take heart in the fact that there are more of us than there are of them 😉
I could take offence several times a week.
I not only have my own deliveries but MrP has some heavy parcels. I take in next door’s delivery. Sometimes very heavy.
Most of the drivers offer to carry them into the porch.
Why you might ask. Because I’m old. And as much as I know I scrub up well ( MissAdventure will vouch for that) 😂 I still look like an old woman.
It’s a fact. Get over it.

If it happens again, just smile and say that yes, you know how to use a debit card and a credit card because you were part of the team that invented them.

rockgran

I accept help whether I need it or not if it is offered pleasantly. Sometimes it is about making the other person feel comfortable so that they will not be put off helping me or others in future. I'm not old yet (76) but I hope to be one day!

This is my philosophy when offered help. I think many situations quoted on here are really inconsequential eg comments on being able to use technology of whatever kind. In fact sometimes ( like the airport example) you can really benefit from being thought of as needing extra help. These sort of interactions are fleeting. What makes me really furious however is medical staff not having the professionalism to ascertain your level of knowledge and acknowledge your lived experience of your particular health issues.

I accept help whether I need it or not if it is offered pleasantly. Sometimes it is about making the other person feel comfortable so that they will not be put off helping me or others in future. I'm not old yet (76) but I hope to be one day!

CabbageWars13

Maybe you should be grateful she didn't pat you on the head and gush "good girl!"

(She didn't pat you on the head, did she?)

I hope she didn’t add, ‘Ah, bless!’
If anyone ever says that to me, I’m afraid I won’t be responsible for my actions.

Oreo

I’m nothing like your age Monica but at lunch out in a pub yesterday the teenage waitress brought me a glass of water saying ‘here you are Lovely’ that wouldn’t have happened years ago am sure.Of course to her I was ancient 😂

I live somewhere everyone calls everyone else 'my lovely' regardless of age or gender. I nearly found myself doing it the other day

We get a new app on the phone every week these days, my latest came with the new car that talks to the phone. I just handed the phone over to the salesman to set up, it took him 4 tries.

To someone in their 20’s, 80 must seem ancient, I don't think they mean to be patronising.

Mamie

I always pay with my Apple Watch and it is not unusual for people on the checkout to say they have never dared to try it.
No need to get a card or phone out and I always have my wrist to hand. 😂
In France everyone used to say "c'est très moderne".

I have a friend who often stops when we’re out somewhere and mutters into her wrist like a CIA agent.😁

I’m nothing like your age Monica but at lunch out in a pub yesterday the teenage waitress brought me a glass of water saying ‘here you are Lovely’ that wouldn’t have happened years ago am sure.Of course to her I was ancient 😂

I am a month short of 83 and it is only in the past year, since we moved, that I have found myself regularly being treated like an old lady - which I am - . I find it faintly disconcerting.

I always pay with my Apple Watch and it is not unusual for people on the checkout to say they have never dared to try it.
No need to get a card or phone out and I always have my wrist to hand. 😂
In France everyone used to say "c'est très moderne".

fancyflowers

I am yet a spring chicken at 72, but I have some mobility issues and I find that when I walk with my stick, drivers often stop and wave me across the road.

If I see anyone with a stick, frame, pushchair, toddlers, I always stop for them if I safely can, regardless of age. Just consideration. Appreciate if people do the same for me.